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My only child went to college. I get a constant barrage of ‘empty nest’ comments and ‘how are you Mom?’ questions with a heavy dose of worry in them. I miss my kid, but I am fine. Better than fine. So much time on my hands and it is glorious! No school bus, extracurriculars to schedule or teacher meet ups! Don’t miss that. Excited for what’s next. September!!!!

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Congrats to your child! I'm also an only, and when I first left for college, my mom felt a mix of relief/happiness and sadness/missing me. Honestly, we're better "friends" now and do more interesting things together now that I've graduated college and am moved out. Enjoy yourself! :)

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Thanks for this. I have an only and worry/wonder about this.

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This is giving me such hope for the future! I hope to similarly embrace that next phase when it comes!

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I was never sad for a moment when my nest became empty. I was still in constant contact with my kids, and had lots of freedom too.

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Exactly!

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The house is a mess for sure. There is something sticky on the floors? But I am just rolling with it (not literally because sticky) because so many things need to be done and ON TIME. That is what I miss most about summer: the ability to just ease into things, be late, be however we want to be. The good news though is that I can now see my adult friends! We missed each other this summer because we were traveling and many of us had our kids full time. I have a tradition that I make a lunch date with a friend on the first day of school. This year we went to a too cool restaurant that we’d never be able to get into if we hadn’t gotten there at 10:30am. We ate the most glorious breakfast outside in perfect September weather, and stayed so long we got affogato too. Thanks for reminding me that the flip side of sticky floors is affogato.

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Affogato!!!!!! I love everything you wrote!!!

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My ND daughter started 3K yesterday, in an integrated classroom at a school that is amazing. There's a four day phase in, which seems insane for working parents, and also no busing until day five, so I have to figure out how to get her all the way across NYC (we don't have a car, because NYC) with her 11 week old brother for her to be there for two hours, and then take her back. (My husband is a journalist and therefore working around the clock for obvious reasons.) Yesterday we spent as much time walking back and forth as she did in school. She did great, but then came home and (predictably) had a giant meltdown which ended her in her hitting her baby brother in the face and then both of them screaming. I'm supposed to go back to work in a week after 12 weeks of parental leave, and I could not feel less ready--I love my job but the baby still isn't sleeping and my pelvic floor feels like it could collapse at any moment. Because I've been dealing with the baby, I feel like I totally missed summer and so got no break at all. Plus I have to worry about my kid getting shot at school, and also about her, or me or my husband, being attacked for being visibly Jewish because we live right near Columbia and whatever you think about what's happening in Israel/ Gaza (it's all heartbreaking and horrible, a pox on both leader's houses), screaming at and attacking people for being Jewish is just antisemitism, and doesn't help the people of Gaza at all. So yeah, it's a lot .Thanks for letting me vent, I missed these Fridays!

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Oh my gosh. That’s too much. I’m so sorry about America.

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So much love to you, carrying so much.

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Sep 6Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith

Getting energized to get out the vote! That's what is giving me some hope as I think about the fall. It feels like a purposeful way to direct some of the despair I feel when I think about politics. Sending love to all.

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We started back to school about a month ago and my kids both seem like they are getting into routine of K and 2nd grade albeit still with a lot of big feelings on both their part at home in their safe space. I was feeling hopeful again only to be blindsided by another fucking shooting. My 7 yo told me he saw the news of the shooting in Georgia at Granny’s house yesterday so we had a talk about what had happened and why banning assault weapons was so important. I acknowledged I was more irritable, tired and worried yesterday and told both my kids I was sorry for being short with them during our after school activities time of gymnastics followed by rescheduled soccer practice that didn’t happen Monday bc of Labor Day.

I’ve been volunteering with my local Democratic Party office and we have to win this election. I was in 5th grade when Columbine happened and I can remember elementary school without active shooter drills. Thank you for promoting The States Project for NC, I am trying to stay hopeful for the state that has been my home for 18 years.

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I am feeling hopeful despite all that’s going on because of people like you (I always say I have the best sister) who are such amazing advocates here in NC. As you know I have been struggling here in the back to school season despite not having a child actually starting elementary school yet (Hannah has one year left of preK since she won’t be 5 until October). There’s a lot going on with me around this time so I assume it’s a lot of different things that cause me to be overwhelmed. September is the anniversary of my first pregnancy loss (from 2015), so that tends to show up. September also reminds me of when I was an elementary school counselor for 2 years and although I resigned in June 2016 after being told they weren’t going to renew my contract, it seems like I still have unresolved feelings about my change in career. I have a new co-teacher who has only ever worked with one year olds before so it’s been exhausting trying to train her and teach her all the things she doesn’t know about babies and their schedules (wake windows are a big one). And we are starting to plan our daughter’s 5th birthday party which means there have been a lot of logistical conversations this week with my husband about what we’re doing, what we need to buy, who do we need to talk to about helping us with something. After getting it on the church calendar (we are having it in our church event space so that I don’t have to worry about trying to figure out how to fit 40 people in my house), I feel a bit better.

