Laura, 64, mother of an almost 13-year-old. I came to the anti-diet conversation when I decided to give up dieting in 2018, but I still needed to do a lot of work on fat phobia.
And here's part of the story I wouldn't have told before this week, when I published a long personal essay at Scribd about some things that happened to me last summer, when I and almost everyone close to me decided to fall down. But it's the first time I've written at any length about the fact that my husband left me in early 2020, before the pandemic was under way. Then 61, I didn't feel great in my body and the most "natural" thing in the world would have been to try diet as a way to "transform" it because, god forbid, what if people thought my marriage ended because I was old and ugly and undesirable. (I'm working on ageism, too.) (Also, that's not why my marriage ended, I have a really good relationship with my ex and we are terrific co-parents, if I do say so myself. But that's how it felt, in early 2020.)
The single best thing I did, however, was NOT succumbing to the old coping mechanism of dieting because that's what dieting was for me, a cycle that went something like this: I feel bad about myself/I go on diet/People say nice things to me/I feel better. It is only lately that I realized how much I loved going on diets, like it was some sort of spiritual journey. I was addicted to the _cycle_. But I resisted the impulse to fall off the wagon and start dieting again. I stood up a little straighter. I started wearing the beautiful clothes in my closet, even if I had nowhere to go. And I began to work very hard on quieting the horrible judging voice in my head, the one that is far crueler to me than it was to anyone else.
BTW, just imagine me liking every post here. Because I am.
As for Friday dinners -- when I was a kid, we had a very set routine of carry-out pizza, and I love pizza to this day. But my kid craves variety, so we mix it up a lot.
Hi! I'm Rachel, 36, a rock singer/voice teacher/vocologist in the Boston area. I found Burnt Toast via MommaStrong, which I started when my now 4 year old was 6 months, and introduced me to intuitive eating and started me on this life changing path. Currently 22 weeks pregnant after an exhausting 18 month struggle with secondary infertility, and trying to maintain my gains in healthier relationships with food and my body while navigating pregnancy (with hyperemesis and GDM) and preparing for my first XX baby, who I know will face SO much more body and food pressure than my son does. So grateful that this community will be around for that. And that I can now send a copy of Fat Talk to my in-laws to try to help them understand why we're ok with our son having ice cream for dinner sometimes!
I'm Amy. I'm 39 and I live in the Metrowest (outside of Boston). I am married with no kids (by choice!) and one very adorable Catahoula hound.
What brought me here is that I am fat. Mid-fat, to be more specific.I have been some form of fat all my adult life. The last time I was able to shop in the straight size section was probably somewhere in the 15 to 20 years ago range.
I have PCOS and have struggled with my energy levels and food and which things will actually fuel me since I was a teenager. I was diagnosed when I was about 16 and I distinctly remember my gynecologist (who was also my mother's gyno and who DELIVERED ME AS A BABY) telling me I just needed to "not eat so much food" and he made a motion of putting something into his mouth and chewing, as if this was not clear enough. This moment brought me a lot of shame as a teen, but now it just brings me rage. We didn't even discuss what I WAS eating, he just assumed it must be too much.
I was strongly encouraged to diet in my late teens and early 20s. My parents paid for WW online when I was in undergrad. I spent much of my 20s being hungry all the time even because I didn't understand that I needed to actually eat a breakfast that contained protein in order to even give my body a chance to have stable blood sugar throughout the day. I am sort of parsing out what I recognize as an irrational fear of feeling too hungry.
About 7 or 8 years ago I was referred to a nutritionist who told me she was going to teach me intuitive eating and be mindful of my OCD, but fast forward a year later and she basically had me doing keto and tracking everything to obsession.
Like the hulk, my secret is that I'm always angry. I am anti-diet but I still have some rules around foods that honest to god make me feel like shit when I eat them, and I do feel pretty good about that boundary. And I still always have protein with breakfast, because that's just good sense.
We (actually my husband, because I'm usually out doing our weekly grocery shop after work on Fridays) often make pizza on Fridays and he's gotten REALLY good at it. We make the dough in our bread machine and we like to put sun dried tomatoes and olives on it. Tonight he's making one with the last of our garlic pesto from last summer that was still in our freezer.
