I delete off my phone and download when I need to look something up… but my replacement is a deck of cards. We leave them on our coffee table and pick them up all the time to play now. And I play solitaire with the deck when I’m looking for a scroll on the weekend or not wanting to watch whatever someone in the family is watch on the tv. Old school just like mom. Next I’ll start smoking (just kidding but sometimes I think smoking was one way to get a little mindless break).
My mom taught my 8 yo to play solitaire with the actual deck recently and it occurred to me I haven’t played that way in 20 years. My kids are really into Uno as well.
I've been grappling with my social media use as well (as we all are). I gave up Insta a few years ago on a whim and have yet to regret it. Occasionally I check it on a web browser, like Corrine said, to get some local biz info. But otherwise, nope don't need that comparison factory all day long. I've pared way back on FB...also deleted the app and check the browser once in a while only for my local gardening group and our school news, which is currently not available elsewhere. 👎🏼
Oddly, though, I did download TikTok for the first time this winter (right before it briefly went dark). My mom died and I was deep in grief and needed a mindless distraction and it was perfect. I still scroll for a bit most days, but last week we were traveling and I barely touched it. I don't follow anyone, which I think helps me keep it casual. I'm not keeping up with anyone. Just getting a few minutes of stupid pet videos or white lotus theories.
I think the biggest game changer for me with phone use has been silencing unnecessary notifications. I allow texts and calls from certain numbers to break thru but everything else is silent and it has dramatically decreased the number of times I am picking up my phone for something not urgent at all and then getting distracted with all the apps.
I felt so seen when you said you didn’t want to see ppl’s perfect holiday family portraits on social media. SAME. I’m a 45yo widowed parent of a young kid and I have no interest in seeing photos of ‘perfect’ nuclear families these days.
I wonder what's behind those feelings? It feels rather complex. It would be rad to see alternative family structures represented in all forms of media!
Thanks for the mention! And I was JUST having a conversation today about what kind of actual, tactical reform we could call for re: social media and algorithms or AI, like maybe from the policy front? Is there anything y'all are getting behind that seems like it could be a step in the right direction?
Oh gosh that's so smart. It absolutely WOULD, except to get a landline, I'd have to call Optimum to add it to my service plan and I currently need to be marked safe from calling Optimum due to extensive Optimum trauma (long boring story lol). But I'll ponder!
TikTok, Fb, Ig, none of these get to me but I LOOOOOOOVE x/twitter. The art! The kitties! I can’t stop:) but I don’t really feel like I use it too much. Also that girlie in the first stock image needs some DRESSING! Paging Julia Turshen!
Ahahaha lord the challenges we have finding stock photography of fat people that ISN'T them obviously on a diet/is remotely related to the topic at hand. Let's all pretend she's googling "blue cheese dressing" on her phone so she can go make it before she eats!
My husband tells me that this is being discussed widely on social media so everyone may be well aware of it already, but if you are not, please, please read the Facebook memoir Careless People by former Facebook Global Policy Director Sarah Wynn-Williams. She was high up enough that she was frequently advising and on private planes with Zuckerberg and Sandberg as well as other upper level management. Believe me when I tell you that I have worked in both advertising and at a global corporation so very little is surprising or shocking to me at this point and I still found myself to be frequently aghast at this book. I won’t spoil it but some of the revelations in the epilogue alone gave me full body cold chills. This book is astoundingly brave and important. I’m sure she wasn’t able to call it this in full for libel reasons but she uses the term “lethally careless people” several times. I think we need to get past the “it’s not really hurting anyone for me to be on social media” mentality because at the end of the day our engagement is propping up these lethally careless people. Highly recommend that you listen to the audiobook to help the horrors go down a little easier with her delightful New Zealand accent.
Phew! Sorry for the evangelizing! I have been off of Instagram/Facebook/Threads since the week after the election. I signed on once to unfollow the @vp and @flotus accounts because they automatically followed the new administration. (Boo!) I am well aware and have been well aware of the evils of Meta for a long time but I was highly disturbed by the bubble that had been created for me during the 2024 election cycle that left me similarly stunned to the 2016 election. Plus my relationship with social media felt generally too dependent and I needed a change. I do miss “pebbling” little instagram treasures with my friends but ultimately I’d like to focus on developing and nurturing my relationships outside of social media. It has not made me less politically or socially aware. If anything it’s made me more focused on what is important and getting information from more trustworthy sources. After reading this book, I may go from simply deleting the apps from my phone to deleting my accounts entirely.