One thing that is giving me joy is that I have been starting my day (around 5 am) with Swiftie dance parties for 30-40 minutes. Even though I can’t sing so early in the day when everyone else in the house is asleep, I enjoy mouthing along and listening with my headphones. I am getting a big burst of energy in the morning from starting my day off having fun and listening to what I actually like! It’s mostly Taylor Swift songs, but I’ve also had to listen to Good Luck Babe by Chappell Roan at least 2-3 times every morning. It’s so catchy!

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Sep 6Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith

The Georgia school shooting destabilized me- I never get used to them. I also felt another kick in the gut when I heard the shooter was only 14, and the state intends to try him as an adult. How does throwing a relative baby in a federal prison solve anything? Why can we lock up children but not guns? Why can't we protect the most vulnerable? Our society's values mystify me

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Sep 6Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith

I thought the same thing, my stepson is going to turn 14 next month & he is very much not an adult! I wish the adults in that kids life had gotten him into some intensive therapy & removed all guns from the house last year when he was investigated for possibly making threats to do a school shooting. It’s so incredibly sad & frustrating.

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I stayed clear of the news of this shooting for the most part, but I did read one article about his ongoing mental health challenges. Any decent judicial system would place him in a mental institution for treatment, even if that means for life, rather than incarcerate him in an adult prison. It's frustrating how little regard we have for mental health. Hellacious for the victims families. I can't help thinking this kid is a victim of society as well.

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Absolutely agree.

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I have not read a single thing about the shooting in Georgia because I am (my whole community is) still very much feeling the effects of our own school shooting this past May 1st. I thought I was going to be okay sending my new 5th and 2nd graders into their schools, and I was, mostly, but there were also all these dark thoughts, ones that encouraged me to do the math on the likelihood of it happening again. Like, do I feel better, or safer, because it has already happened? Or do I now know, on a cellular level, what it's like to live through a day like that, to survive that? My heart is pounding just writing this. There was a county sheriff's car at one dropoff this morning -- extra presence -- and I realized none of us are past this, even those of us who feel mostly past it, and it's going to take a long, long time to move on, if we ever fully do.

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After gritting my teeth through those final nebulous days between camp and school where everyone had way too much screen time and chocolate for breakfast everyday, my daughter ended up sick and missing the first two days of school, a real gut punch. I also always seem to forget the grueling actuality of the morning routine when I am dreaming about back to school time, although I think my children’s staggered schedule might align a little more this year where at least I don’t have to get out of the car during the drop off period. This shooting happening on the day we had curriculum night at my sons preschool was… something else as we sat and listened to them tell us “we tell them the shelter in place drill is for bad storms! And they really can stay quiet for two minutes, we timed them” as I try not to cry in front of a bunch of parents I just met.

My joy is that I also started school, kicking off a long time dream of a career switch and while I am older than EVERYONE by a lot including some of my professors, I am loving school and really enjoying getting involved.

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We had kindergarten orientation meeting the day after Uvalde in 2022- I was NOT well at that event. They told us lockdown drills were described as being for a suspicious animal like a large dog. My now 7.5 yo heard about the shooting this week and had a lot of questions. He immediately asked me if the football coach had kids like his soccer coach dad. Last week at mini golf he started to cry thinking about his second cousins (age 5 and 3) whose dad has a brain tumor that is the same type that my uncle had- apparently he had thought him being in a clinical trial meant he was being cured and he cried to me on this golf course that if Uncle Tripp already died we couldn’t have Billy die too. There’s been a lot of crying this week and I hate how much heaviness my young children have to deal with on a regular basis. I’ve been out here signing up for more canvassing events this early afternoon after going to a PTA fundraiser at the kids school.

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I'm sorry but *EVERY SIX DAYS*?!?!? This is the most demented schedule I can imagine. It's going to haunt my dreams.

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After 4 long years, COVID finally got me. That it came right after the first full week of school starting during a surge is not surprising. I’m sequestered in our downstairs bedroom because so far my daughter and husband are negative for COVID. 🤞 I did watch the entirety of the new Nicole Kidman murder mystery Perfect Couple yesterday so that’s a positive. I’ve already started on Paxlovid so hopefully that keeps it short. I’m supposed to go to a concert on Monday and a conference next Sunday but who knows now! I’m trying to just roll with it. As it always does, the school shooting in Georgia has left me feeling devastated and incandescent with rage. We received a letter yesterday from our head of school explaining that several local districts had received social media threats in the wake of the shooting so they are on high alert and have stepped up security. The letter also asked us to reassure our children that they are safe at school. I honestly don’t feel like that’s true. Once I’m through this illness I am going to step up my GOTV efforts and hopefully canvas with my local female elected officials/candidates.

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I’ve also someone who had not hat Covid ever until last week and it hit me hard. Oooof. Strange way to end the summer for sure.

