Can We Quiet Quit Social Media?
Because I'm done working for free. Plus saving democracy, babies in restaurants, and couch pasta.
Friday Thread: What’s Your Deal with Social Media Now?
As I said on the podcast yesterday, I stopped tweeting (x-ing?) last month and feel great about that decision. In the past year, I also deleted my LinkedIn and my public Facebook page and miss them not at all. (I keep a personal Facebook that I rarely/never post on, just to keep up with town gossip and school info and such.) I would like to say this was all an ethically-driven decision; social media platforms are all owned by corrupt billionaires (so, billionaires) and enable the rampant spreading of hate speech. Plus unless you are very intentional about who you follow, it’s the fastest way to keep a steady drip of diet culture and anti-fatness running directly into your veins.
But to be honest, it was more that I was burnt out from trying to be in all the places, and manage the trolls who find me everywhere I go.
It has also, somehow, been almost two months since I posted a reel on Instagram. Making reels used to be an absolute albatross in my daily to do list — I felt like every newsletter essay and podcast episode needed an elaborate companion reel to help promote it. And the book launch, of course, leveled up the social media pressure in all sorts of ways. But when I started paying closer attention to my Substack stats, I realized that the inherent silo’ed nature of Instagram means that I get very little direct traffic from it. The app just does not want you to click a link and leave. That’s why we have to do that “link in bio” nonsense, or why, once upon a time, everyone with a book to sell was desperate to get to 10,000 followers and earn swipe-up links.
I began reconsidering my relationship with reels earlier this year when I realized that a quick video of me eating a snack next to a troll comment performs an order of magnitude better than anything that requires hours of shooting and editing. This is the TikTok influence, of course (and yes, I’m rethinking my presence on that app too; for now, I’ve turned off comments and DMs and moved the app off my phone’s home screen, which means I regularly forget it exists.) High concept, highly edited reels did work for awhile, until they didn’t. But even when they worked “better” in terms of engagement, it turns out that nuanced think pieces don’t translate well to 60 seconds of video content. Sometimes it takes longer to make the video than it does to write the whole essay. And because I don’t work with sponsors, none of my Instagram work is paid labor unless it consistently drives people over to Substack to subscribe. Which, my stats have shown me month after month, it does only at a slow trickle.
For awhile I thought this was a Me Problem: I just wasn’t good enough at making good Instagram content; I was missing a subtle algorithm shift that everyone else had divined or I wasn’t being creative enough or communicating effectively with my audience there. But my Instagram following on the app has grown just fine, even with all the ways the algorithm can choose at random to de-prioritize your content and show a really great post to 12 people for no apparent reason. So this is a system problem—and by problem, I mean, very strategic design choice.
When I stopped making reels in August, I thought I was just taking a break for vacation. (If I had thought more about it, the last one standing would probably not be what I wore to the Barbie movie.) But vacation happened, and I came home, and I just had zero desire to get back to it. I even made half a reel last week, got bored, and stopped. So I might just be done with all that?
I’m not quitting the app entirely.
, who is much better at everything Internet than me, won’t let me shut down another professional platform because she worries we’ll always need our followers for some as-yet-unforeseen business strategy, and I never question her wisdom. I also genuinely like posting random garden pics and other nonsense in Stories and chatting in DMs.But I’ve realized my real online community is now—right here. So if I’ going to spend extra time staring at my phone, I’d much rather be chatting with all of you! (Related: The first Extra Butter Live AMA is coming up next Wednesday, Oct 11, you can upgrade your subscription here to join us!) And I have found that posting a few quick newsletter updates in InstaStories throughout the week generates the same number of clicks over to Substack, and sometimes more (which seems wild but this was also Amy’s idea so of course it’s brilliant). For now my IG follower count has even continued to grow, which I don’t expect to last forever, but is fine. As a professional writer, I stopped working for free long ago… until I started making free content for a giant social media company. And now, I’m ready to quit.
I realize most of you don’t use social media for professional purposes, and maybe none of the above is all that interesting. But I think a lot of us are reconsidering our relationship with it these days, even if it’s just for fun. And if you are someone for whom social media is a professional necessity, I suspect you’re also constantly doing the math on the effort to reward ratio, and I’d love to know hear where you’re landing.
So I’m curious to know: How are you feeling about social media right now?
Feel free to share which apps you’re on, which apps you’re off, and how obsessively you check it. (Full disclosure, my mindless scrolling/overall phone use is… probably not down at all? But as
says, quality matters when it comes to screen time.) If you’re finding real value in an online community, I’d love to know about it. If you’re finding real value in being less online, I’d love to know about that too.PS. To join this conversation, you do need to be a paid Burnt Toast subscriber. Here’s how to join us! Please check out our thread rules if you’re a new commenter. There is no moral purity test to pass here and everyone’s relationship with social media is allowed to be different and valid!
Burnt Toast Giving Circle Update
Virginia is now the only southern state that has not restricted abortion access after the fall of Roe in 2022. But a rightwing Virginia House majority, along with Republican Governor Youngkin, is threatening the future of reproductive rights there. Youngkin has asked the state legislature to send him a bill limiting access to abortions—and we currently only have 2-seat majority in the State Senate to block it.
The Burnt Toast Giving Circle has raised over $12,000 so far to support Democratic state leg candidates in Virginia. I’m hoping we can make our goal of $15,000 by the November 3 deadline. But that means it’s crunch time.
If you’re wondering why state legislatures matter so much, start here. You can meet Kimberly Pope Adams, Democratic VA House Candidate, here. If you’re in a position to donate even a few bucks, join us here. (And if you’re into flipping states blue but want to focus on a different state, you can start your own Giving Circle here!)
Friday Links & Recs
Moms in recovery talk about not passing their eating disorders on to their kids. (Plus great advice from two of my favorite eating disorder experts, Kendrin Sonneville and Rachel Millner!!)
Helen Rosner on babies in restaurants is a fun read, though I do appreciate her reality check that a “baby-friendly” restaurant is not the same as a “kid-friendly” restaurant.
I’m solo this weekend and might cook this for myself; also has strong easy weeknight dinner vibes.
See also: COUCH PASTA.
defends TV and I am here for it.A simple way to reduce sexism (and misgendering) in kids that I admit I have an oddly hard time putting into practice but am newly determined to work on, thanks to
.Happy three years to one of my favorite newsletter co-workers,
!The standard prescription to lose 5 to 10 percent of your body weight is—wait for it—useless and steeped in anti-fat bias.
Book Stuff
It was a total delight to chat with
for Under The Influence, one of my favorite binge-worthy podcasts:
Was so pleased to contribute to
’s (really long) list of fat positive kid’s media, which is so full of great stuff to watch and read!Another of business-of-newslettering interview, this time with the brilliant
who, fun fact, is one of the people who talked me into doing a Substack, so thanks Claire!