It is a lot!! As a warning, there is a traumatic birth story that people should take care about later in the book, if that is not something you’re in the headspace for. But wow. Just wow. Such a clearly told story about how absolute power corrupts absolutely.
I’ve pretty much given up instagram. And can even leave it on my phone at this point. And not use it. But I’d like to give up Facebook. I belong to a few book groups, yarn groups, and my neighborhood group and I check in on those. But would like to get rid of it. Cause scrolling just makes me sad about the world and US but I would miss my groups. Not sure how to get over this?
I'm in a similar bind with Facebook -- a lot of info related to town and school happens there. But...increasingly less? I feel like I'm *CLOSE* to being able to live without it.
I've solved my Facebook scrolling addiction while keeping access to my very important neighborhood free stuff group by installing one of those browser extensions that blocks the newsfeed (News Feed Eradicator for Firefox, but I think other browsers have them too).
If I get an email alert from one of my Facebook groups (mostly animal organizations that I follow), I log in through Safari, check out the post, do a quick search for the other groups, and skedaddle. I don’t have the app on my phone, and when Facebook kindly(?) asks if I’d like to have my login deets remembered on my device, I say “NO.” Just adding that one little hurdle— having to log in each time— has helped me to limit my use of Facebook. And telling myself what Facebook is really for— to allow a billionaire ghoul like Mark Zuckerberg to monetize me and my personal data through algorithms and outrage— *really* helps me to limit my use of the platform.
My brother and his wife actually set their iPhones to be in black and white all the time, and they say it really helps them cut down on mindless phone time because it’s less fun/stimulating that way.
I might be repeating another comment, but I'm here to share a buttery recommendation: The Freedom App.
Yes, I'm fighting fire with fire. It's not free (though you can try it for free first), but it's more than paid for itself in many ways.
It has been a game-changer for me. You can opt to schedule it in advance (for example, Corrine, you could pre-determine what time you want TikTok to become off-limits for you at night vs trying to willpower your way through in the moment). It's totally customizable, and one subscription works across multiple devices.
Since I wasn't going to be able to watch the White Lotus finale until a day later, I recently used it to block all of my media for 24 hours, and it was DELIGHTFUL! Even just one day away from social media (and a few other sites that tend to be distraction/procrastination for me) has given me a whole new perspective on my relationship with my phone and laptop.
Try the Focus settings on iPhone! You can customize which apps appear depending on which “mode” you’re in. You could have one that is simply text, phone, maps, google
I cancelled the screen time report on my phone 5 years ago because it was depressing me. I have wondered if I did turn it back on if it would feel similar to the weighing myself after months type feeling.
I have kept the 1 hour limit on FB and Insta and that has been easier for me to manage. I think reading books makes me feel relaxed because I’m not jumping around on posts as much but I have pretty consistently been able to be off my phone from 10-7 am.
I think it’s easier to have the phone out of my sleep space because I have someone else there but I regularly charge my phone in the living room or kitchen and not look at my phone at all before school drop off. I usually check the weather quickly before we walk out the door on my watch.
Really resonated with the question of, “what is X metric actually measuring and what is that measurement actually telling me?”
Maybe instead of making the phone harder to “control” with timers or other technological solutions, you could make non-phone activities easier to enjoy, like leaving out books or magazines in different spots, or not fully packing away a craft or hobby project, so your brain feels compelled to reach for an alternate option. Sometimes I’ll make a list of fun things I want to do on a day off, so when I have downtime, instead of mindlessly scrolling, I’ll remember I wanted to check out that new store in town or see the cherry blossoms at some park or something like that.
For me, it’s all about the initial prompt to any action that will shape what I choose!
Maybe it’s a sign of age or generation gap or a truly weird glasses prescription, but I had TikTok on my phone for about five minutes before I had to dump it: it was like I could feel my eyeballs twitching at the ends of neurons in my head.
I delete off my phone and download when I need to look something up… but my replacement is a deck of cards. We leave them on our coffee table and pick them up all the time to play now. And I play solitaire with the deck when I’m looking for a scroll on the weekend or not wanting to watch whatever someone in the family is watch on the tv. Old school just like mom. Next I’ll start smoking (just kidding but sometimes I think smoking was one way to get a little mindless break).
My mom taught my 8 yo to play solitaire with the actual deck recently and it occurred to me I haven’t played that way in 20 years. My kids are really into Uno as well.
