The vision: To give you a newsletter every so often that is JUST fat and fat-adjacent joy. Think Butter, but with a specifically fat positive lens every time. And with an ulterior motive: Get you to follow other fat and friend-of-fat authors/designers/creators of all kinds. Because in this age of Ozempic and crumbling democracy, doomscrolling is rougher than ever. And it can often feel like everyone around you is just desperate to take up less space.

Fattify Your Feed!

So come get all our good Fat Follows and Butters right here. And tell us yours!

Starting with: My favorite fat positive planters!

PS. Fattify Your Feed posts are free to read, but you’ll still want to click the gift link in your email to activate your FREE paid access to Burnt Toast on Patreon. Just a few more days!

Today’s book roundup is free, but if you’ve been finding value in the Burnt Toast community, please consider a paid subscription.

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Paid subscribers also get to read my thoughts on chins, Dr. Becky’s privilege problem, and what happened when I weighed myself for the first time in 7 years.

Books To Read Right Now

Get Real, Chloe Torres by Crystal Maldonado

I am a forever Crystal Maldonado-stan — here she is on the podcast and here she is again! She writes the YA novels we all needed: Fat positive, diverse, amazing queer rep. And her latest, about a high school BFF trio turned love triangle is just a delight. (I just gave it to a 13-year-old in my life who also loved it!) Perfect summer read for you and your tween/teen.

Hello, Cruel World! Science-Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times by

I’ve given this book a shout-out a few times already but I’m doing it again because it came out this week, so you can now read it already!! Melinda’s parenting journalism is so smart, evidence-based and compassionate. I turn to her work all the time when I’m navigating a parenting quandary and always find at least six strategies and reframes I needed. (And local friends, we’ll be celebrating Melinda with an event tomorrow at the Desmond-Fish Library, come join us!)

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters

My book club just read this on ’s rec and — just wow. Nobody builds a world like Torrey Peters. Each of these stories and the titular novel are entirely unlike each other, but they all explore themes of gender, transition, belonging and desire. I will note I found a lot of the characters unlikeable or frustrating in various ways, and that often turns me off a book (All Fours, I felt very complicated about you!) but I somehow still could not put this one down.

The Wedding People by Alison Espach

They definitely marketed this one as a beach read and it would be a great book to take on vacation — but there’s also a lot more there there than I expected, especially in terms of explorations of class, grief, marriage and mental health. But it’s still somehow light and even funny! Again, some hard-to-like characters but I rooted for almost everyone by the end?

Now tell us: What are you reading and loving right now? Or if you need a book rec, tell us what you love to read—someone here will nail it!

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PS. I always link books over to Split Rock Bookstore, my beloved local indie. If you buy a copy of FAT TALK from them, you can take 10 percent off any of these titles with the code FATTALK! (Full details here.)

Plus So Many Good Online Reads

writes about the exquisite freedom of joint custody. If you’re newly separated/contemplating divorce and that seems unfathomable: I get it, I was there. But less time with your kids doesn’t have to lessen your bond with them. It’s so much better over here.

Why the fuck are Ohio police investigating a miscarriage?

did a fascinating deep dive into Surgeon General nominee Casey Means’ completely dysfunctional diet book. (Also, don’t miss her…poetry.)

Have been thinking a lot about the way diet culture (and Joe Rogan) replaces deep friendship for cis men, thanks to this piece.

Speaking of diet culture ruining friendships, I’m so glad that wrote about the twin weirdnesses of romanticizing Weight Watchers meetings and new disordered eating It Girl, Liv Schmidt.

Further required reading on Liv Schmidt and yes I’m working on something too.

Is Ms Rachel braver than every elected official? (yes!)

Feeling sad about Anne Hathaway’s eyebrows is not mean girl behavior. (This is maybe a longer essay I need to write about how we critique women.)

And Corinne and I did such a fun Live celebrating one year of ! You can watch it all here if you like.

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And Two Good Things

Here is my cat Cheese, tucking himself in for a nap in our guest room bed. (Where he’s for sure not allowed but I’m not dead inside?)

wrote a great newsletter about non-ugly sandals for f*cked up feet, and I’m now strongly considering these hot coral flip flops. But in the meantime, can I do a quick Ted Talk about how the Gizeh Big Buckle Birk is the best, all-purpose Birk? The big buckle and shine makes it less hippie art teacher than regular Gizehs imo. I know, I know there are a lot of Arizona loyalists out there, and the thong style is not for every set of toes. But I feel way more secure in these and can walk miles on a field trip, the ultimate test. I own them in black (which goes with everything and feels a bit more “shoe” when you want that!) and light blue.

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So now we’re setting a stretch goal — let’s hit $12,000, and 50 recurring donors, by the end of the month. I know we can get there with your help.

Fund the virtual food pantry!

$12,000 plus the Burnt Toast match will pay for 3,600 home-cooked meals for the marginalized folks (many in eating disorder recovery) who rely on Me Little Me to get groceries. You can learn more about their work here. And donate here (and put “Burnt Toast” in the comments so we can track your awesomeness!) Thank you all so much for showing up!

What Do You Do When You Wear the Wrong Thing?

I wrote the first draft of this newsletter on a school bus filled with 42 shrieking children, on my way to chaperone a school field trip to Storm King Art Center. (If you’re new to the Hudson Valley — Storm King is one of our local treasures.) The forecast yesterday was sunny and 76 degrees, so after more extensive thought than I’d like to admit, I wore denim cut-offs, bright blue Birkenstocks, and a red and white striped long sleeve tee. I also had my larger Baggu, stocked with snacks and water. When I left my house, I felt jaunty and spring-like.

Then I arrived at the school to see every other adult wearing long pants and long sleeves. One teacher had a puffy jacket with her! And the other mom chaperones, specifically, wore baggy jeans and Blundstone boots. They look very effortless and Brooklyn, and like they all got a dress code memo that I missed.

And INSTANTLY, my breezy spring outfit felt… wrong. Too brightly colored! Too much skin showing! (Um it was just my legs.) Too much Old Navy (top and shorts), not enough olive, or black, or “I found this trench in a little vintage shop in Carroll Gardens.”

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To be clear, the other moms chaperoning this trip were lovely people, and nobody looked at me funny, or said anything to suggest I wore the wrong thing. “Wore the wrong thing” panic is just my particular flavor of social anxiety, although it’s grounded in some lived experience. There was the time I was photographed wearing a sundress next to a celebrity dressed in head to toe black and my limbs sparkled in the tabloid photos like a Twilight vampire. And then there was my ten year high school reunion where I wore a (low cut) cocktail dress and all the other women wore jeans.

I was also the only fat mom on this field trip. (Sometimes it feels like I’m the last fat mom in the Hudson Valley?) Which worked to my advantage when we got on the bus — the teachers made most chaperones sit with two kids each, but didn’t try to cram another child into my row. But it’s absolutely part of why my particular flavor of social anxiety always, always shows up as this kind of wardrobe angst. If you can’t adhere to the thinness standard, you feel extra pressure to adhere to other standards — to have good hair, to be put together, to wear the “right” thing.

I dropped all of this into my group text with and , who were immediately reassuring. “Maybe, possibly, they are looking at you, and wondering if they are wrongly dressed for the occasion?” Dacy wrote. “I have a theory that there are two types of people in the world,” added Corinne. “People who would rather be cold and people who would rather be hot.”

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In other words: I wasn’t breaking some kind of unspoken style rule—for how to dress while keeping track of second graders, yes, don’t worry I am hearing the absurdity!!!— I was just dressing for my own needs and other people were dressing for theirs. I am firmly team “would rather be cold” now that I’m in perimenopause. And as we walked miles around Storm King on a gorgeous but very sunny day, I appreciated how not-sweaty and comfortable I felt. And yes, I noticed a lot of sweatshirts and jackets being shed!

I also reminded myself of my friend Kate’s life advice: Dress for the honor of the occasion. What she means is that it’s always okay to be a little over-dressed, because it shows the host you cared and prioritized their event, rather than trying to play it cool or worry about what other people would be wearing. I’m not sure how denim cut-offs fit here (my host was…art?) but I’ve decided they just do.

Tell me I’m not alone: Do you also suffer from “am I wearing the right thing” panic? If so, where does your anxiety stem from? And what strategies have you figured out to navigate it?

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This is the man who dumped a dead bear cub in Central Park because he was…running late for a steak dinner. The same man who only eats between noon and 7pm (so obvs he couldn’t be late for that dinner!) but also promised to protect our God-given right as Americans to eat Twinkies.

