I'm just here to endorse universal standard jeans. I like bae & donna which are straight leg styles and seem to me to be made of a more substantial denim than their skinny jeans--which I prefer. But still stretchy! One pair I have has lasted almost three years (and still going) with no thigh blowout!
I love this. I bought like 12 pairs of jeans and returned 11 last summer, but I never wore the pair I kept. My big problem is that I cannot abide the high waists. It's first and foremost a sensory thing but also definitely an aesthetic thing that I realize is maybe 80% diet culture operating in my brain but it is very firmly embedded in there.
So the current dominance of high waisted jeans was the main driver of all my returns (I swear even the ones labeled mid rise seemed pretty damn high to me). I didn't even get past 30 seconds of horror and a big NOPE on most of them. But I definitely felt, with each and every pair, that the people making these HATED my body. And that's not something that typically been true through my life -- I'm in not-thin-but-not-fat territory as a general rule -- and I don't think it's mostly my pandemic weight gain driving that feeling with these jeans. Partly also, thinking about it, it's that jeans manufacturers spent years pulling us to stretchier and stretchier fabrics, and then suddenly this year most of the jeans I was getting barely had any stretch at all, and it felt punitive.
I’m really excited to come along for this ride! When I was growing up fat in a rural community there weren’t jeans that I could wear unless my mom would special order me some, which she did exactly once.
We did have the benefit of a seamstress who lived near us and did lots of alterations for my family because we’re all fairly short folks and my dad was too skinny for most “men’s pants,“ which should have normalized to me that stores didn’t cater to all bodies but sadly didn’t. Anyway, for that one pair of jeans, I asked the seamstress to make them into the flare style so popular in the early 2000s by insetting fleece fabric, which she did with great skepticism. But they were wonderful! It was amazing to have a pair of jeans that made me feel good and got the occasional compliment from my peers, which was good enough for me. (I wasn’t bullied so much in high school as just dismissed, because to be fat is to be invisible.) I wore them to absolute death in between the other options I had for bottoms, like a variety of sarongs that I wore as skirts, which I vividly remember wearing in *Northern Michigan in the winter* with nothing underneath and being so cold.
Discovering fat fashion communities online (like Fatshionista on LiveJournal) in college was, for obvious reasons, truly a revelation. Eventually, it led me to fat liberation, but for years it was about satisfying my deep sense of sartorial scarcity. I still struggle to not think I must buy every beautiful or trendy thing that fits my body because of years of those things not even being an option. This was much harder when I was briefly around a size 16/18 right out of college and could shop in! person! at stores like Anthropologie, J. Crew and H&M (this was years before they carried plus sizes, though I don’t think any actually carry them in stores now either). I’m finally settling, at age 37, for recognizing the ways that trying to buy the perfect outfit is usually my way of soothing anxiety or to make up for feeling invisible and dismissed. Clothes became a way that I signaled to the world that I was a “good fatty“: look at how well I’m dressed, how unique but tasteful my style is! Funnily enough for many years that meant that I didn’t wear jeans because I didn’t think they were special enough. These past few years of healing from internalized weight stigma means that all I really crave are the basic things that folks in smaller bodies seem to have a plethora of, and that includes jeans.
So I really relate to what you’re writing about, Virginia — the quest to find the best of a bad lot. The ”best” button-down shirt, the best pair of black pants, the best jean jacket, and definitely the best pair of jeans. I don’t think it has anything to do with consumerism or anxiety. It’s just the weariness of not being able to walk into a store and be validated that you have an acceptable, easy to accommodate body and a refusal to settle for the scraps anymore.
Whew, lots of feelings here, as ever! Looking forward to more. Especially because I recently ordered $700 worth of clothes, which included a LOT of jeans, and didn’t keep a single pair, so I really am looking forward to hearing about other options!
