I'm just here to endorse universal standard jeans. I like bae & donna which are straight leg styles and seem to me to be made of a more substantial denim than their skinny jeans--which I prefer. But still stretchy! One pair I have has lasted almost three years (and still going) with no thigh blowout!
Oh, I need to give Universal Standard another try! I want to love them, but I’ve tried a LOT of their clothes because I used to have a Gwynnie Bee clothing subscription and ended up buying a few pieces that I rented from there, and they all quickly wore out or just seemed to fit a bit odd.
Their jeans were the worst fit for me of all. I purchased them on sale two years ago and even discounted they were still quite expensive. I needed to go up three sizes from what I normally wear there — I know that’s meaningless, but it still annoys me that their size chart isn't consistent — but upon wearing it turns out the crotch was so low that I got chub rub, and the waist was both too tight to the point of horrible stomach pains but also too loose and saggy? How???
Okay, I know how — I have very wide hips in comparison to my waist but when I sit down I expand all sorts of ways, so to be fair to Universal Standard I am definitely a tough fit when it comes to jeans. I kept those jeans until just this month when I finally admitted they weren’t ever going to be ones I wanted to wear. I am going to try again sometime and try the straight leg style!
oh man, I am so curious about which style you tried! I'd say my experience has been almost the opposite. My jean size in US has been consistent over a number of years, even with not-insignificant weight changes and my US jean size is actually smaller than a lot of other brands. (shirts on the other hand, I size up a lot.) Anyways, I'd be curious to know what you tried and if you found other jeans you prefer.
I love this. I bought like 12 pairs of jeans and returned 11 last summer, but I never wore the pair I kept. My big problem is that I cannot abide the high waists. It's first and foremost a sensory thing but also definitely an aesthetic thing that I realize is maybe 80% diet culture operating in my brain but it is very firmly embedded in there.
So the current dominance of high waisted jeans was the main driver of all my returns (I swear even the ones labeled mid rise seemed pretty damn high to me). I didn't even get past 30 seconds of horror and a big NOPE on most of them. But I definitely felt, with each and every pair, that the people making these HATED my body. And that's not something that typically been true through my life -- I'm in not-thin-but-not-fat territory as a general rule -- and I don't think it's mostly my pandemic weight gain driving that feeling with these jeans. Partly also, thinking about it, it's that jeans manufacturers spent years pulling us to stretchier and stretchier fabrics, and then suddenly this year most of the jeans I was getting barely had any stretch at all, and it felt punitive.
I am so with you on the distaste for high rise jeans! It’s partly aesthetic, as I grew up in the 1970s and will always love the look of jeans below the bellybutton (not the ultra low rise of early 2000s, just about an inch or so below). But it’s also a matter of physical comfort; I am what the fashion industry calls ‘short waisted’ (I hate that term!). Due to scoliosis, my torso just isn’t very long and high rise jeans feel like they’re kissing my bra. When I find mid-rise jeans that fit me, I’m tempted to buy multiples and hoard out of fear they’ll stop making them. Lately the stores offer high, higher, and super high.…
I’m really excited to come along for this ride! When I was growing up fat in a rural community there weren’t jeans that I could wear unless my mom would special order me some, which she did exactly once.
We did have the benefit of a seamstress who lived near us and did lots of alterations for my family because we’re all fairly short folks and my dad was too skinny for most “men’s pants,“ which should have normalized to me that stores didn’t cater to all bodies but sadly didn’t. Anyway, for that one pair of jeans, I asked the seamstress to make them into the flare style so popular in the early 2000s by insetting fleece fabric, which she did with great skepticism. But they were wonderful! It was amazing to have a pair of jeans that made me feel good and got the occasional compliment from my peers, which was good enough for me. (I wasn’t bullied so much in high school as just dismissed, because to be fat is to be invisible.) I wore them to absolute death in between the other options I had for bottoms, like a variety of sarongs that I wore as skirts, which I vividly remember wearing in *Northern Michigan in the winter* with nothing underneath and being so cold.