With global measles cases up 20 percent in the past year, why wouldn’t we want this famed anti-vaxxer and his army of MAHA moms in charge of our nations’s health?

Well. Last week, RFK gave a press conference and managed to weave together a tapestry of ableism, misinformation, and bold-faced lies that is exceeding all expectations for how just bad he could be at this job. And I thought he was going to be very, very bad! Underpinning it all is RFK’s staggering fatphobia. Which is rarely named — probably because even the media outlets otherwise doing a decent job of fact-checking and critiquing Kennedy have their own high levels of institutional anti-fatness.

So let’s connect a few dots for them, shall we?

RFK Lie #1: Autism is caused by “parental ob*sity.”

You might have missed this one, because it was one of a trillion stupid and wrong things Kennedy said about autism in just one half hour press conference. But yes, he’s planning to study whether fat parents cause autism, along with “mold and food additives” in his quest to “reverse the autism epidemic.” Unclear if getting American moms to join Weight Watchers post-birth will “cure” our children’s neurodivergencies, but maybe Trump can throw in six months of Ozempic with that $5K we’re all getting for having more babies?

Real talk: Fat parents already face stigma and judgment for how we feed our kids, at the pediatrician’s office, and in the foster care system. So it’s no surprise that RFK wants to pin this one on us too but alas—the ob*sity epidemic did not beget RFK’s so-called autism epidemic. For starters, neither of these things are infectious diseases. Body size and neuropsychology are not contagious. And while all of our bodies and brains have needs and require care, as put it on the podcast last week, being fat or autistic is not a problem to solve. .

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RFK Lie #2: “Sugar is poison.”

It feels important to start here with the fact that Kennedy once strapped a severed whale head to the roof of his minivan, causing his children to inhale dead “whale juice” for a five hour drive, so he is perhaps not our nation’s most reliable source on what is and isn’t toxic to our health. But sure, okay, let’s go after donuts! In last week’s news conference, RFK claimed that the “huge amount” of sugar kids eat is “hurting them, and it’s addicting them, and it’s changing their taste buds.”

Sugar is not addictive. Sugar is not addictive. Sugar is not addictive. The only reason we fear sugar so much is because we link it to fatness. But if you want to make kids act like “sugar addicts?” Definitely start by telling them it’s poison and forgetting to pack any good snacks on your five hour whale carcass odyssey.

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RFK Lie #3: The food industry is quitting food dyes!

In the same conference where he ranted about sugar, Kennedy announced that he had come to “an understanding” with major food manufacturers to remove petroleum-based food colorings from their products by 2026. It’s giving “my boyfriend goes to another school” though because nobody from the food industry showed up at to the event and only a few companies have publicly said they’re on board. LOL, okay sure, we’ll get carrot-dyed Cheez-Its this century.

Actual government regulation of the food industry would be kind of nice, frankly —but if Michelle Obama couldn’t hold corporations accountable, what makes anyone think that a far right administration owned by billionaires is going to start? And going after food dyes is for sure anti-fat coded, because it’s a way of further shaming and othering the processed foods that so many of us rely on to feed our families and ourselves.

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RFK Lie #4: All these sick, fat people didn’t used to exist.

Reports Vanity Fair:

Next came Kennedy’s whopper during an interview on Fox News, where he claimed that when his uncle John F. Kennedy was president, the rate of chronic disease in America was just 3%, compared to 60% today. In reality, according to fact-checkers at The Washington Post who awarded that claim “four Pinnocchios,” that number was 44.5%. In fact, the rate was likely higher, since people were less likely to be diagnosed with things like hypertension at the time.

This builds nicely on one of RFK’s favorite themes, which is that nobody ever got sick or fat when he was a kid or even further back in history. Remember this campaign speech from last fall, where he said: “120 years ago, when somebody was ob*se, they were sent to the circus.”

Body sizes have increased on a population level for a variety of complicated reasons, but some of us have always been fat. And even though RFK somehow never met an autistic person when he was a child, they have also always existed.

Why does RFK keep wanting to pretend that nobody had autism, high blood pressure, or cellulite “back in the day,” especially when said day occurred before American women had birth control or the right to vote? Because men love to harken back to that simpler time when men were men, children got measles, and women were thin and stuck in the kitchen, or dying in childbirth.

America wasn’t healthier then, no matter how much the MAHA Moms believe it. But I guess a rich white guy could dump his animal carcasses, without everybody making such a stink about it.

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I say this with great apology to the (admittedly vast) majority of Burnt Toast readers who came here to dismantle diet culture and anti-fatness and maybe also talk cute plus size fashion, but who somehow don’t also feel passionately interested in plants: Today’s newsletter is not for you.

Today’s newsletter is for my garden people. If you’ve been starting seeds in trays under lights in your basement; if you own an excessive number of houseplants; if you’ve found the outer limit of how many plants you can fit in your vehicle; if you’re just garden-curious; or if gardening is at least 40 percent of your personality (rising to 80 percent in high season)… today’s newsletter is for you.

And if I had to guess, roughly one newsletter per month from now until November will also be for you! Maybe more if we convert some of the non-gardeners? I’ll throw a poll at the bottom of this newsletter to gauge interest in Garden Toast. Feel free to offer more thoughts in the comments ofc.

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Today, I’m sharing a rundown of my favorite garden gear.

These are the tools and essentials I reach for every time I go out to garden (so, pretty much every day, April to November). I do not think you need to acquire a lot of things to be a good gardener (though I could write a whole other essay about how NOT CHEAP gardening is, and if anyone tells you to grow your own to save money, they are full of lies!! There are lots of reasons to grow your own anything, but cost savings is not one of them). But struggling with, say, pruning shears that don’t snip cleanly, can derail a gardening plan fast. And most of what I’m going to show you, I’ve been wearing/using for many seasons, so I feel like I can solidly endorse it. (I’ll note the this-year purchases so you know they are still being road-tested!)

1. The Overalls.

New this year, but I’ve already worn them half a dozen times, including this past weekend many hours of very rigorous and muddy shrub transplanting. Love, love, love. More overall discussion here.

2. Waterproof clogs (and other go-to garden shoes).

These are new this season, but I already can’t figure out why this particular Birkenstock style hasn’t gone viral the way Boston clogs have. They are sturdier and have better arch support (their removable insole is the full Birk cork deal), they give Garden Gnome in the best way, and come in so many fun colors. For really muddy or hard digging work, I wear my muck boots, which I’ve had forever (and double as my snow boots!). Once it gets too hot for clogs, I switch to these plastic Birk sandals for general garden tromping. So easy to hose off!

3. Stool/Kneeler

Last summer I threw my back out in the THICK of garden season and my physical therapist told me I’d have to quit my death sport if I couldn’t stop stooping over at the waist to plant and weed. Obviously not an option!!! This thing has saved my back so many times — you can sit on it to work in raised beds, or kneel to get down to ground level. Genius.

3. Rain Barrel

OK, this is my other new-this-season investment. I just had gutters added to my house (which is oddly gutter-less) and there was nowhere to run the downspout that wouldn’t involve digging up GARDEN, which we obviously would never, so I had them terminate in these rain barrels instead. If you have rain barrel intel, I’d love it. So far I’m excited to fill watering cans and let my kids play with this water vs. wasting it from the hose.

4. Tub Trugs! (That purple bucket thing)

I have gardened with a collection of these trugs for about 15 years now. They are great for gathering up cutbacks, hauling mulch, filling with water to let plants soak before you get them in the ground… truly, endlessly useful and my ancient collection still look brand new. Get all the sizes, idk, tub trugs for life?

5. These pruners and this hori hori knife

The two tools I carry everywhere in the garden. I’m basically never not pruning something, and the hori hori knife is both an excellent spade (for digging small planting holes) and the very sharp knife you need when dividing perennials or digging up stubborn weeds. I’ve had the knife for years; the pruners I replace most seasons but that’s just because I am notorious for losing pruners. They would last years otherwise.

6. Chicken wire cloche

I put these over baby plants and bulbs I don’t want critters to dig up. They are also useful for marking out spots where you’ve direct sown some seeds and might otherwise confuse them with weeds when they pop up. And I think they look sort of pretty in amongst things!

7. Plant and seed sources.

Where to buy plants and seeds varies so much on where you garden; a local native-leaning nursery will always be your best resource. But a few online go-tos for me: Swan Island Dahlias, Hudson Valley Seed Company, and Johnny’s Select Seeds.

Your turn! What garden tools and gear can you not live without? And/or, tell us what you’re most excited to grow this year!

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Garden Toast Poll!