HOWEVER, my hot tip on Friday night dinner is that when I was in grad school and super broke, my roommate and I instituted "Breakfast for Dinner Fridays" so we could fight the urge to get take out because we honestly couldn't afford it. It was genius, because the allure of pancakes and bacon or giant ass omelettes or waffles or biscuits and gravy was always enough to drown out the siren song of a takeout dinner.
Hi everyone! I’m Katy ~ 42, mom of 3 (11, 16, 17) and I’m an educator / librarian in western Wisconsin. I have been in recovery from an exercise addiction and eating disorder for years now and adore Virginia’s work because maybe, just maybe, it will help stop the trauma with our generation ❤️ My favorite Friday night meal is a big bowl of stove-popped popcorn eaten on the couch while I’m devouring a book!
Hello! I'm Kay and I'm 65 living with my husband and, for now, my mom. After a couple of false starts, I am finally retired. I love traveling in our RV, knitting, reading, walking/hiking and yoga (these days).
I'm not sure what brings me to the anti-fat discussion and am trying to unpack it. I am currently a straight sized person. I've had periods of my life where I've been small fat. I'm a mom and have a son who is fat and I think some of my motivation for being here is realizing that while I have strenuously tried to not show any anti fat sentiments toward him, I do not know how he is doing. Has he experienced anti-fat backlash? Does he feel less than because he is fat? I have encouraged him to lose weight in the past so I do have some baggage here. I think I'm looking for vocabulary to show my love and support (if he feels like he needs support). For myself, I'd like to understand what healthy means to me - or if there is a definition of healthy out there that I can understand. I'd like not to jump on the scale every morning. I'm 65 and my doctor considers me healthy but is that just the absence of disease? I could go on. :)
Tough one about Friday night favorites! Tacos from our fave place or make you cry Thai.
I’m 42, a homeschooling mom based out of SC. I came here bc I struggled with disordered eating for several years after getting sober. I went to a therapist for several years and finally started reading Evelyn Tribole’s book in 2018. I am hoping to continue to be help walk my children through a world of diet culture without them getting caught up in it.
Hi! I'm Mallory, 38, in Indianapolis. I'm here mostly because I have two young daughters and I want desperately to help them avoid the diet culture trap that all of us raised in the 80s-early 2000s fell into. My mom was constantly dieting, constantly commenting on hers and others' bodies and weights, and I do not want to perpetuate that cycle. Also, I just want family meals to be fun and low-stress and not a battle!
My favorite Friday night meal is anything I don't have to cook, so usually pizza or an order from a local ghost kitchen called Clustertruck.
Hi, I’m Kristen. I’m 36, live in DC, and have two small daughters. I found Virginia’s work after realizing how truly messed up my parents’ generation’s relationship with food was (my earliest memory of my mom is her having a Diet Rite for breakfast) and how it has deeply affected me for decades. I’m straight sized but want to make sure my kids grow up in a more healthy way and that I’m able to teach them that body diversity is awesome and bodies change all the time. (We are currently on our second copy of Bodies Are Cool because the first was loved to death.) And my favorite Friday night takeout options are Ethiopian and ramen.
Hiya! I’m Jackie, 36 year old queer fat mama of 2 (4 & 16 months) - I currently call Florida home but am originally from Philly.
I’m here because I love Virginia’s work abs because I do not want my children to grow up the way I did.
My anti- fatness journey began a few years ago when I realized how few folks were represented in the slow fashion space. I’ve since created my own page and now earn some money by helping brands expand their size range.
Fave Friday night food is probably steamed dumplings or ruffles & French onion dip :)
May 5, 2023·edited May 5, 2023Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith
Hey y'all! I'm Linds, 35, originally from AR and living in DC! A few years ago I found some old diaries from when I was in elementary school. I had been stealing my mom's diet pills and calling myself a heifer because that's what Cher in Clueless did whenever she ate something that wasn't celery or carrot sticks. I LOVE what Virginia brings into this world and I'm here to support her and disseminate the work. I'm trying to bring my mom along on this journey, and my ultimate goal is to leave the state of things better than the way I found it. No more 9 year olds stressed about how their bodies look... I want them excited about how their bodies feel and all the cool things they can do. And on Friday nights I'm all about a mug full of dry cereal or goldfish. Something about holding the handle and crunching!!