Discovering fat fashion communities online (like Fatshionista on LiveJournal) in college was, for obvious reasons, truly a revelation. Eventually, it led me to fat liberation, but for years it was about satisfying my deep sense of sartorial scarcity. I still struggle to not think I must buy every beautiful or trendy thing that fits my body because of years of those things not even being an option. This was much harder when I was briefly around a size 16/18 right out of college and could shop in! person! at stores like Anthropologie, J. Crew and H&M (this was years before they carried plus sizes, though I don’t think any actually carry them in stores now either). I’m finally settling, at age 37, for recognizing the ways that trying to buy the perfect outfit is usually my way of soothing anxiety or to make up for feeling invisible and dismissed. Clothes became a way that I signaled to the world that I was a “good fatty“: look at how well I’m dressed, how unique but tasteful my style is! Funnily enough for many years that meant that I didn’t wear jeans because I didn’t think they were special enough. These past few years of healing from internalized weight stigma means that all I really crave are the basic things that folks in smaller bodies seem to have a plethora of, and that includes jeans.
So I really relate to what you’re writing about, Virginia — the quest to find the best of a bad lot. The ”best” button-down shirt, the best pair of black pants, the best jean jacket, and definitely the best pair of jeans. I don’t think it has anything to do with consumerism or anxiety. It’s just the weariness of not being able to walk into a store and be validated that you have an acceptable, easy to accommodate body and a refusal to settle for the scraps anymore.
Whew, lots of feelings here, as ever! Looking forward to more. Especially because I recently ordered $700 worth of clothes, which included a LOT of jeans, and didn’t keep a single pair, so I really am looking forward to hearing about other options!
“I’m finally settling, at age 37, for recognizing the ways that trying to buy the perfect outfit is usually my way of soothing anxiety or to make up for feeling invisible and dismissed.”
I have simply ceased wearing pants--I wear exclusively dresses. The fit is more forgiving and everybody always compliments me on how dressed up I am when I'm essentially wearing pajamas--a comfy dress on top with leggings underneath. I find dresses incredibly easy and I'm kinda seeing why they were the "default" clothing for women for centuries; I think it's obviously good that women are allowed to wear what they want, but as someone who's tried to sew clothes too, it is legitimately more difficult to tailor clothes for curves (A fun activity: find the Project Runway episodes where the challenge is to make an outfit for a "normal" woman and watch all the designers fall to pieces trying to figure out how to make clothes fit a model that isn't stick-straight). Skirts and dresses allow a lot more freedom for the fit to be off and still not ruin the fit/comfort.
what kind of dresses do you wear- what material, and what length? This is a look I see on other people and I love it. I haven't found anything to make me feel like I could carry it off, myself. I used to wear dresses and skirts all the time but that seems like another person ago.
Sorry, super late reply (I turned off email notifications for comment replies).
Basically everything I get is from Torrid because Torrid fits me like a glove. I have an "exaggerated hourglass" figure, let's call it--smaller on top but large boobs, very large butt and thighs (Sizing is a mess, but I'd generally wear a 18-22 top and a 26 bottom). I'm not sure how to fit apple-shaped people for dresses; my partner is skinny legs with larger stomach and very large breasts and I haven't been able to find a fit that she likes.
A-Line and skater dresses work very well for me, anything with a flared skirt. Scuba dresses are my new favorite thing because they don't cling and they hold their shape very well, but any thicker materials seems to work just as well as any other, as long as they aren't stretch fabric--that stretch knit you find in JcPenny's dresses (a) clings really badly and (b) wears out and starts pilling very fast. I don't love the challis dresses Torrid keeps putting out, but they are very cool in summer so I put up with it.
Oh! It's so nice of you to reply. I just started trying to look around at it all and see what might work for me. (also short waisted, so lots of stuff can really take me back to my long ago pregnancy years). Just your comment was inspirational and reminded me that there are other "uniforms" out there rather than not so easy jeans. Thanks!
Dec 14, 2021Liked by Corinne Fay, Virginia Sole-Smith
A tangent to the psychologically comfortable vs physically comfortable issue: I've been enjoying wearing overalls again, which I did a lot as a child and teen, and I think there is something primally soothing about having one's midsection and lower back so securely covered. I would read a research paper on this! Like, evolutionarily, does that feel so great and secure because that's where our guts are and it's soft and needs protecting? Overalls forever, thank you.
