What's the Worst Parenting Advice You Ever Received?

Because it's been eight years and I'm still mad about mine.

I told this story quickly on the podcast last Thursday: When my older daughter was about 3, I reported a story for a now-defunct parenting magazine about kids and screen time. Some of the advice (from folks like

Devorah Heitner, PhD

!) was incredibly sensible and helpful. But then I interviewed a Harvard-based screen time researcher — who my editor and I both expected to be the leading voice in the piece, though now I realize we were both responding to “Harvard” and “white man” more than umm, anything else. This guy was very hand-wringing about the harms of technology. He absolutely thought that “parents today” had given over our children’s brains to tablets, and was advocating for pretty strict time limits. At the time, I’d bought pretty hard into the whole “screens are evil” rhetoric. We were limiting our toddler’s screen time, for sure way more than I do now with two older kids. But I still pushed back: “What about letting her watch some cartoons when I’m cooking dinner?” I asked.

“Why don’t you invite her in to cook with you?” he said.

“Because she’s three?” I said.

“Give her a bag of flour and a wooden spoon! Kids love to make a happy mess in the kitchen!” he replied breezily.

And then, dear readers, it all became clear.

Even this stock photo of his idea gives me hives. (Caiaimage/Sam Edwards for Getty)

This “parenting expert” had never tried to make dinner in 30 minutes at 5pm on a Wednesday after a long work day. This “proud father” did not have to scramble to get everyone fed, do the dishes, and keep bedtime on track. This man could offer me and my readers no practical solutions or insights because he truly believed that arming a hangry toddler with, and I cannot underscore this enough, a wooden spoon and an open bag of flour was the better parenting decision than letting her watch 30 minutes of Peppa Pig so I could make us both dinner without crying.

Is there a time and a place for “a happy mess in the kitchen?” Sure! Is it a weeknight? Get the fuck out.

Lots of you commented on Thursday’s episode that you truly enjoy cooking with your kids. I too have known the occasional pleasure of making a batch of cookies with my children on a Sunday afternoon. I also understand that previous generations of parents didn’t have tablets to hand over when they needed 30 minutes (or more!) of peace. And when I think about, say, my own grandmother who raised four boys and cooked dinner every night of their childhoods, I feel certain she would have freaking loved screen time.

The Fallacy of Eating The Way Your Great-Grandmother Ate

This Harvard researcher’s wisdom is actually tied for “worst advice ever” with a lactation consultant I worked with after my first daughter was born.

This story is a bit more personal and honestly still triggers me to talk about so—paywall incoming! As always, email for a comp if you need one.