I'm Rachel, 39, live in NYC with my toddler and my husband. I train future rabbis for a job, which is super cool. (Especially because many of them are Orthodox women, who have not traditionally gotten to have leadership roles.) I don't remember how I originally found Burnt Toast, but it has been so important to me as I raise a little girl (and hopefully other kids in the future, more fertility treatments permitting.) My mom was, and still is, always on a diet. (In her 70s! It's such a bummer!) I was taken to Weight Watchers as a 10 year old at my pediatrician's suggestion, even though I was actually gaining weight because of puberty and an undiagnosed serious depressive episode, and it messed me up what feels like permanently. I just don't want my daughter to weigh herself, or feel like she needs to hoard or hide food, or think her body is only good if it looks a certain way, or to be afraid of seeking medical care because she is worried she'll be lectured about her weight.
I'm still doing a ton of work on unlearning my own fatphobia, which these days is much more directed towards myself (despite my not being fat and having a ton of thin privilege), especially after my body got much bigger during pregnancy and then just... stayed that way. But I can feel myself becoming more body neutral, and catching my fatphobic thoughts, whether about myself or others, and that is exciting. I just don't want to be on a diet when i'm 70, or feel like I should be. Life is too short.
Also here for the great community, and for learning how to respond when my mother-in-law moralizes every single food in the book.
Friday night is Shabbat dinner here, so it's always delicious challah and baked goods, and whatever else I feel like making. Last week was asparagus, salt and pepper tofu, mac and cheese, and an amazing blood orange olive oil cake.
May 5, 2023·edited May 5, 2023Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith
Hi, I'm Frannie: early 40s with 4 small kids (1-9 years old), American but living in Dubai, UAE for the past 15 years. I'm a lifelong overweight and now obese person (thank you 4 pregnancies, sleep deprivation, and breastfeeding). I grew up with 2 formerly semi-anorexic parents who are lifelong athletes. I was always overweight, and am an emotional eater / binge eater / exhaustion eater / boredom eater. I find reading about fat bias and fat culture fascinating. I've never dieted in my life, but have been constantly pressured to do so by my parents / family. And my dream is to not pass these burdens and neuroses down to my children.
On friday nights our family eats Pitfire Pizza (best pizza in Dubai!) and watches a movie that one of the 6 of us chooses. Yes, even the 1 year old although she can be bribed ;)
also, living so long in a place full of people from all over the world, American fat culture and wellness culture is sooo different from the pernicious weight and appearance cultures. It seems every place on earth does appearance / health / fat stuff in their own special miserable way!
When are we getting "gospel of indulgence" merch, Virginia?!?
Hi, I'm Oona, and I'll be 48 next week (my older child will be turning 20 next week, and that is the real mind-bender for me! What is time?)
I'd like to think I would have found my way to questioning diet culture eventually, but my painful short-cut here was having a child develop anorexia. My eyes were opened to just how insidious anti-fat bias is and how it affects the way we talk about and relate to food. When my kid got sick, and I was trying to learn more about eating disorders (like most people, I *thought* I knew a lot about EDs, but, boy, was I wrong), I came across Christy Harrison's Food Psych Podcast. That's where I heard Virginia talking about her first book, which I devoured in about a day!
Examining my own beliefs about food and bodies (and learning a new way to see the world) laid the groundwork for helping my kid recover when we finally found a treatment that worked (after months and months of horrible treatment, including a stay in an inpatient ED-psych unit where the program director told my kid (wait for it....) "Don't worry--we won't let you get fat.")
Friday night dinner faves: it's a tough one, but I'd say it's a tie between homemade pizza (I buy the dough at Trader Joe's, and everyone makes their own pie) and Mexican fast casual takeout from a local LA-area chain called Sharky's. They have The. Best. Chips.
I'm Eliza. I live in Brooklyn with my family of three. My daughter is three years old. Becoming a mother has led me to approaching my own body in many new and mostly wonderful ways. Like many of the moms here, im anxious not to pass on my life long drama with my own fantastic body to my daughter. The free podcast has proven to be such a helpful resource, I realized it's work that I'd like to support with $$$. I'm hopeful that this is a full on paradigm shift.