I have simply ceased wearing pants--I wear exclusively dresses. The fit is more forgiving and everybody always compliments me on how dressed up I am when I'm essentially wearing pajamas--a comfy dress on top with leggings underneath. I find dresses incredibly easy and I'm kinda seeing why they were the "default" clothing for women for centuries; I think it's obviously good that women are allowed to wear what they want, but as someone who's tried to sew clothes too, it is legitimately more difficult to tailor clothes for curves (A fun activity: find the Project Runway episodes where the challenge is to make an outfit for a "normal" woman and watch all the designers fall to pieces trying to figure out how to make clothes fit a model that isn't stick-straight). Skirts and dresses allow a lot more freedom for the fit to be off and still not ruin the fit/comfort.
Dec 14, 2021Liked by Corinne Fay, Virginia Sole-Smith
A tangent to the psychologically comfortable vs physically comfortable issue: I've been enjoying wearing overalls again, which I did a lot as a child and teen, and I think there is something primally soothing about having one's midsection and lower back so securely covered. I would read a research paper on this! Like, evolutionarily, does that feel so great and secure because that's where our guts are and it's soft and needs protecting? Overalls forever, thank you.
This is so fascinating to me because the style of jeans that are available now ACTUALLY FIT MY BODY for the first time.....maybe ever? The amazing @kamexplainsitall JUST posted about this on IG. That for the first time in her life she has multiple pairs of jeans that actually fit and look good! We both have small waists and large butts which is not how you are shaped. Skinny jeans were my WORST nightmare. NONE of them EVER fit me. I'm SO GLAD that trend is "over" (or that you can find non-skinny jeans now). I find it hard not to keep all the jeans because they actually effing fit for the first time! I will say that I did the patented Dacy day long, tags on, try on and found the jeans I'm wearing today. I originally thought that 20s were the right size for me, but they stretched out too much, then the 18s did, and I ended up buying the 16s. It's my third wearing of them since I last washed them and they are absolutely wonderful. No stretching, no pulling up, no baggy knees, no gap in the waist. They are too long but I like them too much to waist time getting them hemmed so I just roll them for now. Until the weather gets hot and I don't need jeans :). I agree though that the history and what jeans represent is very....troubling. I'm loving jean science <3
I am an apple-shaped small fat and almost 26 weeks pregnant right now. My size 16 high-waisted panel skinny Isabel and Ingrid maternity jeans from Target (size 16 is the largest they go in stores I think, which is a huge eyeroll--I'm normally a size 18-20) are the best fitting jeans I have EVER worn in my life. They actually have room for a stomach without having super baggy hips! They stay up! I can wear them repeated wears in a row! I have a feeling I'm going to be wearing them for a long time post-partum too.
I loved the gender-inclusive language here. I am just one person but it worked for me at least and I will be using the phrase "person who wears women's clothing" much more often now to describe myself.
I have only ever bought thrift store jeans so I don't think I've ever had a pair fit well in my life. My favorite pants are two pairs of velvet leggings from Hot Topic (bought several years ago so they are long since out of stock). They are nearly as comfy as leggings or sweatpants but they can be dressed for professional situations or Hot Topic-type situations in addition to just Existing In My House. They fit me looser like pants and get baggier as the day wears on, which is not ideal, but whatever they are lined with is smooth across my skin and the velvet is nice on the outside. I have a lot of sensory sensitivities and this is the year that I'm finally starting to prioritize those needs as I purchase clothes.
Reading about the distinction between psychologically and physically comfortable jeans just rang a bell in my head. It makes so much sense now that I imagine wearing jeans all the time and how easy it would be to get dressed and usually look appropriate! But- whew- the effort of getting pairs that fit, look reasonable with the shirts and sweaters and boots, etc- how on earth is that easy because wow it is NOT.
I really resonate with this article. I finally found jeans I love-Judy Blue! They are seriously comfortable and soft. I want to order more but they’re currently out of the bootcut that I want.