This is so fascinating to me because the style of jeans that are available now ACTUALLY FIT MY BODY for the first time.....maybe ever? The amazing @kamexplainsitall JUST posted about this on IG. That for the first time in her life she has multiple pairs of jeans that actually fit and look good! We both have small waists and large butts which is not how you are shaped. Skinny jeans were my WORST nightmare. NONE of them EVER fit me. I'm SO GLAD that trend is "over" (or that you can find non-skinny jeans now). I find it hard not to keep all the jeans because they actually effing fit for the first time! I will say that I did the patented Dacy day long, tags on, try on and found the jeans I'm wearing today. I originally thought that 20s were the right size for me, but they stretched out too much, then the 18s did, and I ended up buying the 16s. It's my third wearing of them since I last washed them and they are absolutely wonderful. No stretching, no pulling up, no baggy knees, no gap in the waist. They are too long but I like them too much to waist time getting them hemmed so I just roll them for now. Until the weather gets hot and I don't need jeans :). I agree though that the history and what jeans represent is very....troubling. I'm loving jean science <3
Interestingly, they are considered "slim leg" in the description but "skinny jeans" in the web address. I can confirm that they DO NOT look like "skinny jeans" but are more fitted.
The other jeans that fit me really well are Lane Bryant "Girlfriend Jeans".
I am an apple-shaped small fat and almost 26 weeks pregnant right now. My size 16 high-waisted panel skinny Isabel and Ingrid maternity jeans from Target (size 16 is the largest they go in stores I think, which is a huge eyeroll--I'm normally a size 18-20) are the best fitting jeans I have EVER worn in my life. They actually have room for a stomach without having super baggy hips! They stay up! I can wear them repeated wears in a row! I have a feeling I'm going to be wearing them for a long time post-partum too.
I LOVED my maternity jeans both times. And then they didn't fit quite right afterwards... and I am honestly not sure how much that was true and how much that was my postpartum body noise being so loud. But they really are the only jeans that stay up!
I feel like this pregnancy (my first) is the only time I've really felt comfortable in my body, despite some of the foreign changes that are happening - I finally feel like I have "permission" from society to be rounder? If that makes sense? I have always been so self-conscious of my midsection and now it's like, well, it's "supposed" to look that way! It's a very strange feeling.
I loved the gender-inclusive language here. I am just one person but it worked for me at least and I will be using the phrase "person who wears women's clothing" much more often now to describe myself.
I have only ever bought thrift store jeans so I don't think I've ever had a pair fit well in my life. My favorite pants are two pairs of velvet leggings from Hot Topic (bought several years ago so they are long since out of stock). They are nearly as comfy as leggings or sweatpants but they can be dressed for professional situations or Hot Topic-type situations in addition to just Existing In My House. They fit me looser like pants and get baggier as the day wears on, which is not ideal, but whatever they are lined with is smooth across my skin and the velvet is nice on the outside. I have a lot of sensory sensitivities and this is the year that I'm finally starting to prioritize those needs as I purchase clothes.
Reading about the distinction between psychologically and physically comfortable jeans just rang a bell in my head. It makes so much sense now that I imagine wearing jeans all the time and how easy it would be to get dressed and usually look appropriate! But- whew- the effort of getting pairs that fit, look reasonable with the shirts and sweaters and boots, etc- how on earth is that easy because wow it is NOT.
I really resonate with this article. I finally found jeans I love-Judy Blue! They are seriously comfortable and soft. I want to order more but they’re currently out of the bootcut that I want.
I love this so much. I have been every size from 4ish to 14/16 and have ALWAYS had a hard time finding jeans that fit me properly. I've never been an hourglass (I don't have wide hips and never have had a defined waist) but I do have a butt -- it's just in the back, which is apparently not where many jeans designers expect it to be? I also have a short waist, so all these "high rise" jeans come up to my bra. In the 90s, it seemed like jeans were too high (even the early "low rise" came up to or over my belly button), with a waist that was too small and a hip area that was way too big. I always wondered what kind of bizarre body type those jeans were designed for. Jessica Rabbit, maybe, but only if she's 2-dimensional.
Now I mostly have issues with the thigh part being too tight and the jeans being too high and not staying put.