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Related Garden Toast

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Over on , has been doing the lord’s work on this issue. She assembled this exhaustive list of over 60 size inclusive swim brands. (Here’s an even easier link to that comprehensive guide!) And she regularly reviews the suits that are working for her, so if you’ve ever considered a swim romper, she’s got you.

Today I’m making my own contribution to Swim Science, and showing you the 4.5 suits I’ve been reaching for lately.

After the paywall:

• My honest review of the viral “one size fits all” swim brand Youswim.

• A unicorn suit from a brand Instagram is always trying to sell us.

• My favorite mom-approved swimsuit hack.

• A shockingly supportive and well-fitting bra-top suit.

• Plus YOUR best swim recs, in the comment section!

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Today’s book roundup is free, but if you’ve been finding value in the Burnt Toast community, please consider a paid subscription.

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Paid subscribers also get to read my thoughts on chins, Dr. Becky’s privilege problem, and what happened when I weighed myself for the first time in 7 years.

Books To Read Right Now

The Float Test by

I am very, very lucky to be one of the people Lynn asks for early gut-check reads on her novels, and I adore everything she writes, but believe me when I tell you: THIS ONE IS INCREDIBLE. An absolutely absorbing story of four siblings grappling with their mother’s death (and the gun they find in her underwear drawer), as well as their own confused or failed ambitions as parents and people. This is also Lynn’s Florida book and there is no one who can better capture that place. Out today, go grab it!!!

Animal Instinct by

A divorced 40-something mom starts dating and has a sexual awakening despite it being…2020, which means her main love interest is AI. Shearn nails SO much about the weirdness of divorce, online dating post-marriage, and pandemic life. But if that all sounds too heavy, I promise, it’s also quite funny and you’ll really root for the heroine.

Careless People: A Cautionary Tale of Power, Greed, and Lost Idealism by Sarah Wynn-Williams

An absolutely riveting memoir by a former top Facebook executive. There are mind blowing revelations about just how much Facebook has shaped elections, supported dictators and otherwise helped plunge us into the current hellscape that is global politics. But this is also, very much, a story of a mother working for a corporation where the Lean In ethos means no support for breastfeeding and bosses who demand you work and deal with their sexual harassment during your maternity leave. Also, Mark Zuckerberg is such a fragile man child, my God. (Content warning for graphic birth violence and some other explicit violence both physical and psychological.)

The Safekeep by Yael von der Wouden

already plugged this as a Butter, and a bunch of you already know but OH MY GOD THIS BOOK. My bookclub read it last month and all agreed it’s probably one of the best books we’ve ever done (and we have VERY different reading tastes!). It’s brilliantly plotted, the world building is flawless, and it explores so much about desire, the legacy of WWII, and how we conceive of home. (And the mothers are mostly off page but very important.)

Now tell us: What are you reading and loving right now? Or if you need a book rec, tell us what you love to read—someone here will nail it!

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PS. I always link books over to Split Rock Bookstore, my beloved local indie. If you buy a copy of FAT TALK from them, you can take 10 percent off any of these titles with the code FATTALK! (Full details here.)

Plus So Many Good Online Reads

Does White Lotus have a misogyny problem?

Also v important re: White Lotus: Why do they only ever eat fruit for breakfast? (Yes diet culture but ALSO.)

I read all about the tariffs and impending recession first thing this morning (the NYT app is NOT my friend at 6am!) and was spiraling a bit, but this roundup of big WINS from is heartening and helpful.

Repeating meals is absolutely fine. And so liberating!

Your fat has so many important jobs to do. Love this by the always excellent !

“Based on the published research, there is no good data to support the idea that women lose a clinically significant amount of muscle during the menopause transition.” This is a must read by .

is tracking all her purchases this year and the results are fascinating.

Warm weather is coming. Have you assembled your Fat Starter Pack?

LOVE this easy hosting idea.

And I’m getting so much joy from your weekend protest reports.

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And One Other Good Thing

We’ve talked about them before, but I’m really in love with my Baggu bags right now. Their reusable shopping bags are truly the sturdiest and roomiest and fold up so small, I actually always remember to have one with me now when I run errands. And their medium crescent bag (which comes in two strap lengths, so fat-friendly!) is my go-to every day bag — it’s not huge but holds all my essentials, including that reusable bag and even a book and a (small) water bottle. And I just ordered the large for some upcoming travel-with-kids. I think it will be perfect for getting through airports with all of our snacks and chaos?

If you find this post helpful or fun, please hit the heart button and/or restack it, text it to your book group, or share it some other way.

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All of which is to say: Clothing-wise, I’m ready to break out of winter sweatpants mode a little and show some…ankle? There is almost certainly some internalized ankle fatphobia at play here, but I find straight leg or wide leg pants so much easier to wear and style when I don’t have to wear socks. Dissect that as you will! What it mostly means is that shoulder season dressing feels less confusing now, and features more comfy pants.

What I Wore In March

It was 70 degrees here on Saturday! My iris reticulata are blooming, and daffodils and hellebores are on the verge! You bet it’s time for Garden Gnome Mode. Lots of folks have been singing the gospel of Duluth Trading Company overalls for years and okay, yes!! These fit great, are super comfy, have a bit of stretch, and look kind of hot!? Only up to 3X and sadly not in every color/print. (I’m not seeing the navy I got in stock right now, but fingers crossed they bring it back! In the meantime, this navy floral or the black are both very good.) Rest of outfit.

I sent this neon pink beauty back to Nuuly yesterday, even though she’s probably the top I reached for the most all month! But as I discussed in my Nuuly review, I’m try to embrace the idea that I don’t have to own a cool clothing item to enjoy it. (Especially when said item has a short wearability season and requires high maintenance care like cashmere!) But I can see myself renting this again next winter! Or, there will be a new sweater to love… Rest of outfit. (And if you want to try Nuuly, here’s $30 off.)

The only reason I didn’t wear Bagel Babe more this month is because I can’t really be trusted with a cream sweatshirt and she spent a lot of time soaking in stain remover. Dawn dish soap is doing the lord’s work though so I keep pulling her back out! As of this writing, she’s still available in 2X or 3X, for under $10. I don’t know, go with your heart.

What are you wearing into shoulder season? Give us links and recs!

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(The comments section is always for paid subscribers only because that’s how we keep the trolls out. And Burnt Toasties have the best recs, so click here to join us!)

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Why Outfit Reports?

My goal with these posts is never to make you feel like you should go buy clothes you don’t need. I show how I get dressed because figuring that out as a fat person was an important part of my own body reclamation work. And because it’s endlessly frustrating to look at clothes on retail websites with bodies shaped nothing like mine, and have to squint, imagining how a shirt would look on totally different proportions. You can see all the past Outfit Reports right here.

A Note About Affiliate Links:

I include affiliate links in these posts because we’re often asked where we got something, and finding/adding all those links is labor—so using links that also earn Burnt Toast a small commission feels like a fair trade. (This doesn’t raise the price for you at all.) But I remain committed to keeping Burnt Toast and ad- and sponsor-free space, so you’re only ever going to see clothes that I’ve purchased (or stole from my mom). I don’t accept free merchandise from brands and I don’t do sponsored content.

One more thing: I’m participating in the boycotts against Amazon and Target right now, but I’m also still rewearing items currently in my closet—so if you see a link to one of those sites, that’s why.

If you ever want to track down something else you’ve seen me wear, it’s likely saved in the Burnt Toast LTK Shop or on the Burnt Toast ShopMy page.

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1. The infamous chubby filter on TikTok. YES I TRIED IT.

2. The creepiness of Evie Magazine and what the founders had to say about fatness in a recent interview.

3. One cute and (as far as I can tell!!) thoroughly ethical purchase I am making for my kitchen this week. (Don’t worry, it’s not another air fryer.)

Let’s get into it. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts.

@dennismccann_Ffs shouldn’t of had that takeaway last night @Kathleenxrooney on insta 🧡🍒 😳🍕

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I spent a few years admiring my friends’ Nuuly outfits before I tried it out myself, mostly because the only Nuuly users I knew were straight-sized and I was pretty convinced it would be a bust for plus sizes. But last May, I decided to try it out. And now, after ten months of Nuuly-ing, I feel qualified to give you an honest review. This is not sponsored content. I have been paying the $98 monthly subscription fee myself every month. I also paid for the nine items I’ve bought from my Nuuly boxes (yes we’ll talk about those!). I will use affiliate links when I link specific items in this piece. And I have a referral link for you, so you can try one month of Nuuly at $30 off (and if you do, I get a $10 credit). But they give those to literally every member.

And I’m not convinced you should use that link or buy any of these things! So let’s discuss.