I love this so much. I have been every size from 4ish to 14/16 and have ALWAYS had a hard time finding jeans that fit me properly. I've never been an hourglass (I don't have wide hips and never have had a defined waist) but I do have a butt -- it's just in the back, which is apparently not where many jeans designers expect it to be? I also have a short waist, so all these "high rise" jeans come up to my bra. In the 90s, it seemed like jeans were too high (even the early "low rise" came up to or over my belly button), with a waist that was too small and a hip area that was way too big. I always wondered what kind of bizarre body type those jeans were designed for. Jessica Rabbit, maybe, but only if she's 2-dimensional.
Now I mostly have issues with the thigh part being too tight and the jeans being too high and not staying put.
Relatedly, I have an extremely strong aversion to advertising that talks about how GREAT a certain pair of jeans makes your butt look, and then the photo in the ad is someone who doesn't have a butt at all. Or the ones that say they're "flattering on everyone!"... but they definitely aren't flattering on me, and I know I'm not the only one.
My Midwest-based office loosened up its dress code and adopted a "Smart Dress" policy. The biggest change is we can wear jeans all week long, not just on Casual Fridays. I love jeans -- I grew up on a farm in the '80s/'90s and that's all I wore. But I can't find a pair that fits my post-baby, middle-age body comfortably. I have spent way too much money trying to find the perfect, "comfortable" pair for my return to the office. And like you said: It's like trying to find a unicorn. Meanwhile, the guys in the office wear what they've always worn -- hiking boots/black sneakers, company-logo vests, polos, dress shirts and khakis. But if I wore their same "uniform," I would look too casual or "man-nish" for the office.
Also, the Smart Dress policy specifically bans yoga pants (which, let's face it, is a policy aimed at women) or sweatpants in the office. And now, the company updated its Hybrid Work policy to state that we have to follow the "Smart Dress" policy when we work at home! So no sweatpants or yoga pants at home!
Two thoughts: did you try Sene? Because they've been popping up on my Facebook ads lately and I'm intriqued...
Also, as hard as it is to find larger sizes, it's nearly impossible to find larger sizes plus extra length. My inseam is 36, and I'm currently at a 16...I like AE jeans, but their Xlong length stops at 14, because you cannot be fat and also be tall, I guess?
I'm just here to endorse universal standard jeans. I like bae & donna which are straight leg styles and seem to me to be made of a more substantial denim than their skinny jeans--which I prefer. But still stretchy! One pair I have has lasted almost three years (and still going) with no thigh blowout!
I love this. I bought like 12 pairs of jeans and returned 11 last summer, but I never wore the pair I kept. My big problem is that I cannot abide the high waists. It's first and foremost a sensory thing but also definitely an aesthetic thing that I realize is maybe 80% diet culture operating in my brain but it is very firmly embedded in there.
So the current dominance of high waisted jeans was the main driver of all my returns (I swear even the ones labeled mid rise seemed pretty damn high to me). I didn't even get past 30 seconds of horror and a big NOPE on most of them. But I definitely felt, with each and every pair, that the people making these HATED my body. And that's not something that typically been true through my life -- I'm in not-thin-but-not-fat territory as a general rule -- and I don't think it's mostly my pandemic weight gain driving that feeling with these jeans. Partly also, thinking about it, it's that jeans manufacturers spent years pulling us to stretchier and stretchier fabrics, and then suddenly this year most of the jeans I was getting barely had any stretch at all, and it felt punitive.
I’m really excited to come along for this ride! When I was growing up fat in a rural community there weren’t jeans that I could wear unless my mom would special order me some, which she did exactly once.
We did have the benefit of a seamstress who lived near us and did lots of alterations for my family because we’re all fairly short folks and my dad was too skinny for most “men’s pants,“ which should have normalized to me that stores didn’t cater to all bodies but sadly didn’t. Anyway, for that one pair of jeans, I asked the seamstress to make them into the flare style so popular in the early 2000s by insetting fleece fabric, which she did with great skepticism. But they were wonderful! It was amazing to have a pair of jeans that made me feel good and got the occasional compliment from my peers, which was good enough for me. (I wasn’t bullied so much in high school as just dismissed, because to be fat is to be invisible.) I wore them to absolute death in between the other options I had for bottoms, like a variety of sarongs that I wore as skirts, which I vividly remember wearing in *Northern Michigan in the winter* with nothing underneath and being so cold.