Relatedly, I have an extremely strong aversion to advertising that talks about how GREAT a certain pair of jeans makes your butt look, and then the photo in the ad is someone who doesn't have a butt at all. Or the ones that say they're "flattering on everyone!"... but they definitely aren't flattering on me, and I know I'm not the only one.
My Midwest-based office loosened up its dress code and adopted a "Smart Dress" policy. The biggest change is we can wear jeans all week long, not just on Casual Fridays. I love jeans -- I grew up on a farm in the '80s/'90s and that's all I wore. But I can't find a pair that fits my post-baby, middle-age body comfortably. I have spent way too much money trying to find the perfect, "comfortable" pair for my return to the office. And like you said: It's like trying to find a unicorn. Meanwhile, the guys in the office wear what they've always worn -- hiking boots/black sneakers, company-logo vests, polos, dress shirts and khakis. But if I wore their same "uniform," I would look too casual or "man-nish" for the office.
Also, the Smart Dress policy specifically bans yoga pants (which, let's face it, is a policy aimed at women) or sweatpants in the office. And now, the company updated its Hybrid Work policy to state that we have to follow the "Smart Dress" policy when we work at home! So no sweatpants or yoga pants at home!
But how can they even TELL if you're wearing sweats or yoga pants at home?! That is so gross and punitive and yes, 100% just a way to police women's bodies. Ugh, ugh, ugh.
Two thoughts: did you try Sene? Because they've been popping up on my Facebook ads lately and I'm intriqued...
Also, as hard as it is to find larger sizes, it's nearly impossible to find larger sizes plus extra length. My inseam is 36, and I'm currently at a 16...I like AE jeans, but their Xlong length stops at 14, because you cannot be fat and also be tall, I guess?
I'm just here to endorse universal standard jeans. I like bae & donna which are straight leg styles and seem to me to be made of a more substantial denim than their skinny jeans--which I prefer. But still stretchy! One pair I have has lasted almost three years (and still going) with no thigh blowout!
Not to post spoilers, but we're gonna come back to Universal Standard in a big way at the end of this story...
The suspense! I can't wait.
Oh, I need to give Universal Standard another try! I want to love them, but I’ve tried a LOT of their clothes because I used to have a Gwynnie Bee clothing subscription and ended up buying a few pieces that I rented from there, and they all quickly wore out or just seemed to fit a bit odd.
Their jeans were the worst fit for me of all. I purchased them on sale two years ago and even discounted they were still quite expensive. I needed to go up three sizes from what I normally wear there — I know that’s meaningless, but it still annoys me that their size chart isn't consistent — but upon wearing it turns out the crotch was so low that I got chub rub, and the waist was both too tight to the point of horrible stomach pains but also too loose and saggy? How???
Okay, I know how — I have very wide hips in comparison to my waist but when I sit down I expand all sorts of ways, so to be fair to Universal Standard I am definitely a tough fit when it comes to jeans. I kept those jeans until just this month when I finally admitted they weren’t ever going to be ones I wanted to wear. I am going to try again sometime and try the straight leg style!
oh man, I am so curious about which style you tried! I'd say my experience has been almost the opposite. My jean size in US has been consistent over a number of years, even with not-insignificant weight changes and my US jean size is actually smaller than a lot of other brands. (shirts on the other hand, I size up a lot.) Anyways, I'd be curious to know what you tried and if you found other jeans you prefer.
The current jeans that I love are Universal Standard :)
I love this. I bought like 12 pairs of jeans and returned 11 last summer, but I never wore the pair I kept. My big problem is that I cannot abide the high waists. It's first and foremost a sensory thing but also definitely an aesthetic thing that I realize is maybe 80% diet culture operating in my brain but it is very firmly embedded in there.
So the current dominance of high waisted jeans was the main driver of all my returns (I swear even the ones labeled mid rise seemed pretty damn high to me). I didn't even get past 30 seconds of horror and a big NOPE on most of them. But I definitely felt, with each and every pair, that the people making these HATED my body. And that's not something that typically been true through my life -- I'm in not-thin-but-not-fat territory as a general rule -- and I don't think it's mostly my pandemic weight gain driving that feeling with these jeans. Partly also, thinking about it, it's that jeans manufacturers spent years pulling us to stretchier and stretchier fabrics, and then suddenly this year most of the jeans I was getting barely had any stretch at all, and it felt punitive.