What I Love About Nuuly

• It’s easy to use. Nuuly ships fast and they send your clothes in reusable zipper bags with return labels included. As someone who regularly deals in annoying online returns (where you have to print a label, find the packing tape, etc, etc), I appreciate how seamless their process is.

• I do less anxiety shopping. Something about me is that whenever I have an upcoming work event, wedding, or vacation, I’m going to panic buy a bunch of things that may or may not fit, in an effort to feel calm and prepared and put together. This almost always fails, results in a lot of annoying returns, or in my keeping clothes I don’t really want or need. Now I make a point to look at my calendar when I’m picking my Nuuly each month and choose clothes that might work for any upcoming book events, vacations, or other situations that I know tend to activate my add to cart mode.

• I’m realizing I don’t need to own everything. When I rented this amazing fur coat in January, most people who heard it was a rental said something like, “But you need to buy it!” But the thing is… I do not? My life doesn’t involve that many occasions when a fake fur (but not terribly warm!) coat is the move. I don’t want to have to store it. I don’t want to feel guilty that I never wear it. It was great to have for a few weeks and if I realize I have need of it again next winter, I can always rent it again. Or I can rent some other absurd coat that speaks to my heart then.

• It’s helping me divest (a little) from Anthropologie. Which is an objectively terrible company but one I’ve found hard to release because they do make cute plus size dresses and fun coats and other “statement” type items. (Many of which don’t end up fitting well, or I don’t actually need to own, see previous bullet points!!) Enter Nuuly, which stocks tons of Anthropologie. Which yes, still benefits Anthropologie (Nuuly buys their clothes). But it nevertheless feels much better to rent, not buy, the Anthropologie I wear these days. (And when I do buy a piece, I’m buying it secondhand from Nuuly, not directly from Anthro.) Yes this is baby steps of divestment, not gold standard divestment. Something is better than nothing.

Post-Publication Note: Several readers alerted me post-publication that Nuuly is, in fact, owned by URBN, the same (problematic!) parent company that owns Anthropologie. This was a sloppy mistake on my part, and I apologize! It clearly can’t be an effective Anthropologie divestment strategy if we’re giving money to the same corporation.

However, there is a larger conversation to be had about whether Anthropologie makes sense for fat folks who depend on it as one of our few reliable sources of plus size clothing. And I think it’s also still valuable to consider whether renting clothes can help us consume less overall. (Your mileage will vary on those questions and as always, I’m not here to prescribe a decision for you! I hope this Nuuly review is still useful as you evaluate your own relationship with consumerism. —VSS

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What I Don’t Love About Nuuly

• I’ve never had a perfect haul. $98 gets you six clothing items per month; I usually only end up wearing three or four, max. Usually at least one won’t even zip up or is cartoonishly large. And this makes sense because Nuuly rents clothes and most clothes don’t fit! They aren’t solving for the systemic anti-fatness in fashion; they aren’t even designing the clothes they rent. They are buying clothing from major retailers, meaning they are sending me the same badly fitting clothes I used to buy directly and end up having to return. The upside is, I’m putting less of those purchases on my credit card. The downside is, I’m still paying to rent clothes I can’t use.

• The plus size section is… basically Anthropologie. At least half of every box I rent is Anthropologie, or Anthropologie house brands like Maeve and Pilcro. I have discovered a few other plus brands (like Good American jeans and Rachel Antonoff), but I can see my straight-size friends are shopping a much wider section of brands. If you don’t want to shop Anthro at all and you wear plus sizes: Skip Nuuly.

• “Plus size” means 3X, most of the time. When I filter by size, I’m currently seeing 98 options offered up to a size 40 or 5X. But of course, some 5X fit like a 3X. And as a rental company, it’s impossible for Nuuly to keep every size in stock all the time. You can save items to a virtual closet and keep tabs on when they come back in; but I’ve definitely had months where finding six items I wanted to rent has felt tricky due to size and stock limitations.

• I’ve still made some bad buys. I’d like to think not buying the fake fur coat in January was a turning point for me… but most months, I do wind up buying something from my box. And of the nine items I’ve bought so far… I’d say four are pieces I’m confident I’ll still be wearing a few months and/or a year from now. The others haven’t held up the way I hoped or involved some degree of compromise. (I love the fit of the Good American jeans I bought but they have a ripped knee that is not my style — I should have returned these and bought a regular pair in the same cut.)

It’s possible that this last bullet point isn’t Nuuly’s fault so much as proof that if you struggle with overconsumption, you’re going to struggle in just about any setting. One friend mentioned that trying Nuuly made her even more manic to shop, because the chance to get new-to-her clothes each month kept her in a “I need new clothes” mindset. That said, I do think renting clothes can be a helpful tool for increasing mindfulness about clothing purchases. Having the chance to wear something multiple times often does eliminate the urge to own it, because what might fit okay in the first try-on ends up bunching or itching or otherwise not living up to its potential. It would be nice if Nuuly offered tiered pricing though — in months when I only see 3 things I want to try, it seems silly to pay for six.

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My Nuuly Favorites

I didn’t purchase all of these, but here’s what I’ve most enjoyed renting (and I’ll note when I did end up buying it and how that worked out!).

1. The Bennet Buttondown.

An Anthro shirt that comes in so many good colors. I love it over leggings, yoga pants or bike shorts, with either just two, or no buttons buttoned. Would also be great over a swimsuit. I didn’t wear it much in cold weather but have already pulled it back out for spring. (Rest of outfit linked here.)

2. Vine Half-Zip Pullover

A non-Anthro purchase! Just a very good, well-made sweatshirt. (And it’s WARM, so I can often wear it and skip a coat, always a fat girl’s dream!) (Rest of outfit.)

3. Pop Color Cashmere Sweater

(From a brand called Nouveax.) I’m loving this neon pink sweater in my current Nuuly haul — it fits well and the color is gorgeous. But I’m not going to buy it. Not because it’s not great! But because this feels precisely like the kind of “fun for now” item that I’m better off renting than owning. Plus I don’t want the stress of washing cashmere correctly! (Outfit details.)

4. Robi Jumpsuit

But here’s what I am tempted to buy this month: A very comfy wrap-top jumpsuit that fits me pretty perfectly and caused one of my friends to actually scream when she saw me in it last weekend. It checks all my jumpsuit requirements: Easy on/off, bra-compatible, jogger-style legs. Cute with sneakers, but could dress up too. It retails for $118 but Nuuly will sell it to me used for $93.

Do I need it? You tell me:

OK Nuuly fans! I know there are many of you here. Can’t wait to hear what you think I got right or wrong about the experience, plus how it’s impacted your own relationship with shopping?

And if you’re not a Nuuly-head, I’d still love to hear how you approach clothes shopping these days. Are you a believer in retail therapy? Or also trying to divest from certain brands?

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A Note About Affiliate Links:

I include affiliate links in these posts because we’re often asked where we got something, and finding/adding all those links is labor—so using links that also earn Burnt Toast a small commission feels like a fair trade. (This doesn’t raise the price for you at all.) But I remain committed to keeping Burnt Toast and ad- and sponsor-free space, so you’re only ever going to see clothes that I’ve purchased (or stole from my mom). I don’t accept free merchandise from brands and I don’t do sponsored content.

If you ever want to track down something else you’ve seen me wear, it’s likely saved in the Burnt Toast LTK Shop or on the Burnt Toast ShopMy page.

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Today’s book roundup is free to read, but if you’ve been finding value in the Burnt Toast community, please consider a paid subscription.

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I’ll be honest: The Substack landscape has changed; conversion rates are lower and churn is higher this year. That’s my business to figure out, not yours. But I will say this: If you value keeping Burnt Toast an ad- and sponsor-free space, paid subscriptions are how we do that.

Books You Should Buy Right Now

This American Ex-Wife by Lyz Lenz

Now out in paperback!!! My interview with was your favorite podcast episode of 2024, and a few of you let me know it also helped you figure out your own divorces, to which I can only say… it’s an honor! So if you haven’t read this one yet, now is probably the time. (No it doesn’t require you to get divorced.)

The Good Mother Myth: Unlearning Our Bad Ideas About How to Be a Good Mom by

Well it’s blurbed by (who interviews Nancy here) and so you really don’t need to hear anything further! But if you too find yourself regularly struggling to break a “good mom” rule and need to understand the larger system that has sold us this myth and why—this is the book! (Nancy is also an OG Burnt Toastie, so ofc we stan.)