Lisabritt Solsky Stevens, age 52, living in Concord NH. I have 3 amazing kids 21, 19, 16. Married to my amazing 2nd husband for 4+ years. With the exception of most of college, I was always thin. I grew up in the 70s-80s and did stupid and unnecessary diets with my mother. She was super judgy and body shamed me in college when I was carrying the weight of beer and bread that made up my daily inputs. When I left for grad school and was super homesick, her suggestion was weight loss. Anyway, flash forward to two years ago when I gained 40 lbs over night and don’t recognize myself, have no idea what to wear, where to shop, etc because the places I reliably shopped for years may carry a size 14 but it looks like hell. I fell into the anti fat conversation first through Maintenance Phase - I love Aubrey so much. And through all of this I am seeing that how me and my family have responded to my youngest child who carries extra weight, has not been ideal and was probably at times, hurtful. I’ve told him about this awakening, that I’m sorry and want to do better. I’m also just trying to learn how to be ok in this new body I’m in. It’s easier to show others grace than myself. I don’t have a fave Friday night meal bu whatever it is, I like it with a glass of Sauvignon Blanc, preferably from New Zealand or Austrailia!
May 5, 2023·edited May 5, 2023Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith
Hello, all! I’m Jill. I’m 37 and live in the Boston area (looking forward to the MOS event!).
I found my way into the anti-diet/fat lib world through podcasts, including Virginia’s previous podcast, “Comfort Food.”
I went on my first diet around age 10 and developed an eating disorder that lasted many years. I’m now an editor and have brought the anti-diet ethos into my work, lobbying for the use of accurate, nonjudgmental language around food and weight. While I’m not a parent, I believe that changing our language is one small way we can help kids have a healthier relationship with food and their bodies — although it certainly isn’t the only thing that needs to change.
I don’t have a specific favorite Friday meal, but it would ideally be eaten on a restaurant patio in warm weather with friends and involve a delicious cocktail.
Laura, 64, mother of an almost 13-year-old. I came to the anti-diet conversation when I decided to give up dieting in 2018, but I still needed to do a lot of work on fat phobia.
And here's part of the story I wouldn't have told before this week, when I published a long personal essay at Scribd about some things that happened to me last summer, when I and almost everyone close to me decided to fall down. But it's the first time I've written at any length about the fact that my husband left me in early 2020, before the pandemic was under way. Then 61, I didn't feel great in my body and the most "natural" thing in the world would have been to try diet as a way to "transform" it because, god forbid, what if people thought my marriage ended because I was old and ugly and undesirable. (I'm working on ageism, too.) (Also, that's not why my marriage ended, I have a really good relationship with my ex and we are terrific co-parents, if I do say so myself. But that's how it felt, in early 2020.)
The single best thing I did, however, was NOT succumbing to the old coping mechanism of dieting because that's what dieting was for me, a cycle that went something like this: I feel bad about myself/I go on diet/People say nice things to me/I feel better. It is only lately that I realized how much I loved going on diets, like it was some sort of spiritual journey. I was addicted to the _cycle_. But I resisted the impulse to fall off the wagon and start dieting again. I stood up a little straighter. I started wearing the beautiful clothes in my closet, even if I had nowhere to go. And I began to work very hard on quieting the horrible judging voice in my head, the one that is far crueler to me than it was to anyone else.
BTW, just imagine me liking every post here. Because I am.
As for Friday dinners -- when I was a kid, we had a very set routine of carry-out pizza, and I love pizza to this day. But my kid craves variety, so we mix it up a lot.
Love this so much Laura. Can’t wait to read SUMMER OF FALL.
Hi! I'm Rachel, 36, a rock singer/voice teacher/vocologist in the Boston area. I found Burnt Toast via MommaStrong, which I started when my now 4 year old was 6 months, and introduced me to intuitive eating and started me on this life changing path. Currently 22 weeks pregnant after an exhausting 18 month struggle with secondary infertility, and trying to maintain my gains in healthier relationships with food and my body while navigating pregnancy (with hyperemesis and GDM) and preparing for my first XX baby, who I know will face SO much more body and food pressure than my son does. So grateful that this community will be around for that. And that I can now send a copy of Fat Talk to my in-laws to try to help them understand why we're ok with our son having ice cream for dinner sometimes!
Fangirling a little that you found me through MommaStrong!
Congratulations on the pregnancy! And I hear you, I’m planning to share Fat Talk with my parents!
Yessss
Congratulations! I love intuitive eating - makes so much SENSE.
I love MommaStrong!
I'm Amy. I'm 39 and I live in the Metrowest (outside of Boston). I am married with no kids (by choice!) and one very adorable Catahoula hound.