Discovering fat fashion communities online (like Fatshionista on LiveJournal) in college was, for obvious reasons, truly a revelation. Eventually, it led me to fat liberation, but for years it was about satisfying my deep sense of sartorial scarcity. I still struggle to not think I must buy every beautiful or trendy thing that fits my body because of years of those things not even being an option. This was much harder when I was briefly around a size 16/18 right out of college and could shop in! person! at stores like Anthropologie, J. Crew and H&M (this was years before they carried plus sizes, though I don’t think any actually carry them in stores now either). I’m finally settling, at age 37, for recognizing the ways that trying to buy the perfect outfit is usually my way of soothing anxiety or to make up for feeling invisible and dismissed. Clothes became a way that I signaled to the world that I was a “good fatty“: look at how well I’m dressed, how unique but tasteful my style is! Funnily enough for many years that meant that I didn’t wear jeans because I didn’t think they were special enough. These past few years of healing from internalized weight stigma means that all I really crave are the basic things that folks in smaller bodies seem to have a plethora of, and that includes jeans.
So I really relate to what you’re writing about, Virginia — the quest to find the best of a bad lot. The ”best” button-down shirt, the best pair of black pants, the best jean jacket, and definitely the best pair of jeans. I don’t think it has anything to do with consumerism or anxiety. It’s just the weariness of not being able to walk into a store and be validated that you have an acceptable, easy to accommodate body and a refusal to settle for the scraps anymore.
Whew, lots of feelings here, as ever! Looking forward to more. Especially because I recently ordered $700 worth of clothes, which included a LOT of jeans, and didn’t keep a single pair, so I really am looking forward to hearing about other options!
I have simply ceased wearing pants--I wear exclusively dresses. The fit is more forgiving and everybody always compliments me on how dressed up I am when I'm essentially wearing pajamas--a comfy dress on top with leggings underneath. I find dresses incredibly easy and I'm kinda seeing why they were the "default" clothing for women for centuries; I think it's obviously good that women are allowed to wear what they want, but as someone who's tried to sew clothes too, it is legitimately more difficult to tailor clothes for curves (A fun activity: find the Project Runway episodes where the challenge is to make an outfit for a "normal" woman and watch all the designers fall to pieces trying to figure out how to make clothes fit a model that isn't stick-straight). Skirts and dresses allow a lot more freedom for the fit to be off and still not ruin the fit/comfort.
A tangent to the psychologically comfortable vs physically comfortable issue: I've been enjoying wearing overalls again, which I did a lot as a child and teen, and I think there is something primally soothing about having one's midsection and lower back so securely covered. I would read a research paper on this! Like, evolutionarily, does that feel so great and secure because that's where our guts are and it's soft and needs protecting? Overalls forever, thank you.
This is so fascinating to me because the style of jeans that are available now ACTUALLY FIT MY BODY for the first time.....maybe ever? The amazing @kamexplainsitall JUST posted about this on IG. That for the first time in her life she has multiple pairs of jeans that actually fit and look good! We both have small waists and large butts which is not how you are shaped. Skinny jeans were my WORST nightmare. NONE of them EVER fit me. I'm SO GLAD that trend is "over" (or that you can find non-skinny jeans now). I find it hard not to keep all the jeans because they actually effing fit for the first time! I will say that I did the patented Dacy day long, tags on, try on and found the jeans I'm wearing today. I originally thought that 20s were the right size for me, but they stretched out too much, then the 18s did, and I ended up buying the 16s. It's my third wearing of them since I last washed them and they are absolutely wonderful. No stretching, no pulling up, no baggy knees, no gap in the waist. They are too long but I like them too much to waist time getting them hemmed so I just roll them for now. Until the weather gets hot and I don't need jeans :). I agree though that the history and what jeans represent is very....troubling. I'm loving jean science <3
I am an apple-shaped small fat and almost 26 weeks pregnant right now. My size 16 high-waisted panel skinny Isabel and Ingrid maternity jeans from Target (size 16 is the largest they go in stores I think, which is a huge eyeroll--I'm normally a size 18-20) are the best fitting jeans I have EVER worn in my life. They actually have room for a stomach without having super baggy hips! They stay up! I can wear them repeated wears in a row! I have a feeling I'm going to be wearing them for a long time post-partum too.