Finlay Donovan is Killing It by Elle Cosimano

A divorced mom with a shitty ex inadvertently becomes a contract killer of shitty men to make ends meet. A fast, funny caper that I am delighted to learn is the first in a series, so I will now be devouring them all.

Margo’s Got Money Troubles by Rufi Thorpe

When , , and sooo many Burnt Toasties all tell you to read a book, you listen. Margo gets knocked up by her college professor, keeps the baby, and winds up with an OnlyFans account to pay the bills, while also rebuilding her relationship with her drug addict dad. It’s a powerful indictment of the hypocrisy of the “pro-life” movement and our society’s utter failure to have any kind of safety net for new moms or anyone struggling, period. But there is such a lightness to this story—I tore through in less than 24 hours on vacation, and now I want more people to read it so we can debate the ending.

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Books You Should Preorder Right Now

I know it’s annoying to tell you about books that aren’t out YET, but preordering is such a crucial way to support authors we love — so here are three I’ve preordered and hope you will consider adding to cart now.

Unfit Parent: A Disabled Mother Challenges an Inaccessible World by .

calls this book “a love letter to disabled parenting,” and says it’s “a must-read for anyone committed to building a just and accessible world for parents and kids alike.” I’m forever fascinated by how we moralize both motherhood and bodies, so cannot wait to dive into this one. Out April 15! So soon!

Hello, Cruel World! Science-Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times by .

Full disclosure: Melinda is my good friend and neighbor and I blurbed this book but I was DELIGHTED to do so. And feel strongly that you should preorder it before it’s May release, because we are, in fact, parenting in truly unprecedented, terrifying times and Melinda’s research into how to continue to raise kids who are thoughtful citizens, independent thinkers, and generally great humans is deeply reassuring. (So is her stance on screen time!)

Power On: Managing Screen Time to Benefit the Whole Family by Ash Brandin.

OK I haven’t read this one yet, but I am hotly anticipating it because is my go-to voice of reason whenever I’m spinning out about my children’s various video game obsessions. Preorder this baby so August You can not panic about the inevitable end of summer screen time deluge!

Now tell us: What are you reading and loving right now? Or if you need a book rec, tell us what you love to read—someone here will nail it!

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You can also check our recent book chat, which is just brimming with amazing recs.

Plus So Many Good Online Reads

Something you might not know about me is that I have public speaking anxiety (though it’s more like…event logistics anxiety? I’m actually fine once I start speaking, but I get very stressed about all the details in the ramp up, and always want to cancel in the week before I have to leave my house!). So I super appreciate this piece, which is applicable to any other flavor of anxiety too.

on how digital culture is reshaping our faces and bodies (screams into void).

Should we buy our teenage daughters vibrators? is convincing me.

A totally different (and truly inclusive!!) way to think about running.

The Girl Scouts don’t need to hear your cookie feelings.

Confidential to the BT birding fans (there are a lot of you!): Here’s my mom talking about bird watching as community building!

Please, for the love of God, don’t give your dog your Ozempic! (Can’t believe this needs to be said.)

The trad wives make so much food, but do they let themselves eat it?

Health teachers need to be able to talk about gender identity. Super important read from .

I'm excited that has just launched a very timely year-long project called The How to Find Your People Club. If making connections and investing in IRL community is on your to-do list like it’s on mine, you’ll love this. (Katherine is currently writing a book about community, and sharing what she's learning with her newsletter readers.

Stop telling divorced women you’re sorry!

Love this chat between and about how budget culture impacts parenting. See also: This chat between Dana and .

I wrote about Ozempic and marriage a few weeks ago, and also loved this take by , and this one from .

21 ways to stay sane.

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But I have had a few reasons (book events, a fun weekend trip!) to wear cute outfits and have done my best to document and link these things for you.

What I Wore in February (Also December and January)

This sweater is the rare Target purchase that is both shockingly affordable and holding up to multiple seasons of wear. (I do wash it very minimally and only on cold/air dry!!) And these stripey socks are helping me work through my perpetual feelings about ankle boots and cropped straight leg jeans. Yes, Target is wildly disappointing right now (I actually just signed up for a Costco membership in a rage and am thinking about trying to divest at least…over there?). But the rare fast fashion purchase that LASTS seems worth documenting because not everyone can afford the $$$$ versions of these chunky knit sweaters. Rest of the outfit linked here.

This was actually my New Year’s Eve outfit, and look those boots are a splurge, but you can’t get mad at me for shopping at Target and not shopping at Target in the same post. Plus they are gorgeous and shockingly comfortable. Truly, they are the black boots a minimalist WASP lady would buy and keep to pass on to her grandchildren. I’m from Connecticut, but I don’t pretend to generally be that kind of shopper… but I have resisted buying any other black heeled boots for about two years now, pls clap? (Rest of outfit here.)

We’ve already talked about this coat, which was a rental and has since gone back to Nuuly—but I strongly suspect I’ll rent it again next winter, if not before. Here’s what else I could link from this outfit, which is a lot of older pieces. I wore this outfit to have this conversation with , which was easily one of the best Thursday nights of my 2025.

(For the record, these heeled black boots were dead cheap and purchased a year or two prior to the fancy black boots above…they are also clogs, which feels somehow distinguishing?)

And this is actually what I look like most of the time rn. You’ve heard me wax poetic about these bootcut leggings already. I would also like to sing the praises of this bag, which I bought for travel last summer and continue to find shockingly useful —and it’s a crossbody, but they’ve released an extra-long strap so it actually fits across most bodies!

TL/DR: Stick Season Virginia is vaguely yoga mom, deeply hard pants-averse, but still needs her pop of color (sneakers! and they now come in such a cute navy?!) to feel alive.

What are you wearing and feeling cozy in right now? Give us links and recs!

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(The comments section is always for paid subscribers only because that’s how we keep the trolls out. And Burnt Toasties have the best recs, so click here to join us!)

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Why Outfit Reports?

My goal with these posts is never to make you feel like you should go buy clothes you don’t need. I show how I get dressed because figuring that out as a fat person was an important part of my own body reclamation work. And because it’s endlessly frustrating to look at clothes on retail websites with bodies shaped nothing like mine, and have to squint, imagining how a shirt would look on totally different proportions. You can see all the past Outfit Reports right here.

A Note About Affiliate Links:

I include affiliate links in these posts because we’re often asked where we got something, and finding/adding all those links is labor—so using links that also earn Burnt Toast a small commission feels like a fair trade. (This doesn’t raise the price for you at all.) But I remain committed to keeping Burnt Toast and ad- and sponsor-free space, so you’re only ever going to see clothes that I’ve purchased (or stole from my mom). I don’t accept free merchandise from brands and I don’t do sponsored content.

If you ever want to track down something else you’ve seen me wear, it’s likely saved in the Burnt Toast LTK Shop or on the Burnt Toast ShopMy page.

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On Tuesday, I wrote about the intersections of thinness and whiteness in home influencing—as well as my own complicated relationship with home influencers, as a person who feels anxious about consumerism but also loves pretty house shit.

So today we’re going to talk about all the cute house shit I’m into right now!! Yes, I see the inherent conflict between criticism and consumerism! My relationship to shopping is evolving, but it’s still a work in progress. For more on how I think about shopping and linking to things you might buy, read this piece. TL/DR: Don’t buy things you don’t need or want. Do feel free to judge what I want. But keep in mind that life is hard, and feeling at home in your house is important too.

Cute House Shit I’m Loving RN

1. Vintage/Turkish/Otherwise Awesome Rugs on Etsy

I’ve found so many great rugs on Etsy over the years — search by color and size to narrow down the avalanche of options. I’m thinking hard about this one, this one, this one (OMG) or this one for a rug-less space in my house. And I will die on the hill of, busy Turkish rugs are a lot more kid and pet friendly than you think!

2. A perfect flower painting

I own two other paintings by Amy Stone, and absolutely adore how she uses the color and texture of paint. Have been thinking hard about adding this one to my collection! Her Etsy shop has the cutest mini paintings, too.

3. East Fork Soup Bowls in the prettiest blue.

I’m a recent soup convert, and I’ve realized that part of my resistance was that I didn’t have the right bowl? I’ve owned small cereal bowls (not enough soup for it to be a meal) and large wide pasta bowls (enough soup but so messy!) but never deep, large soup bowls. These are dreamy.

4. Radical feminist plant art

I also own a Favianna Rodriguez collage, so I can tell you: Digital images don’t do her work justice! This one is stunning and an investment, but she also has a great $200 and under series.

5. A happy throw pillow

This doesn’t really go anywhere in my house, so someone else adopt it please? Also so cute.