We keep an uno deck on the table now too because my kids are both really into it. I have a little card box for the decks.
This is such a great replacement!
This is a great idea!
I've been grappling with my social media use as well (as we all are). I gave up Insta a few years ago on a whim and have yet to regret it. Occasionally I check it on a web browser, like Corrine said, to get some local biz info. But otherwise, nope don't need that comparison factory all day long. I've pared way back on FB...also deleted the app and check the browser once in a while only for my local gardening group and our school news, which is currently not available elsewhere. 👎🏼
Oddly, though, I did download TikTok for the first time this winter (right before it briefly went dark). My mom died and I was deep in grief and needed a mindless distraction and it was perfect. I still scroll for a bit most days, but last week we were traveling and I barely touched it. I don't follow anyone, which I think helps me keep it casual. I'm not keeping up with anyone. Just getting a few minutes of stupid pet videos or white lotus theories.
I think the biggest game changer for me with phone use has been silencing unnecessary notifications. I allow texts and calls from certain numbers to break thru but everything else is silent and it has dramatically decreased the number of times I am picking up my phone for something not urgent at all and then getting distracted with all the apps.
I felt so seen when you said you didn’t want to see ppl’s perfect holiday family portraits on social media. SAME. I’m a 45yo widowed parent of a young kid and I have no interest in seeing photos of ‘perfect’ nuclear families these days.
YAY, glad I'm not the only grouch. But yes, this is so real.
I wonder what's behind those feelings? It feels rather complex. It would be rad to see alternative family structures represented in all forms of media!
Thanks for the mention! And I was JUST having a conversation today about what kind of actual, tactical reform we could call for re: social media and algorithms or AI, like maybe from the policy front? Is there anything y'all are getting behind that seems like it could be a step in the right direction?
These are great questions. I don't have anything specific on my radar right now in terms of policy, but will definitely be watching out for it.
Virginia -- I'm wondering if a landline would alleviate your need to have your cell phone on your nightstand?
Oh gosh that's so smart. It absolutely WOULD, except to get a landline, I'd have to call Optimum to add it to my service plan and I currently need to be marked safe from calling Optimum due to extensive Optimum trauma (long boring story lol). But I'll ponder!
TikTok, Fb, Ig, none of these get to me but I LOOOOOOOVE x/twitter. The art! The kitties! I can’t stop:) but I don’t really feel like I use it too much. Also that girlie in the first stock image needs some DRESSING! Paging Julia Turshen!
Ahahaha lord the challenges we have finding stock photography of fat people that ISN'T them obviously on a diet/is remotely related to the topic at hand. Let's all pretend she's googling "blue cheese dressing" on her phone so she can go make it before she eats!
I had no idea there were art & kitties on X!
My husband tells me that this is being discussed widely on social media so everyone may be well aware of it already, but if you are not, please, please read the Facebook memoir Careless People by former Facebook Global Policy Director Sarah Wynn-Williams. She was high up enough that she was frequently advising and on private planes with Zuckerberg and Sandberg as well as other upper level management. Believe me when I tell you that I have worked in both advertising and at a global corporation so very little is surprising or shocking to me at this point and I still found myself to be frequently aghast at this book. I won’t spoil it but some of the revelations in the epilogue alone gave me full body cold chills. This book is astoundingly brave and important. I’m sure she wasn’t able to call it this in full for libel reasons but she uses the term “lethally careless people” several times. I think we need to get past the “it’s not really hurting anyone for me to be on social media” mentality because at the end of the day our engagement is propping up these lethally careless people. Highly recommend that you listen to the audiobook to help the horrors go down a little easier with her delightful New Zealand accent.
Phew! Sorry for the evangelizing! I have been off of Instagram/Facebook/Threads since the week after the election. I signed on once to unfollow the @vp and @flotus accounts because they automatically followed the new administration. (Boo!) I am well aware and have been well aware of the evils of Meta for a long time but I was highly disturbed by the bubble that had been created for me during the 2024 election cycle that left me similarly stunned to the 2016 election. Plus my relationship with social media felt generally too dependent and I needed a change. I do miss “pebbling” little instagram treasures with my friends but ultimately I’d like to focus on developing and nurturing my relationships outside of social media. It has not made me less politically or socially aware. If anything it’s made me more focused on what is important and getting information from more trustworthy sources. After reading this book, I may go from simply deleting the apps from my phone to deleting my accounts entirely.
I'm 2/3 of the way through the audiobook right now! It's absolutely chilling!
