"It’s disconcerting—and definitely making me confront my ableism—to realize more is not an option right now."
I'm wondering if you, Virginia, or any other readers here could share resources on ableism/disability advocacy resources. I've had a similar epiphany as I've recovered from surgery that left me temporarily unable to do physically much at all. I realized how much of my self-worth is tied up in notions of productivity (both at work and around the house), and despite fervent anti-capitalism I've never understood this about myself before.
I've casually read essays by people with disabilities, especially during Covid. When I read people advocating for infrastructure supporting people regardless of their ability to work, I think, "yes!" But now that I'm (temporarily) a person unable to work like normal I've come to realize how internalized both my notions around productivity = good / non-productivity = bad is, and my internalized ableism, I feel I need to learn more from people with disabilities who write about this topic.
(I also recently quit Twitter, which has been great for my mental health but unfortunately means I don't have a quick and easy way of asking for resources.) When I read the quote pasted above I was like, damn, yes, me too.
I know we're supposed to comment on Covid here, but what I really want everyone to know is that there is this excellent, funny podcast called Witch, Please by two Canadian scholars who analyze every book and movie in the Harry Potter series. They began their project well before J.K. Rowling started the exuberant transphobia showcase, but I think their critical work makes it easier to work through loving imperfect texts written by someone with whom you may not agree. They even made episodes about the extraneous stuff, like people who play quidditch for fun in real life, and the Harry Potter lego game.
I appreciate all this info and the level of complexity you’re able to express in your writing. And it makes me sad you were so worried about work! I know, capitalism, but for what it’s worth from this one reader, I just appreciate getting to read your work on whatever schedule it arrives. I hope you all feel better soon.
Thanks for this. Something I have railed about repeatedly is that all the covid scolds -- the Leonhardts and Silvers and Osters -- who say we shouldn't be careful because it's not serious in kids yada yada are missing that even if you don't get super sick, it's an enormous disruption to have your kids home for however many days it ends up being! The people who think we can just will our way back to the before times make me so, so angry.
Honestly, we have leaned all the way into screens for the whole pandemic. All the way. My kid is an intensely social screen-user -- he definitely wants an adult responding to whatever is going on in his game/on his show, wants to show us what he's doing, talk through his theories about what comes next. The first thing he does when a grandmother comes on the scene is sit her down and show her what he's been playing. So it's for sure not depriving him of interaction. The funny thing is, for this coming snowy weekend he has a very long list of non-screen activities he wants to do (indoor paper "snowball" fight, dance party, making paper snowflakes, making cornbread, it goes on).
Thanks for sharing your Covid story here. Such good reminders of how hard and disruptive “mild” illness can be, how fortunate we are to have vaccines, and how various forms of privilege affect the experience. Glad you and your family are on the mend.
I appreciate the comparison between screens and sugar. That theory has been bouncing around in my head for a while as I’ve leaned hard into pandemic-survival-via-screens. I really try to avoid any negative or judgmental comments about my kid’s screen usage and instead ask check-in questions like, “How’s your body feeling? Do you feel hungry/thirsty or like you need to stretch or do some jumps?” And I’ve discovered there is a self-imposed limit at which he’ll get hungry or bored and just turn it off and move on.
Jan 28, 2022·edited Jan 28, 2022Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith
First time commenting but my family experienced covid on almost the exact same timeline. I woke up on MLK day with a sore throat but it was two days later before the faintest positive on a home test. I made it back to work for the first time yesterday — it was rough. Today was better but I do feel pretty wiped out. 10 year old (who was probably the source) did have symptoms (low fever and cough) but bounced back very quickly and really had the time of his life with unlimited screen time over the course of our isolation period. (Oh and fwiw I’m boosted and kid is fully vaccinated too)
This was FASCINATING. Thank you so much for sharing! Also I misread your description of your husband as “ridiculously physically ATTRACTIVE” and was like dang we need a picture of this Greek god (you know, for science)😁
Thank you for sharing all this. I am so glad that you're all on the upswing. Over the holidays, where I was Covid police, telling most of my 12 extended family members that NO, you cannot do X, Y, Z, and repeatedly attacking them with the rapid tests we had started stockpiling in October, I realized that my mind had shifted. From worrying acutely about health to just the nightmare our lives would become with 2 weeks of not working, the ripple effect, the crushing guilt and anxiety about underperforming. So YES to all of the above about asking too much of people. And also yes to letting the screen time anxiety go because that makes them want it even more...