6. A puzzle/game/project table.

I’ve been wanting a round (or square?) table in a corner of my house where we can spread out with big puzzles, board games, or craft projects and not have to clear them all up in order to eat dinner later. This one looks solid and is a great price. (Now I just have to find the room in my house where it would fit!)

7. A very fancy lamp.

Frankly, an absurd splurge and I’ll never buy it, but I guess I just like knowing it exists?

Your turn! What pretty house things are bringing you joy right now?

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This can be something you’ve bought, made, thrifted, or are just admiring in someone else’s house! Feel free to link or just describe (Substack annoyingly does not allow pics in comments). If you’re on the hunt for some specific house thing, tell us about that too, maybe we can crowdsource some fun recs! And please remember, this is a safe, supportive, judgment-free space.

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It’s also FREE to read because I’m experimenting with bringing more free content back into the mix. (Hi free list! Really glad you’re here!) But if you’d like to join the comments discussion—and with this topic, I know it’s going to be ROBUST—you will need to be a paid subscriber. The Burnt Toast comment section is always paywalled because that’s how we keep the trolls out. Join us here!

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PS. If a paid subscription is out of reach, just hit reply to this email—we give out comps, no questions asked.

I booked my first three weeks of summer camp (for one child!) two weeks ago. It was a registration I didn’t even know about until a mom friend texted the heads up, and I then dropped everything I was doing to get it done. Yes, I was sweaty palmed, racing through registration forms, probably misspelling my child’s name, in order to secure a summer camp on JANUARY TWENTY-SIXTH. And let me tell you, I was damn lucky to get the very last spot open in one of the weeks I wanted.

This entire experience always sounds perfectly absurd to any child-free friend who has to witness it or hear the anecdote later. It’s also mind-boggling to people who parent in countries with any sort of publicly-funded childcare structure. But every working parent—especially every mom—in America has been here, or is currently right here, with me.

Our academic school year revolves around a 10- to 12-week summer break, but parents’ work schedules almost never do. Our lack of investment in childcare means that there is no centralized system, or even so much as a school district-specific database where we could easily search for camp availability near us. Virtually no camp covers the entire summer from last day to first day of school, meaning parents must patchwork together care. This is maddening from a planning perspective, and does not a relaxing summer make: Routines change every other week, and swapping camps means throwing kids into new peer groups and places all summer long, which can be a lot—especially for anxious, introverted, or neurodivergent kiddos.

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And every camp follows their own quixotic whims: Will they schedule by the week or require you to commit to a month? Will their day run a “full” 9am to 3pm, or just a casual 10am to noon? (Who is signing up for those morning camps?? Even if you don’t need the childcare, stop rewarding this bad behavior!) Did registration start in September and you’re already late, or will they not even release program information until March or April, thereby holding your entire summer calendar hostage because they are, of course, the one camp your kid really wants to attend?

Layered into all of this, of course, is quite a lot of classism and performative parenting. The “classic” American summer of staying home to watch too much TV except when your mom took you to the town pool or made you go fend for yourself outside no longer feels like a responsible or accessible parenting decision. (And it often isn’t! My own childhood summers never looked like that, not because we were so wealthy, but because I had two full-time working parents at a time when that was much less common.) Upper middle class parents have also bought into the expectation that summer should “enrich” our kids. My own 6th grader told me that she wanted to do something that will “look good on college applications” this summer because that’s what her friends are somehow already talking about. But it’s a chicken and egg question whether we gravitate towards “impressive” summer activities because we’ve been conditioned to think kids need to rack up those achievements, or because our privatized summer camp system doesn’t really offer us anything else.

For more on the misogyny of summer camp, please read Melinda Wenner Moyer, Sara Petersen, and above all, Katherine Goldstein, who has brilliantly dissected the summer childcare conundrum from so many angles. (See: It’s Richard Nixon’s fault! And: How other countries handle summer.) Katherine recently wrote about her family’s decision to opt out of the system altogether. They are using the money they would have spent on 10 weeks of camp for three kids, and putting it towards a mix of summer babysitting and five weeks of living in Costa Rica. The fact that American summer camp costs as much as moving to Costa Rica really tells you everything you need to know about our crumbling nation.

Katherine is quick to emphasize that she’s found a personal solution to a systemic problem when what we really need is structural change. But I still find her outside-the-box thinking on this topic inspiring. Five weeks in Costa Rica wouldn’t work for my two-household family (I’d also miss my summer garden too much!!). But as our kids get older, and increasingly camp-averse, I do find myself trying to get creative with the whole problem. Or at least, more willing to interrogate how bad a summer of endless screen time would actually be?

And whenever I talk about summer, I make a point to reshare this bit of wisdom:

I don’t have a larger argument or a neat wrap-up for this conversation; I’m not even sure this is really a Burnt Toast story! It’s just what is on my mind now that the “summer camp panic” part of my brain has been activated.

But I’d love to hear how you think about summer? (Yes in fucking February!!)

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Tell us where you are with your own summer planning. Are you also the camp mental load parent in your kids’ life? Or are you kid-free, and just watching aghast, as we panic over registration wait lists and non-refundable deposits? All (respectful and supportive!) perspectives welcome.

As I mentioned recently on the podcast, I did, after much deliberation, finally acquire an air fryer in last November’s Black Friday sales. I’ve been using it several times a week for about two months now, and y’all have asked about it enough that I’m devoting an entire newsletter to All Things Air Fryer today.

First, let’s talk about my initial air fryer resistance.

Number one, I didn’t want more countertop clutter. I agree with that clean countertops are an arbitrary measure of maternal/domestic perfection AND YET I CRAVE THEM. I felt allergic to the idea of adding another appliance to counters already containing a blender, a toaster, a fruit basket, and a tray that is supposed to artfully contain frequently used clutter but actually just always looks like an explosion of charging cables, some lip balms and broken pens (just to start the list), plus a constantly overflowing basket of various carbs that we just called Bread Mountain.

But then one day, my good friend, and local air fryer enthusiast, Rachel, helped me solve this by brainstorming some better kitchen organization strategies and suddenly all my counters were clearer and we’d stashed my toaster away and made space for an air fryer. (Bread Mountain now lives in a lower cabinet. I promise no carbs were harmed in the making of this newsletter.)

Still, did I want to use that glorious open space for an air fryer? I’ve been firmly in my takeout era ever since my divorce and related major cooking burnout. And I was deliberating on this question, when said: “Skip the air fryer. It sounds like a ... guilting-yourself purchase. It's fine that you're not into cooking these days and you don't have to try to change that.” Amen!

Plus, I have philosophical objections to air fryers. The name is blatantly diet culture; air fryer manufacturers want you to think they cook food in a healthier way by “frying” it with air instead of oil.

But as explained here, this is not frying:

An air fryer does not fry anything. It’s a compact, countertop convection oven. Which means it gets hot real fast and circulates that hot air with a fan. Things can get crisp in the air fryer, sure, but you’re not cooking anything submerged in hot oil— you’re just using hot air that’s moving. A chicken thigh that’s been soaked in buttermilk, dredged in seasoned flour, and cooked in a cast iron skillet or pot full of hot fat is heaven. That same piece of chicken cooked in an air fryer is a perfectly fine piece of chicken. It is not fried chicken.

The key to loving your air fryer, at least for me, is not expecting it to fry anything, but embracing what it can do well: cook things, especially vegetables, very fast and get them nice and brown without heating up your kitchen and without leaving a lot of stuff to cleanup.

I also haven’t changed my cooking style, so when I roast broccoli in the air fryer (which I do often!), I still toss it in olive oil first (plus salt and lemon). Hot air is what cooks it, oil is what makes it taste good. If I skipped the oil, the broccoli would just dry out, which seems dumb and not tasty. My air fryer broccoli is nutritionally identical to the broccoli I’d roast in my regular oven, it just cooks faster.

My final objection is that in calling these devices “air fryers,” manufacturers are teaching us to expect them to do something new and different. But they are just small ovens, using hot air to cook our food, just like our regular ovens use hot air to cook our foods. The only difference is speed: Air fryers use convection heat, and they are small, so they preheat much more quickly than regular ovens (especially if your regular oven doesn’t have a convection setting). I’m not sure why they couldn’t call them Fast Ovens, but I guess see above re: diet culture.

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That said, the fact that the air fryer does all your oven-y things more quickly is, in my eyes, the entire selling point.