It is a lot!! As a warning, there is a traumatic birth story that people should take care about later in the book, if that is not something you’re in the headspace for. But wow. Just wow. Such a clearly told story about how absolute power corrupts absolutely.
I’ve pretty much given up instagram. And can even leave it on my phone at this point. And not use it. But I’d like to give up Facebook. I belong to a few book groups, yarn groups, and my neighborhood group and I check in on those. But would like to get rid of it. Cause scrolling just makes me sad about the world and US but I would miss my groups. Not sure how to get over this?
I'm in a similar bind with Facebook -- a lot of info related to town and school happens there. But...increasingly less? I feel like I'm *CLOSE* to being able to live without it.
I've solved my Facebook scrolling addiction while keeping access to my very important neighborhood free stuff group by installing one of those browser extensions that blocks the newsfeed (News Feed Eradicator for Firefox, but I think other browsers have them too).
If I get an email alert from one of my Facebook groups (mostly animal organizations that I follow), I log in through Safari, check out the post, do a quick search for the other groups, and skedaddle. I don’t have the app on my phone, and when Facebook kindly(?) asks if I’d like to have my login deets remembered on my device, I say “NO.” Just adding that one little hurdle— having to log in each time— has helped me to limit my use of Facebook. And telling myself what Facebook is really for— to allow a billionaire ghoul like Mark Zuckerberg to monetize me and my personal data through algorithms and outrage— *really* helps me to limit my use of the platform.
My brother and his wife actually set their iPhones to be in black and white all the time, and they say it really helps them cut down on mindless phone time because it’s less fun/stimulating that way.
Ooh want to try this.
I might be repeating another comment, but I'm here to share a buttery recommendation: The Freedom App.
Yes, I'm fighting fire with fire. It's not free (though you can try it for free first), but it's more than paid for itself in many ways.
It has been a game-changer for me. You can opt to schedule it in advance (for example, Corrine, you could pre-determine what time you want TikTok to become off-limits for you at night vs trying to willpower your way through in the moment). It's totally customizable, and one subscription works across multiple devices.
Since I wasn't going to be able to watch the White Lotus finale until a day later, I recently used it to block all of my media for 24 hours, and it was DELIGHTFUL! Even just one day away from social media (and a few other sites that tend to be distraction/procrastination for me) has given me a whole new perspective on my relationship with my phone and laptop.
Re: Corinne’s butter. You can tie a ziploc baggy of vinegar to your shower head to descale!
I tried this!!!! It did not work for me. Granted there was probably like 7+ years of buildup but.
Lololol ok well I guess if you do that with the new head more frequently that should help?
Try the Focus settings on iPhone! You can customize which apps appear depending on which “mode” you’re in. You could have one that is simply text, phone, maps, google
You can also have them auto-turn on based on time of day or location!
I don’t have Facebook or X. I have Instagram and follow a couple of artists and family members. I spend more time on Substack these days.
I cancelled the screen time report on my phone 5 years ago because it was depressing me. I have wondered if I did turn it back on if it would feel similar to the weighing myself after months type feeling.
I have kept the 1 hour limit on FB and Insta and that has been easier for me to manage. I think reading books makes me feel relaxed because I’m not jumping around on posts as much but I have pretty consistently been able to be off my phone from 10-7 am.
I think it’s easier to have the phone out of my sleep space because I have someone else there but I regularly charge my phone in the living room or kitchen and not look at my phone at all before school drop off. I usually check the weather quickly before we walk out the door on my watch.
Really resonated with the question of, “what is X metric actually measuring and what is that measurement actually telling me?”
Maybe instead of making the phone harder to “control” with timers or other technological solutions, you could make non-phone activities easier to enjoy, like leaving out books or magazines in different spots, or not fully packing away a craft or hobby project, so your brain feels compelled to reach for an alternate option. Sometimes I’ll make a list of fun things I want to do on a day off, so when I have downtime, instead of mindlessly scrolling, I’ll remember I wanted to check out that new store in town or see the cherry blossoms at some park or something like that.
For me, it’s all about the initial prompt to any action that will shape what I choose!
Oh I love this idea to make the non-phone stuff easier to access!!
Maybe it’s a sign of age or generation gap or a truly weird glasses prescription, but I had TikTok on my phone for about five minutes before I had to dump it: it was like I could feel my eyeballs twitching at the ends of neurons in my head.
SAME and I'm only like 4 years older than Corinne, but that's our generation gap.