I loved the gender-inclusive language here. I am just one person but it worked for me at least and I will be using the phrase "person who wears women's clothing" much more often now to describe myself.
I have only ever bought thrift store jeans so I don't think I've ever had a pair fit well in my life. My favorite pants are two pairs of velvet leggings from Hot Topic (bought several years ago so they are long since out of stock). They are nearly as comfy as leggings or sweatpants but they can be dressed for professional situations or Hot Topic-type situations in addition to just Existing In My House. They fit me looser like pants and get baggier as the day wears on, which is not ideal, but whatever they are lined with is smooth across my skin and the velvet is nice on the outside. I have a lot of sensory sensitivities and this is the year that I'm finally starting to prioritize those needs as I purchase clothes.
Reading about the distinction between psychologically and physically comfortable jeans just rang a bell in my head. It makes so much sense now that I imagine wearing jeans all the time and how easy it would be to get dressed and usually look appropriate! But- whew- the effort of getting pairs that fit, look reasonable with the shirts and sweaters and boots, etc- how on earth is that easy because wow it is NOT.
I really resonate with this article. I finally found jeans I love-Judy Blue! They are seriously comfortable and soft. I want to order more but they’re currently out of the bootcut that I want.
I love this so much. I have been every size from 4ish to 14/16 and have ALWAYS had a hard time finding jeans that fit me properly. I've never been an hourglass (I don't have wide hips and never have had a defined waist) but I do have a butt -- it's just in the back, which is apparently not where many jeans designers expect it to be? I also have a short waist, so all these "high rise" jeans come up to my bra. In the 90s, it seemed like jeans were too high (even the early "low rise" came up to or over my belly button), with a waist that was too small and a hip area that was way too big. I always wondered what kind of bizarre body type those jeans were designed for. Jessica Rabbit, maybe, but only if she's 2-dimensional.
Now I mostly have issues with the thigh part being too tight and the jeans being too high and not staying put.
Relatedly, I have an extremely strong aversion to advertising that talks about how GREAT a certain pair of jeans makes your butt look, and then the photo in the ad is someone who doesn't have a butt at all. Or the ones that say they're "flattering on everyone!"... but they definitely aren't flattering on me, and I know I'm not the only one.
My Midwest-based office loosened up its dress code and adopted a "Smart Dress" policy. The biggest change is we can wear jeans all week long, not just on Casual Fridays. I love jeans -- I grew up on a farm in the '80s/'90s and that's all I wore. But I can't find a pair that fits my post-baby, middle-age body comfortably. I have spent way too much money trying to find the perfect, "comfortable" pair for my return to the office. And like you said: It's like trying to find a unicorn. Meanwhile, the guys in the office wear what they've always worn -- hiking boots/black sneakers, company-logo vests, polos, dress shirts and khakis. But if I wore their same "uniform," I would look too casual or "man-nish" for the office.
Also, the Smart Dress policy specifically bans yoga pants (which, let's face it, is a policy aimed at women) or sweatpants in the office. And now, the company updated its Hybrid Work policy to state that we have to follow the "Smart Dress" policy when we work at home! So no sweatpants or yoga pants at home!
Two thoughts: did you try Sene? Because they've been popping up on my Facebook ads lately and I'm intriqued...
Also, as hard as it is to find larger sizes, it's nearly impossible to find larger sizes plus extra length. My inseam is 36, and I'm currently at a 16...I like AE jeans, but their Xlong length stops at 14, because you cannot be fat and also be tall, I guess?