I was going to write a Lizzo think piece for you this week. But truly, I don’t have it in me. Lizzo is fine. I mean, she’s messy, sure. No, I don’t love the phrase “weight releasing.” Yes, there is some co-opting of body liberation rhetoric to endorse intentional weight loss. But she’s an internationally famous fat Black woman in a culture that hates fat Black women. Of course it’s messy. Of course the rhetoric is problematic. And me writing a Lizzo piece doesn’t make that less messy.
Instead, we’re going to take a tip from our good buddy Mel (even though she is a far more problematic public figure!!!!) and… let Lizzo. Her body, her choices, and her reasons are not our business. Let her have them. And by “her” I mean Lizzo, but also anyone in your social media feed/life/general orbit who is feeling complicated in ways that don’t actually have to impact you.
Maybe I’m being so mature, and evolved about skipping the hot take because I turned 44 this week?? I’m now firmly “mid-40s,” which feels, honestly, like the age I was born to be. I like an early bedtime, a good book, a jigsaw puzzle, and getting excited about the birds in my garden. I want a crowded table and “a cozy life,” as Tracy Clark-Flory puts it in her memoir, Want Me. And I still want to dismantle diet culture and anti-fatness, and call my reps, and do good work. But as my dear friend (and wise feminist philosopher) Kate Manne puts it: “Do enough good in the world. But you can't do everything and you shouldn't even try.” (She wrote more about this here.)
Kate’s wisdom is the kind of advice I love: It’s clarifying, helpful, and doesn’t make me feel remotely bad about myself. Unlike, say… a diet, where the “advice” constricts your options, sets impossible expectations, and leaves you feeling worse than when you started.
It also reminded me of this fun newsletter that Corinne Fay wrote to celebrate her 39th birthday, with 39 pieces of great advice. “Copy Corinne” is always good advice, so I decided to put together my own list.
Here are 44 truly stellar pieces of advice—featuring wisdom from YOU (via Wednesday’s chat), as well as my friends and family, and the Burnt Toast archives.
You don’t need to own a scale. And you don’t need to get weighed at the doctor’s office either.
But we do, maybe, all need to own a yoga strap?? — Brianna Campos on yesterday’s podcast.
Not everything is about you. If people are rude, rushed, or distant, try to remember everyone has a lot going on. Nevertheless: You’re always allowed to say what you need.
“Little treats are capitalism’s only good invention.” — Amanda Montei
“Just run the dishwasher twice.” In other words: Throw out the arbitrary rules that don’t serve you.
After the paywall, 39 more pieces of advice, including:
Wisdom from a dog trainer!
How to (maybe) cover up a murder?
What a white man would do/the advice I give all my writer friends.