We're going to talk EXTENSIVELY about the debate around stretch vs no stretch denim in part 2.
I'm so glad. I resisted stretch for years and then right after I embraced it, they snatched it away.
I am so with you on the distaste for high rise jeans! It’s partly aesthetic, as I grew up in the 1970s and will always love the look of jeans below the bellybutton (not the ultra low rise of early 2000s, just about an inch or so below). But it’s also a matter of physical comfort; I am what the fashion industry calls ‘short waisted’ (I hate that term!). Due to scoliosis, my torso just isn’t very long and high rise jeans feel like they’re kissing my bra. When I find mid-rise jeans that fit me, I’m tempted to buy multiples and hoard out of fear they’ll stop making them. Lately the stores offer high, higher, and super high.…
I’m really excited to come along for this ride! When I was growing up fat in a rural community there weren’t jeans that I could wear unless my mom would special order me some, which she did exactly once.
We did have the benefit of a seamstress who lived near us and did lots of alterations for my family because we’re all fairly short folks and my dad was too skinny for most “men’s pants,“ which should have normalized to me that stores didn’t cater to all bodies but sadly didn’t. Anyway, for that one pair of jeans, I asked the seamstress to make them into the flare style so popular in the early 2000s by insetting fleece fabric, which she did with great skepticism. But they were wonderful! It was amazing to have a pair of jeans that made me feel good and got the occasional compliment from my peers, which was good enough for me. (I wasn’t bullied so much in high school as just dismissed, because to be fat is to be invisible.) I wore them to absolute death in between the other options I had for bottoms, like a variety of sarongs that I wore as skirts, which I vividly remember wearing in *Northern Michigan in the winter* with nothing underneath and being so cold.
Discovering fat fashion communities online (like Fatshionista on LiveJournal) in college was, for obvious reasons, truly a revelation. Eventually, it led me to fat liberation, but for years it was about satisfying my deep sense of sartorial scarcity. I still struggle to not think I must buy every beautiful or trendy thing that fits my body because of years of those things not even being an option. This was much harder when I was briefly around a size 16/18 right out of college and could shop in! person! at stores like Anthropologie, J. Crew and H&M (this was years before they carried plus sizes, though I don’t think any actually carry them in stores now either). I’m finally settling, at age 37, for recognizing the ways that trying to buy the perfect outfit is usually my way of soothing anxiety or to make up for feeling invisible and dismissed. Clothes became a way that I signaled to the world that I was a “good fatty“: look at how well I’m dressed, how unique but tasteful my style is! Funnily enough for many years that meant that I didn’t wear jeans because I didn’t think they were special enough. These past few years of healing from internalized weight stigma means that all I really crave are the basic things that folks in smaller bodies seem to have a plethora of, and that includes jeans.
So I really relate to what you’re writing about, Virginia — the quest to find the best of a bad lot. The ”best” button-down shirt, the best pair of black pants, the best jean jacket, and definitely the best pair of jeans. I don’t think it has anything to do with consumerism or anxiety. It’s just the weariness of not being able to walk into a store and be validated that you have an acceptable, easy to accommodate body and a refusal to settle for the scraps anymore.
Whew, lots of feelings here, as ever! Looking forward to more. Especially because I recently ordered $700 worth of clothes, which included a LOT of jeans, and didn’t keep a single pair, so I really am looking forward to hearing about other options!
Alll of this but especially this:
“I’m finally settling, at age 37, for recognizing the ways that trying to buy the perfect outfit is usually my way of soothing anxiety or to make up for feeling invisible and dismissed.”
Holy shit, yes.
I have simply ceased wearing pants--I wear exclusively dresses. The fit is more forgiving and everybody always compliments me on how dressed up I am when I'm essentially wearing pajamas--a comfy dress on top with leggings underneath. I find dresses incredibly easy and I'm kinda seeing why they were the "default" clothing for women for centuries; I think it's obviously good that women are allowed to wear what they want, but as someone who's tried to sew clothes too, it is legitimately more difficult to tailor clothes for curves (A fun activity: find the Project Runway episodes where the challenge is to make an outfit for a "normal" woman and watch all the designers fall to pieces trying to figure out how to make clothes fit a model that isn't stick-straight). Skirts and dresses allow a lot more freedom for the fit to be off and still not ruin the fit/comfort.