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I also, after four years, finally got Covid for the first time and it hit hard (paxlovid helped tho my insurance did not cover it - grrr- and I had a doctor friend overnight it to me from Ohio - the US health care thing is messed up) … so I feel for you! And I had to start teaching the next week, am still so weak with fatigue and brain fog…. Hang in there!!!!

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I was pleasantly surprised how easy it was for me to get paxlovid (I am in Ohio). I was also horrified by how much it would cost without insurance. Mine was covered but the bill said $1700 without insurance. What!?

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I also had COVID a week ago, predictably a week after the school year started. My third time. I got a Paxlovid prescription which helped a lot. I’m grateful for a medication that potentially keeps me from dying (I’m high risk for severe Covid), BUT can we talk about the awful taste that lingers for half the day after each dose? I really wish I had lost my sense of taste this time…

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Awful taste! Nothing makes it go away. I relish the brief period when it stops before I take the next dose. I think it’s also causing nausea and other gastrointestinal issues, but I guess that could be the Covid. I do think it has helped lessen the severity of the illness and I’ve had only very mild respiratory issues which was my main concern with illness induced asthma. Still tested positive today on day 6 but I’m hopeful for tomorrow. 🤞

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My son just started back on Wed which I was more than ready for. I spoke with his teacher about some of the challenges we had over the summer (writing, spelling and reading for pleasure in particular) and asked if he could bring his ear defenders in to help with concentration. She was completely in board with that and has promised more targeted support on the first two. So I'm feeling positive on that and also we're finally beginning therapy for him (I still need to sort some out for me but that's next month's task). It's the calm before the storm as I work in higher ed and our school year doesn't begin for a couple more weeks - that will he hectic.

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I'm....busy as hell. My first novel is coming out(obligatory bookshop link: https://bookshop.org/p/books/failure-to-comply/20969806?ean=9781943888290), and I still have some tour things to do this fall. I'm also in the last year of my PhD program, and applying for academic jobs. I feel a weird mix of excited and also terrified/doomed, especially given the way the world/future looks right now.

It's really, really strange to be "progressing" in my life in a world so deeply genocidal, ecocidal, and fascist. I'm never entirely sure what kind of happiness/personal anxiety I'm "allowed" (as it were) to feel amid *gestures* all of this. Equally, I know that hope is what keeps us alive and fighting. So, yeah. September, death of the old, beginning of the new...there's a ton on my mind. Mostly, at the moment, how much I fucking HATE cover letters!!

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I hadn't heard of Naadam and now I covet everything they have in extended sizing. Signed up to catch future sales. September isn't unusually busy for me but I do start to feel the creep of the end of the year which isn't my favorite because of winter weather and holiday nonsense. What's giving me bandwidth right now is being senior enough in my work that I get to cheerlead the development of more junior colleagues who are hitting some big milestones lately. I remember how hard it was to feel anything but relief when I was in their position.

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My son started school almost a month ago and he has transitioned back fairly seamlessly. I, on the other hand, got covid on the way home from our trip to Seattle just before school started. (PSA to WEAR A MASK WHILE FLYING!!!!) I’ve had it before and fully recovered within 72 hours. This time it took me 3 weeks to recover from the respiratory symptoms. I’m still experiencing daily vertigo and it’s wearing me the fuck out. Thankful for my partner who can do most of the driving, grocery pick-ups, etc. I feel so bad that I can’t more fully participate in volunteering for the election right now.

I live in Texas, and everything just feels so hopeless on a state level here. Yes, we are turning purple, but not fast enough.

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My kids are all grown, but shootings know no age limits…. I am attending our local chapter of Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense on the 15th to do a postcard mailing to try to flip our state gov blue, so we can get some sanity in our concealed carry, no training or anything state. The women in the group are so great..I recommend finding a chapter, as it feels like there is something I could do as I wept for the newest victims of insane gun worship. On a lighter note, the 75 degree weather lifts my spirits.

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So far 7th grade is shaping up to be a huge improvement from 6th, though we are still dealing with a tween who feels everything at 11 and really wants an audience (she plays to the cheap seats). We also have a high school senior and I cannot wait to see where she’ll end up, college-wise. We know she wants to leave our coast for school because she knows she’ll probably want to come back here and wants to experience something else, but whether she ends up in Minnesota, Maine or Scotland is an open question!

Mainly I’m here to say that I was briefly excited to see the headline “Time to Say Goodbye to the BMI” but when I saw the proposal to replace it with a “roundness index” I got real mad. It’s not that I deny all suggestion that visceral fat has more negative correlations than other types. But individuals can’t do anything about that and we don’t have a sustainable, accessible, affordable way for folks to take off all-body weight, much less weight from a specific part. We may solve the “The Rock problem” as they say on Maintenance Phase but that doesn’t actually solve the real problem. Would love to hear your take, Virginia.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/06/health/body-roundness-index-bmi.html?unlocked_article_code=1.I04.JUSH.xq8Wj8CG1Gn0&smid=url-share

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