What brought me here is that I am fat. Mid-fat, to be more specific.I have been some form of fat all my adult life. The last time I was able to shop in the straight size section was probably somewhere in the 15 to 20 years ago range.
I have PCOS and have struggled with my energy levels and food and which things will actually fuel me since I was a teenager. I was diagnosed when I was about 16 and I distinctly remember my gynecologist (who was also my mother's gyno and who DELIVERED ME AS A BABY) telling me I just needed to "not eat so much food" and he made a motion of putting something into his mouth and chewing, as if this was not clear enough. This moment brought me a lot of shame as a teen, but now it just brings me rage. We didn't even discuss what I WAS eating, he just assumed it must be too much.
I was strongly encouraged to diet in my late teens and early 20s. My parents paid for WW online when I was in undergrad. I spent much of my 20s being hungry all the time even because I didn't understand that I needed to actually eat a breakfast that contained protein in order to even give my body a chance to have stable blood sugar throughout the day. I am sort of parsing out what I recognize as an irrational fear of feeling too hungry.
About 7 or 8 years ago I was referred to a nutritionist who told me she was going to teach me intuitive eating and be mindful of my OCD, but fast forward a year later and she basically had me doing keto and tracking everything to obsession.
Like the hulk, my secret is that I'm always angry. I am anti-diet but I still have some rules around foods that honest to god make me feel like shit when I eat them, and I do feel pretty good about that boundary. And I still always have protein with breakfast, because that's just good sense.
We (actually my husband, because I'm usually out doing our weekly grocery shop after work on Fridays) often make pizza on Fridays and he's gotten REALLY good at it. We make the dough in our bread machine and we like to put sun dried tomatoes and olives on it. Tonight he's making one with the last of our garlic pesto from last summer that was still in our freezer.
HOWEVER, my hot tip on Friday night dinner is that when I was in grad school and super broke, my roommate and I instituted "Breakfast for Dinner Fridays" so we could fight the urge to get take out because we honestly couldn't afford it. It was genius, because the allure of pancakes and bacon or giant ass omelettes or waffles or biscuits and gravy was always enough to drown out the siren song of a takeout dinner.
Hi everyone! I’m Katy ~ 42, mom of 3 (11, 16, 17) and I’m an educator / librarian in western Wisconsin. I have been in recovery from an exercise addiction and eating disorder for years now and adore Virginia’s work because maybe, just maybe, it will help stop the trauma with our generation ❤️ My favorite Friday night meal is a big bowl of stove-popped popcorn eaten on the couch while I’m devouring a book!
Hi from Mt. Horeb, Wisconsin!
Hello! I'm Kay and I'm 65 living with my husband and, for now, my mom. After a couple of false starts, I am finally retired. I love traveling in our RV, knitting, reading, walking/hiking and yoga (these days).
I'm not sure what brings me to the anti-fat discussion and am trying to unpack it. I am currently a straight sized person. I've had periods of my life where I've been small fat. I'm a mom and have a son who is fat and I think some of my motivation for being here is realizing that while I have strenuously tried to not show any anti fat sentiments toward him, I do not know how he is doing. Has he experienced anti-fat backlash? Does he feel less than because he is fat? I have encouraged him to lose weight in the past so I do have some baggage here. I think I'm looking for vocabulary to show my love and support (if he feels like he needs support). For myself, I'd like to understand what healthy means to me - or if there is a definition of healthy out there that I can understand. I'd like not to jump on the scale every morning. I'm 65 and my doctor considers me healthy but is that just the absence of disease? I could go on. :)
Tough one about Friday night favorites! Tacos from our fave place or make you cry Thai.
I’m 42, a homeschooling mom based out of SC. I came here bc I struggled with disordered eating for several years after getting sober. I went to a therapist for several years and finally started reading Evelyn Tribole’s book in 2018. I am hoping to continue to be help walk my children through a world of diet culture without them getting caught up in it.
We love Mexican on a Friday night!
Hurray for Evelyn Tribole!
Hi! I'm Mallory, 38, in Indianapolis. I'm here mostly because I have two young daughters and I want desperately to help them avoid the diet culture trap that all of us raised in the 80s-early 2000s fell into. My mom was constantly dieting, constantly commenting on hers and others' bodies and weights, and I do not want to perpetuate that cycle. Also, I just want family meals to be fun and low-stress and not a battle!