I’ve seen those episodes. The designers really don’t know how to handle it!
what kind of dresses do you wear- what material, and what length? This is a look I see on other people and I love it. I haven't found anything to make me feel like I could carry it off, myself. I used to wear dresses and skirts all the time but that seems like another person ago.
Sorry, super late reply (I turned off email notifications for comment replies).
Basically everything I get is from Torrid because Torrid fits me like a glove. I have an "exaggerated hourglass" figure, let's call it--smaller on top but large boobs, very large butt and thighs (Sizing is a mess, but I'd generally wear a 18-22 top and a 26 bottom). I'm not sure how to fit apple-shaped people for dresses; my partner is skinny legs with larger stomach and very large breasts and I haven't been able to find a fit that she likes.
A-Line and skater dresses work very well for me, anything with a flared skirt. Scuba dresses are my new favorite thing because they don't cling and they hold their shape very well, but any thicker materials seems to work just as well as any other, as long as they aren't stretch fabric--that stretch knit you find in JcPenny's dresses (a) clings really badly and (b) wears out and starts pilling very fast. I don't love the challis dresses Torrid keeps putting out, but they are very cool in summer so I put up with it.
Oh! It's so nice of you to reply. I just started trying to look around at it all and see what might work for me. (also short waisted, so lots of stuff can really take me back to my long ago pregnancy years). Just your comment was inspirational and reminded me that there are other "uniforms" out there rather than not so easy jeans. Thanks!
A tangent to the psychologically comfortable vs physically comfortable issue: I've been enjoying wearing overalls again, which I did a lot as a child and teen, and I think there is something primally soothing about having one's midsection and lower back so securely covered. I would read a research paper on this! Like, evolutionarily, does that feel so great and secure because that's where our guts are and it's soft and needs protecting? Overalls forever, thank you.
I love overalls! Also jumpsuits for this reason. And that’s so interesting about the evolution angle.
For what it's worth, I hate many many kinds of contact on my midsection and find it the absolute opposite of primally soothing.
There is also this.
I too adore overalls.
This is so fascinating to me because the style of jeans that are available now ACTUALLY FIT MY BODY for the first time.....maybe ever? The amazing @kamexplainsitall JUST posted about this on IG. That for the first time in her life she has multiple pairs of jeans that actually fit and look good! We both have small waists and large butts which is not how you are shaped. Skinny jeans were my WORST nightmare. NONE of them EVER fit me. I'm SO GLAD that trend is "over" (or that you can find non-skinny jeans now). I find it hard not to keep all the jeans because they actually effing fit for the first time! I will say that I did the patented Dacy day long, tags on, try on and found the jeans I'm wearing today. I originally thought that 20s were the right size for me, but they stretched out too much, then the 18s did, and I ended up buying the 16s. It's my third wearing of them since I last washed them and they are absolutely wonderful. No stretching, no pulling up, no baggy knees, no gap in the waist. They are too long but I like them too much to waist time getting them hemmed so I just roll them for now. Until the weather gets hot and I don't need jeans :). I agree though that the history and what jeans represent is very....troubling. I'm loving jean science <3
I’m so glad you found these!!
*waste time NOT "waist time" lol
LOL
Which brand worked for you?
https://www.universalstandard.com/products/joni-high-rise-curve-skinny-jeans-27-inch-midnight-blue
Interestingly, they are considered "slim leg" in the description but "skinny jeans" in the web address. I can confirm that they DO NOT look like "skinny jeans" but are more fitted.
The other jeans that fit me really well are Lane Bryant "Girlfriend Jeans".
Those look perfect
If you search Joni High Rise on the Universal Standard site, they are still available. The link isn’t working.
I am an apple-shaped small fat and almost 26 weeks pregnant right now. My size 16 high-waisted panel skinny Isabel and Ingrid maternity jeans from Target (size 16 is the largest they go in stores I think, which is a huge eyeroll--I'm normally a size 18-20) are the best fitting jeans I have EVER worn in my life. They actually have room for a stomach without having super baggy hips! They stay up! I can wear them repeated wears in a row! I have a feeling I'm going to be wearing them for a long time post-partum too.
