The Fat Old Lady In the Mirror
Our best advice for letting go of closet diet culture—especially for former thins.
Disclaimer: You’re reading this column because you value my input as a journalist who reports on these issues and therefore has a lot of informed opinions. I’m not a healthcare provider, and these responses are not meant to substitute for medical or therapeutic advice.
Q: I am reaching out to you because I (like many women in our culture) have struggled with body image. I’m 56, and like you, was a thin child. I think that’s why I feel connected to your story. I’ve trolled your Instagram a bit, and I want to know how you’ve found the confidence to wear clothes that you feel good in, without worrying about trying to look smaller.
I’ve worked hard to give up diet culture but I just can’t seem to feel happy in the body that leaves me with. I think having been thin as a kid, and even having been thin at different points as an adult (albeit through restriction and exercise) just messes with my perception of my body, and I am always comparing my current body to what I used to look like.
I also can’t shake this weird perception that other women my size look beautiful and proportioned, yet somehow the same body size looks awful on ME. I think I’m suffering through an intersection of internalized fatphobia and internalized ageism. As much as I don’t want to be focused on my appearance, I just don’t like the fat old lady that seems to stare back at me in the mirror, and in photographs.
I guess I’m just hoping I can figure out what magic formula you’ve discovered to finally stop feeling so unhappy with the body I know I need to learn to live in. I KNOW another diet is not the answer, and instead of feeling empowered in that knowledge, it makes me feel depressed.