And this is precisely because I’ve been feeling so ambivalent about cooking and yet still have to do it a few times a week to feed my children, least. (Even I am not reckless enough to pay Uber Eats prices for kids’ meals! And yet, nuggets do not bake themselves.) The air fryer has also added a bit of fun and novelty, elements that are hard to come by when you’re churning out the same four or five kid-friendly dinners night after night. I didn’t need to buy a new appliance to achieve that goal; a new cookbook might have done the trick nicely. But it’s been an added perk, and maybe a little lesson to remember when I next hit the wall with cooking burnout.

Speaking of: In the last few months, I’ve felt my cooking rage start to lift. I’ll save the longer story about why that’s happening for another day, but suffice to say, that having a device that can take food from raw or frozen/oven preheating to fully cooked in under 30 minutes is low-key a game changer. Even if I haven’t even thought about dinner prior to 5pm, let alone remembered to take something out to thaw and set the oven to preheat, I can still make dinner happen. Roasting vegetables in the air fryer takes almost exactly as long as it takes for a pot of pasta to boil and cook. This opens up a whole world of possibilities. Namely the possibility that I will make and eat a vegetable!

This does not mean I think you need an air fryer.

If you have a convection oven or a toaster oven, you’re basically already air frying. If you already love to cook and are happy with how dinner gets made, you don’t need to optimize that! And if you’re firmly in your own takeout era…I love that for you and don’t let anyone tell you that ordering well isn’t a valid form of meal planning.

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OK, OK Just Tell Us What To Air Fry!

First up: Here is the air fryer I bought.

I’ll be honest, aesthetics were a big factor. I really like that it comes in navy blue?! And yes, I paid a premium for that. But Breville air fryers have excellent reviews, and I was specifically interested in a toaster oven style so I could replace my regular toaster.

The odd kettle-shaped ones seem a little less versatile, but I also haven’t tested one so don’t come for me. If you love your odd-shaped air fryer, I’m happy for you! And for anyone in the market: Here is the one Julia Turshen loves (as of this writing, also marked wayyy down!) for a more budget-friendly option.

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And here’s what I’ve been making in it:

Julia Turshen’s lemony kale salad with crunchy chickpeas (that’s the air fryer part).

Julia’s meatballs, both these spiced lamb ones and her insanely delicious pork ricotta meatballs from What Goes With What.

Amy Palanjian’s salmon bites.

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Roast broccoli, as described above (no recipe link here, but I do basically every vegetable at 15-18 minutes at 400).

All manner of frozen kid-friendly foods. I have one kid who lives on pasta but won’t touch chicken nuggets and one who is the exact opposite. I can now make both of these fast kid dinners happen in the exact same timeframe without getting any extra pans dirty, because the nuggets get tossed right onto the metal air fryer basket, which requires no cleanup.

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Dumplings; I just toss them in frozen and follow the package directions. Have experimented with spraying with a little cooking oil to get the outsides more crunchy, highly endorse.

Air fryer cookies!! Mine fits a quarter-sized baking sheet, so I can easily do a dozen cookies or even just a couple if I have dough on hand and want a quick treat. I do make excellent from-scratch cookies, but this tub of dough has become a staple for quick movie night/play date/anytime snacks.

OK Team Air Fryer: Tell us what you use yours for most and drop recipe links as you like!

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Despite what my trolls will tell you, I am a person who cares about my health and longevity and that means strenuously avoiding food and body-shaming essays, especially by super privileged women who have not reckoned one bit with their anti-fat bias.

But Extra Butter reader Jessica dropped the piece into the Burnt Toast chat over the weekend, and so I had no choice but to risk life and limb and read this piece—and even skim its 948 comments!!!—so I can give you my unfiltered thoughts.

Please become a paid subscriber because my health insurance premiums will surely triple now that I suffer from the preexisting condition known as “I read that Caity Weaver piece and survived, but barely.”

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Well if you’ve been following along at home, we kicked off January with one kid testing positive for Flu B. Then I was for sure sick for five days, despite never testing positive for anything. We had less than a week of both of us recovering and then, bam—this weekend, the other kid came down with Flu A. (Why are there two kinds of flu? Who signed off on this bullshit!) I’ve been fielding texts from at least half my mom friends about similar winter illness sagas — and norovirus is also having a real moment, reports from New Mexico?! What a time to be alive.

So why an anti-diet guide to surviving the flu? Because winter illness/diet culture is very much a thing! The Internet is full of claims like “ob*sity impairs your immune response to the flu” (eye roll), as well as overhyped lists of foods you must and must not eat while you’re sick, and a lot of strong feelings about zinc. And the wellness-culture-to-anti-vax pipeline is very real, so wading even tentatively into those waters can land you in a Facebook mom group fervently arguing that Tamiflu is poison, fast.

Today’s newsletter is absolutely not intended to be medical advice of any kind. (Though I will say, anecdotally, I’ve been super grateful for our Tamiflu prescriptions, and for our flu shots, which may not have prevented transmission this year, but certainly helped keep our cases mild enough to manage at home.) But I do have a few hacks and recs, which I’ve collected over 11 years of surviving winter illnesses in the parenting trenches. They are all 100 percent diet culture-free—and also Amazon-free, since I’m getting through this current round of sickness in the midst of our No Amazon January.

Here’s what’s saving me this month…

1. At-Home Flu Tests

I have been saying this since mid-pandemic: I do not understand why we can’t test for alll the winter viruses in one go at home, before we drag germy kids (or our germy selves) to sit breathing all our germs around a doctor’s office. Behold! This year there are finally covid/flu combo tests available for home use. (Thank you to for alerting our mom group chat to this vital info!) It was so helpful to know right away we were dealing with flu, both for quarantine purposes and to fast-track us to that Tamiflu prescription. (In the first case, our pediatrician did still want to see our child in the office, but the next time, I was able to say “second kid down!” and get the script called in over the phone on a Sunday morning. My own doctor was also happy to do it that way and save me the office visit.)

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2. Masks

Super obvious, and, I’ll admit, kind of triggering to pull back out! But masks are a cheap, easy way to attempt virus containment. My strategy is to keep the sick child quarantined in their room and mask up whenever I go in, as well as when I’m washing their used dishes or cleaning up (sorry tmi!!) vomit-covered surfaces of any kind. I also wash my hands obsessively and am running our air purifiers and HVAC fans since we can’t open windows.

3. The Sanitation Cycle on My Washer/Dryer

See above re: vomit-covered surfaces. My washer and dryer both have sanitation settings, but if yours doesn’t, this just means running them on the highest possible heat for roughly 2 hours each, so you could easily achieve that with repeated regular hot cycles.

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4. Lasagna Sheets

I perfected this protocol during the potty training years, but it sure is handy for protecting your mattresses from 3 am vomit situations too:

1. Buy several packs of these disposable bed mats.

2. Apply one or two bed mats to the bare mattress (depending on size).

3. Cover with a washable waterproof mattress cover.

4. Top waterproof mattress cover with at least one more disposable bed mat.

5. Cover all of that with a fitted sheet.

6. Top the fitted sheet with another disposable bed mat.

7. Repeat steps 3-6.

Yes, I know that sounds excessive but in my experience, neither bed mats nor waterproof pads are ironclad at catching everything, especially as kids shift around and sleep in weird positions, and puke goes wherever the hell it wants. Now if there’s a middle of the night gross bed situation, I only need peel off the soiled layers and can trust there will be a clean surface under there somewhere for my kid to go back to sleep on, without me having to fully re-make a bed or find clean sheets at 3am.

5. All of the Vick’s Vapo Things.

I’ve talked before about loving the Vick’s shower tablets. If you have a kid who freaks out about their stuffy nose, but also resists obvious solutions (tissues, nasal sprays), these Vick’s Children’s VapoPatches can really help them smell something, which at least calms them down while the other meds kick in.

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6. No Screen Limits

Truly how did parents survive kid illness without tablets? I’ve become increasingly relaxed about screentime in general (well I’m working on it!!!) but I absolutely lean in during sick weeks. For myself too; I’m binging Schitt’s Creek with my 11-year-old right now and wow did Moira Rose get us through a sick Sunday. Also, having kids old enough to text when they need something is a game-changer; toddler parents, it gets better.

7. Gallons of Tea

Whenever I get sick, I lose my voice, thanks to some #blessed combination of asthma, acid reflux, a high voice-demand job, and sheer genetic luck. I was on the verge last weekend, but a friend made me pot after pot of tea using this rough recipe, and it never fully disappeared:

• 1 clove garlic, minced

• 1 inch fresh turmeric, grated

• 1 inch fresh ginger, grated

• Handful of lemongrass leaves and stalks

• Pinch of oregano

• Splash of apple cider vineger

• 1-2 squirts of lemon juice

• Honey, to taste

Steep everything except the honey in hot water for four minutes, then strain out solids (we made it in a French press to make this easy!). Add as much honey as you want to your mug.