I LOVED my maternity jeans both times. And then they didn't fit quite right afterwards... and I am honestly not sure how much that was true and how much that was my postpartum body noise being so loud. But they really are the only jeans that stay up!
I feel like this pregnancy (my first) is the only time I've really felt comfortable in my body, despite some of the foreign changes that are happening - I finally feel like I have "permission" from society to be rounder? If that makes sense? I have always been so self-conscious of my midsection and now it's like, well, it's "supposed" to look that way! It's a very strange feeling.
I loved the gender-inclusive language here. I am just one person but it worked for me at least and I will be using the phrase "person who wears women's clothing" much more often now to describe myself.
I have only ever bought thrift store jeans so I don't think I've ever had a pair fit well in my life. My favorite pants are two pairs of velvet leggings from Hot Topic (bought several years ago so they are long since out of stock). They are nearly as comfy as leggings or sweatpants but they can be dressed for professional situations or Hot Topic-type situations in addition to just Existing In My House. They fit me looser like pants and get baggier as the day wears on, which is not ideal, but whatever they are lined with is smooth across my skin and the velvet is nice on the outside. I have a lot of sensory sensitivities and this is the year that I'm finally starting to prioritize those needs as I purchase clothes.
Love the idea of dressing for our sensory needs. Thanks for sharing!
Reading about the distinction between psychologically and physically comfortable jeans just rang a bell in my head. It makes so much sense now that I imagine wearing jeans all the time and how easy it would be to get dressed and usually look appropriate! But- whew- the effort of getting pairs that fit, look reasonable with the shirts and sweaters and boots, etc- how on earth is that easy because wow it is NOT.
Yes! That connected some key dots for me too.
I really resonate with this article. I finally found jeans I love-Judy Blue! They are seriously comfortable and soft. I want to order more but they’re currently out of the bootcut that I want.
I love this so much. I have been every size from 4ish to 14/16 and have ALWAYS had a hard time finding jeans that fit me properly. I've never been an hourglass (I don't have wide hips and never have had a defined waist) but I do have a butt -- it's just in the back, which is apparently not where many jeans designers expect it to be? I also have a short waist, so all these "high rise" jeans come up to my bra. In the 90s, it seemed like jeans were too high (even the early "low rise" came up to or over my belly button), with a waist that was too small and a hip area that was way too big. I always wondered what kind of bizarre body type those jeans were designed for. Jessica Rabbit, maybe, but only if she's 2-dimensional.
Now I mostly have issues with the thigh part being too tight and the jeans being too high and not staying put.
Relatedly, I have an extremely strong aversion to advertising that talks about how GREAT a certain pair of jeans makes your butt look, and then the photo in the ad is someone who doesn't have a butt at all. Or the ones that say they're "flattering on everyone!"... but they definitely aren't flattering on me, and I know I'm not the only one.
My Midwest-based office loosened up its dress code and adopted a "Smart Dress" policy. The biggest change is we can wear jeans all week long, not just on Casual Fridays. I love jeans -- I grew up on a farm in the '80s/'90s and that's all I wore. But I can't find a pair that fits my post-baby, middle-age body comfortably. I have spent way too much money trying to find the perfect, "comfortable" pair for my return to the office. And like you said: It's like trying to find a unicorn. Meanwhile, the guys in the office wear what they've always worn -- hiking boots/black sneakers, company-logo vests, polos, dress shirts and khakis. But if I wore their same "uniform," I would look too casual or "man-nish" for the office.
Also, the Smart Dress policy specifically bans yoga pants (which, let's face it, is a policy aimed at women) or sweatpants in the office. And now, the company updated its Hybrid Work policy to state that we have to follow the "Smart Dress" policy when we work at home! So no sweatpants or yoga pants at home!
But how can they even TELL if you're wearing sweats or yoga pants at home?! That is so gross and punitive and yes, 100% just a way to police women's bodies. Ugh, ugh, ugh.
Two thoughts: did you try Sene? Because they've been popping up on my Facebook ads lately and I'm intriqued...
Also, as hard as it is to find larger sizes, it's nearly impossible to find larger sizes plus extra length. My inseam is 36, and I'm currently at a 16...I like AE jeans, but their Xlong length stops at 14, because you cannot be fat and also be tall, I guess?