Carb-Deprived White Men Are The Problem
Stop worrying about Lizzo, Andy Elliott wants to sell you his children's torsos.
CW: Includes graphic examples of children participating in diet culture.
Until last week, I was living a simpler, happier life. Namely, a life in which I had somehow never heard of Andy Elliott, the “fastest growing sales trainer in the world.” If you too were living under that happy rock with me, I’m sorry, but now you must know: Andy Elliott is basically the love child of Tony Robbins and a case of Monster Energy drinks. He’s the devil spawn of a Huberman husband and a Mary Kay lady. He’s a former car salesman turned body builder and business coach who now hangs with Donald Trump Jr, and sells…the ability to sell things to his 2.5 million Instagram followers.
Andy claims to have made $160 million last year, and be on track to break a billion in four years. In addition to selling selling, he also sells Christianity, “marriage millionaire” advice, and his own brand of mouth tape and nose strips, called—and the creepy relevance of this will soon become clear— “Hostage Tape.”
You probably guessed this already, but: Andy Elliott hates fat people.1 Andy lives in a world of all or nothing mantras like “discipline is easy!” “drugs are for addicts!” (sorry, no Ozempic, babe) “six pack or you’re fired!” Fatness, to Andy, is proof that you are too comfortable with yourself and your life. I mean, to me too? I love to be comfortable? But not Andy! He does NOT want your comfort. Andy wants to “stay freaking elite.” Andy is “a walking billboard of human excellence.” Andy Elliott is the least comfortable person on this earth and he has worked hard to earn that, dammit.
Now normally, when I encounter the Andy Elliotts of the world, I disengage as quickly as possible. There are a bunch of Andy Elliott wanna-bes on TikTok who post reels yelling about my work; I am comfortable (happily too comfortable, even!) never naming or acknowledging their existence. Carb-deprived white men who live for gym selfies and can only speak in motivational phrases they stole from old episodes of Dr. Phil are simply none of my business.
But last week, Andy Elliott made himself my fucking business when he posted a video of him prompting his daughters, age 12 and 9, to lift up their shirts and show off their six packs to a room full of sales bros.