My favorite Friday night meal is anything I don't have to cook, so usually pizza or an order from a local ghost kitchen called Clustertruck.
We love homemade pizza on a Fri night - a hassle to make but SO GOOD...
Hi, I’m Kristen. I’m 36, live in DC, and have two small daughters. I found Virginia’s work after realizing how truly messed up my parents’ generation’s relationship with food was (my earliest memory of my mom is her having a Diet Rite for breakfast) and how it has deeply affected me for decades. I’m straight sized but want to make sure my kids grow up in a more healthy way and that I’m able to teach them that body diversity is awesome and bodies change all the time. (We are currently on our second copy of Bodies Are Cool because the first was loved to death.) And my favorite Friday night takeout options are Ethiopian and ramen.
Hi from DC as well! 35 with two daughters and we love Toki underground for Friday ramen :)
Yes! Toki Underground is the best!
Hello from DC! Ethiopian is a great choice because there are SO many options here!
Yes!! We are so lucky to have so many great places! (Although Zenebech has my heart.)
Hiya! I’m Jackie, 36 year old queer fat mama of 2 (4 & 16 months) - I currently call Florida home but am originally from Philly.
I’m here because I love Virginia’s work abs because I do not want my children to grow up the way I did.
My anti- fatness journey began a few years ago when I realized how few folks were represented in the slow fashion space. I’ve since created my own page and now earn some money by helping brands expand their size range.
Fave Friday night food is probably steamed dumplings or ruffles & French onion dip :)
You're making me hungry....
Hey y'all! I'm Linds, 35, originally from AR and living in DC! A few years ago I found some old diaries from when I was in elementary school. I had been stealing my mom's diet pills and calling myself a heifer because that's what Cher in Clueless did whenever she ate something that wasn't celery or carrot sticks. I LOVE what Virginia brings into this world and I'm here to support her and disseminate the work. I'm trying to bring my mom along on this journey, and my ultimate goal is to leave the state of things better than the way I found it. No more 9 year olds stressed about how their bodies look... I want them excited about how their bodies feel and all the cool things they can do. And on Friday nights I'm all about a mug full of dry cereal or goldfish. Something about holding the handle and crunching!!
Yes to no more 9 year olds stressed about their bodies! And to goldfish!
Hi from DC! (And feeling seen on the depressing childhood diary entries…)
I'm Rachel, 39, live in NYC with my toddler and my husband. I train future rabbis for a job, which is super cool. (Especially because many of them are Orthodox women, who have not traditionally gotten to have leadership roles.) I don't remember how I originally found Burnt Toast, but it has been so important to me as I raise a little girl (and hopefully other kids in the future, more fertility treatments permitting.) My mom was, and still is, always on a diet. (In her 70s! It's such a bummer!) I was taken to Weight Watchers as a 10 year old at my pediatrician's suggestion, even though I was actually gaining weight because of puberty and an undiagnosed serious depressive episode, and it messed me up what feels like permanently. I just don't want my daughter to weigh herself, or feel like she needs to hoard or hide food, or think her body is only good if it looks a certain way, or to be afraid of seeking medical care because she is worried she'll be lectured about her weight.
I'm still doing a ton of work on unlearning my own fatphobia, which these days is much more directed towards myself (despite my not being fat and having a ton of thin privilege), especially after my body got much bigger during pregnancy and then just... stayed that way. But I can feel myself becoming more body neutral, and catching my fatphobic thoughts, whether about myself or others, and that is exciting. I just don't want to be on a diet when i'm 70, or feel like I should be. Life is too short.
Also here for the great community, and for learning how to respond when my mother-in-law moralizes every single food in the book.
Friday night is Shabbat dinner here, so it's always delicious challah and baked goods, and whatever else I feel like making. Last week was asparagus, salt and pepper tofu, mac and cheese, and an amazing blood orange olive oil cake.
Hi! Just hopping on to say your Shabbat dinner sounds delicious and your job sounds super interesting and cool 😎
I read your first sentences as "future rabbits." My imagination ran wild with what that would entail ;)
that would certainly be exciting also, but in a different sort of way :)
I did, too! :)
Hi, I'm Frannie: early 40s with 4 small kids (1-9 years old), American but living in Dubai, UAE for the past 15 years. I'm a lifelong overweight and now obese person (thank you 4 pregnancies, sleep deprivation, and breastfeeding). I grew up with 2 formerly semi-anorexic parents who are lifelong athletes. I was always overweight, and am an emotional eater / binge eater / exhaustion eater / boredom eater. I find reading about fat bias and fat culture fascinating. I've never dieted in my life, but have been constantly pressured to do so by my parents / family. And my dream is to not pass these burdens and neuroses down to my children.