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8. No Guilt About Movement

All of this sickness (and the accompanying sleep disruptions) for sure has me off my usual workout routine. And I’ve been stressing about that not at all, which is new and freeing! On days I’ve had a little more energy, I’ve gone for ’s Pilates workouts and her bare minimum workout, which you can do in literally 5 minutes. They are enough to keep my back from getting cranky, because the last thing I need is to be shepherding my household through the flu with my back out.

9. Cozy Puzzles

I can’t remember which beloved puzzling friend sent me this Jane Austen beauty, but it has been just the thing for my brain this month. Pair with a comfort show, podcast or audiobook and that tea. Nap as needed.

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10. All the Comfort Food

Yesterday, my 7-year-old texted from her sick bed: “I am hungry for a brownie.” She had barely eaten in 24 hours, so I absolutely dropped everything to make a batch of the world’s best brownies. There have been times when I’ve had a sick child desperate to eat something she wasn’t allowed to have for medical reasons and it was heartbreaking, so I was instantly relieved to realize that this month, germy as it is, has not been that. And then I had a moment of absolute gratitude that I could give my child this comfort without feeling stressed about sugar and calories.

What’s in your winter illness survival kit? I’d love to know!

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Standard disclaimer that it feels somewhat absurd to talk about makeup while California (home to 13 pecent of of our beloved Burnt Toasties!) is on literal fire. Here’s a master list of resources and ways to help; I’ve been donating to GoFundMes, and made a bigger donation to This Is About Humanity, which is raising funds for farmworkers, day laborers, essential workers and families impacted by the fires.

More locally/far less high stakes, I’m now getting over the flu my kid brought home last week, so…talking about makeup is basically all my brain can handle right now! I absolutely loved reading your comments on Friday’s essay about why I — a lifelong no makeup person— am suddenly into it. (Yes, online dating is partly why.)

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And many of you asked for more details about what I’m using and how. So… here you go!

1. Iconic London Underglow Blurring Primer

What even is primer? How is it not just foundation or concealer? Why would I want one that blurred? I would never, ever have thought to buy something so obtuse but recommended it because her best friend told her to get it, and as discussed, I love a community-sourced beauty rec.

Here’s what I do with it: Mix a dollop with my sunscreen or face moisturizer and rub it all over my face in place of foundation. It adds a nice glow and sort of makes my skin look more smooth. Plus one day I wore it to my hair salon and a very chic 20-something stylist complimented my makeup, which was possibly a highlight of my year.

2. Benefit Cosmetics Boi-ing Cakeless Concealer

We’ll skip over the creepy cutesyness of “boi-ing,” because this product does at least, clearly communicate its purpose. It’s an easy to use concealer, which I have now learned, is basically just foundation you dab in specific spots. I use it on my undereye circles and breakouts and I do use it after the blurring primer/foundation.

3. Jones Road Miracle Balm

Another terribly named product! What annoys me about the marketing of this product (which def has a cult following) is that they label it as “all-over glow” as if that is somehow different from blush but… I think it is just blush! Jones Road tells me I can wear it alone or “layer on top of foundation” and apply to cheeks and lips so…yes, that’s blush. But it’s a very pretty, glowy blush and I don’t seem to use too much or make clown circles. I have it in Pinched Cheeks (see! Blush!) and Flushed (okay you get my point).

4. Burt’s Bees Lip Shine

I’ve been wearing this drugstore lip gloss since ohhh 2006 because it is clearly named, moisturizes, and you can’t mess up applying it like a real lipstick. I have it in Pucker and Smooch, but I just call them “pink” and “darker pink” because I don’t need lipgloss to be cute about it.

5. Tarte Fake Awake Eye Highlighter

gets full credit for bringing this gem into my life. You draw it along your lower eyelid’s waterline (yes I know that sounds gross!) and it immediately makes you look much more awake. This is useful for potheads (not me but enjoy), people with allergies (that’s me!), or children who wake them up too much (also me!). I will say, if you aren’t also doing some undereye concealer, it’s not worth it and can look more “drawn on,” but the combo is magical. (I don’t understand why it only comes in white or peach though, there are surely many other tones of waterline???)

6. L’Oreal AIRvolume Mega Mascara

I have tried some fancier mascaras recently and they all smudge in five minutes. This drugstore brand is waterproof and decently smudge-proof, and yet still wipes off easily with a makeup remover wipe at the end of the day. (I am not a nighttime face washer, judge me all you want.)

7. Milk Kush Fiber Brow Gel

I will never pretend to understand eyebrows, but I have a lot of them and they can be quite unruly. This kind of plasters everything into place so they stay tidy and the brown blends with my actual brow color so they don’t look drawn on. Pretty sure this was also either a or rec. Thanks friends!

You’ll also find this full list linked over on my ShopMy.

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If you are a Makeup Person, you likely notice many categories of products missing from this list — actual foundation, bronzer, highlighter, lipstick, other things I’ve never heard of! Would love to know what you love!

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Or if you, like me, are historically Not a Makeup Person and even this little list intimidated you, let us know your questions and somebody better at this than me will give you some advice!

(You can also continue to not wear makeup CLEARLY. Burnt Toast is a safe space for all face preferences!)

I’m also intentionally cocooning at the moment because I just cannot with all the dark news and hypothetical takes about how bad a Trump administration might be… I’m conserving my energy so I’ve got some left when the badness actually starts happening. (Yes, I know that’s a privilege, yes I know so many of the bad things are already here.) To that end, I deleted Instagram on December 20th, and… I can’t QUITE bring myself to redownload it? (I did check in on my laptop twice, and then hopped right out again!)

I am keeping tabs on the world enough to know that quitting social media is having a moment (yet again), and I apologize for being trendy. Especially because Substack is also social media, so I’m clearly not quitting the whole concept because I don’t have a job without it. But it’s just indisputably NICE to be more offline. And when I am online, it’s nicer to be here, chatting with you all, than randomly doom scrolling and watching Wicked reels (even though, yes, a lot of those are very good).

So assuming the flu doesn’t take me down, I’ll be using this somewhat clearer head space to write you something great for Friday. We’ve also got an excellent pod episode coming Thursday — all about how Corinne and I are doing No Amazon January, which a lot of you already had thoughts about.

You will need to be an Extra Butter subscriber to hear that episode, but good news there — I forgot to turn off the December sale, so you can still join that tier for $20 off the usual price! THIS WEEK ONLY.

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And in the meantime, here’s a whole boatload of links I’ve been collecting for you over the past few weeks.

-Virginia xo

Good Things ICYMI

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This section may contain affiliate links. Shopping our links is a great way to support Burnt Toast! Here’s more on why we use them.

Other Good Things

A real perk of no Insta is how much more I read. Currently cannot put down this brilliance by , which I somehow missed in 2021 but am so happy to be discovering now.

“We’re not talking about A DRESS THAT IMPLIES YOU LIKE DRINKING RAW MILK. We’re talking about an uncooked milkmaid.”

This was technically a gift for my 11-year-old, but I am fully obsessed.

Waiting till 16 may not be the best approach to social media.

What should we do with our healthcare rage? Related: When medical bills cost more than college.

Love this list. I really needed to read number 3.

More doctors offices are ditching mandatory weigh-ins. We love to see it!

LOVE this chat on motherhood and patriarchy between and .

Read on No Buy 2025. She’s also gonna inventory her whole closet and I am jealous/impressed/inspired!

Really want to make these rice bowls with jammy eggs. Or just eat more jammy eggs in general.

Your body is not going to feel excellent all the time.

gave me this for Christmas, and I wear it every day now.

Absolutely love this prompt from to come up with a word of the year for your home. I think mine is “connection,” but I’m still pondering…

On good girls and bad girls.

“[Insert any body/self-loathing thought here] isn’t my voice. It’s the voice of the system.”

Love how is approaching her January Movement Challenge.

Yes I bought this dress in a second color. No regrets.

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2 Last Things

1. We exceeded our fundraising goal for NAAFA! You all raised over $22,000. Thank you so much to everyone who helped us FUND FAT! I am SO PROUD of this community and how we show up for this vital work.

2. I have TWO great events coming up to celebrate the paperback edition of FAT TALK:

   January 18, 7pm at Split Rock Books (Cold Spring, NY):

   In conversation with my platonic soul mate Amy Palanjian!!! Details here.

   January 23, 7pm at Books Are Magic (Brooklyn, NY):

   In conversation with the great HELEN ROSNER. Details here (it will also be livestreamed!).