On friday nights our family eats Pitfire Pizza (best pizza in Dubai!) and watches a movie that one of the 6 of us chooses. Yes, even the 1 year old although she can be bribed ;)
also, living so long in a place full of people from all over the world, American fat culture and wellness culture is sooo different from the pernicious weight and appearance cultures. It seems every place on earth does appearance / health / fat stuff in their own special miserable way!
When are we getting "gospel of indulgence" merch, Virginia?!?
Hi, I'm Oona, and I'll be 48 next week (my older child will be turning 20 next week, and that is the real mind-bender for me! What is time?)
I'd like to think I would have found my way to questioning diet culture eventually, but my painful short-cut here was having a child develop anorexia. My eyes were opened to just how insidious anti-fat bias is and how it affects the way we talk about and relate to food. When my kid got sick, and I was trying to learn more about eating disorders (like most people, I *thought* I knew a lot about EDs, but, boy, was I wrong), I came across Christy Harrison's Food Psych Podcast. That's where I heard Virginia talking about her first book, which I devoured in about a day!
Examining my own beliefs about food and bodies (and learning a new way to see the world) laid the groundwork for helping my kid recover when we finally found a treatment that worked (after months and months of horrible treatment, including a stay in an inpatient ED-psych unit where the program director told my kid (wait for it....) "Don't worry--we won't let you get fat.")
Friday night dinner faves: it's a tough one, but I'd say it's a tie between homemade pizza (I buy the dough at Trader Joe's, and everyone makes their own pie) and Mexican fast casual takeout from a local LA-area chain called Sharky's. They have The. Best. Chips.
seconding the update on merch 😂 (but also, no rush!)
If anyone has good merch maker suggestions, hit me up!!
Hello High Priestesses,
I'm Eliza. I live in Brooklyn with my family of three. My daughter is three years old. Becoming a mother has led me to approaching my own body in many new and mostly wonderful ways. Like many of the moms here, im anxious not to pass on my life long drama with my own fantastic body to my daughter. The free podcast has proven to be such a helpful resource, I realized it's work that I'd like to support with $$$. I'm hopeful that this is a full on paradigm shift.
Lisabritt Solsky Stevens, age 52, living in Concord NH. I have 3 amazing kids 21, 19, 16. Married to my amazing 2nd husband for 4+ years. With the exception of most of college, I was always thin. I grew up in the 70s-80s and did stupid and unnecessary diets with my mother. She was super judgy and body shamed me in college when I was carrying the weight of beer and bread that made up my daily inputs. When I left for grad school and was super homesick, her suggestion was weight loss. Anyway, flash forward to two years ago when I gained 40 lbs over night and don’t recognize myself, have no idea what to wear, where to shop, etc because the places I reliably shopped for years may carry a size 14 but it looks like hell. I fell into the anti fat conversation first through Maintenance Phase - I love Aubrey so much. And through all of this I am seeing that how me and my family have responded to my youngest child who carries extra weight, has not been ideal and was probably at times, hurtful. I’ve told him about this awakening, that I’m sorry and want to do better. I’m also just trying to learn how to be ok in this new body I’m in. It’s easier to show others grace than myself. I don’t have a fave Friday night meal bu whatever it is, I like it with a glass of Sauvignon Blanc, preferably from New Zealand or Austrailia!
Hello, all! I’m Jill. I’m 37 and live in the Boston area (looking forward to the MOS event!).
I found my way into the anti-diet/fat lib world through podcasts, including Virginia’s previous podcast, “Comfort Food.”
I went on my first diet around age 10 and developed an eating disorder that lasted many years. I’m now an editor and have brought the anti-diet ethos into my work, lobbying for the use of accurate, nonjudgmental language around food and weight. While I’m not a parent, I believe that changing our language is one small way we can help kids have a healthier relationship with food and their bodies — although it certainly isn’t the only thing that needs to change.
I don’t have a specific favorite Friday meal, but it would ideally be eaten on a restaurant patio in warm weather with friends and involve a delicious cocktail.