Also, we're a Marmite toast family ourselves (my hubs is English; it was even our cat's favorite food)! Marmite is very, very important.
Re: Harry Potter. We started reading it to our 5-year old (I was one of those grown ups who got a copy at midnight back in the early aughts and read them all in a day!). We'd read/do the audiobooks-in-car. Then we watched ALL 8 movies with my extended family in NY after Christmas. It was an achievement. And brought up a lot of JK conversations alongside. My favorite was the 14-year-old: "Oh yeah, we (the youths) cancelled her. I don't know why, I just read something on Twitter." AND yet she still loves the books so much she couldn't bring herself to pass her book set on to us. Looking forward to your take on it, but yes, sad it can't just be a book series any more.
Thanks for this essay. I’m dreading my husband getting even a “mild” case. BTW I’m commenting so late because substack had me locked out first thing this morning, saying I needed to be a subscriber to comment. Obviously this has been fixed but I’m mentioned it just in case you didn’t know 😊
Being a hero must run in your family. Also, spraining your ankle on your own icy driveway is the worst. I once took a comical, feet-up-in-the-air, bag-of-groceries-scattered fall on my neighbors sidewalk but then I at least had someone else to blame. ;)
Oh Virginia, so much empathy!! We started Jan with norovirus, then my 4yo preschooler got Covid at school too. We really lucked out in that the rest of us didn’t get it, but we leaned ALL THE WAY in to screens too (I was solo at home due to husband’s medical stuff). I hope you and your “carved from marble” 😂 husband feel better soon!
"It’s disconcerting—and definitely making me confront my ableism—to realize more is not an option right now."
I'm wondering if you, Virginia, or any other readers here could share resources on ableism/disability advocacy resources. I've had a similar epiphany as I've recovered from surgery that left me temporarily unable to do physically much at all. I realized how much of my self-worth is tied up in notions of productivity (both at work and around the house), and despite fervent anti-capitalism I've never understood this about myself before.
I've casually read essays by people with disabilities, especially during Covid. When I read people advocating for infrastructure supporting people regardless of their ability to work, I think, "yes!" But now that I'm (temporarily) a person unable to work like normal I've come to realize how internalized both my notions around productivity = good / non-productivity = bad is, and my internalized ableism, I feel I need to learn more from people with disabilities who write about this topic.
(I also recently quit Twitter, which has been great for my mental health but unfortunately means I don't have a quick and easy way of asking for resources.) When I read the quote pasted above I was like, damn, yes, me too.
I know we're supposed to comment on Covid here, but what I really want everyone to know is that there is this excellent, funny podcast called Witch, Please by two Canadian scholars who analyze every book and movie in the Harry Potter series. They began their project well before J.K. Rowling started the exuberant transphobia showcase, but I think their critical work makes it easier to work through loving imperfect texts written by someone with whom you may not agree. They even made episodes about the extraneous stuff, like people who play quidditch for fun in real life, and the Harry Potter lego game.
I appreciate all this info and the level of complexity you’re able to express in your writing. And it makes me sad you were so worried about work! I know, capitalism, but for what it’s worth from this one reader, I just appreciate getting to read your work on whatever schedule it arrives. I hope you all feel better soon.
Thank you for sharing; also I FREAKIN LOVE that floral sweatshirt.
Thanks for this. Something I have railed about repeatedly is that all the covid scolds -- the Leonhardts and Silvers and Osters -- who say we shouldn't be careful because it's not serious in kids yada yada are missing that even if you don't get super sick, it's an enormous disruption to have your kids home for however many days it ends up being! The people who think we can just will our way back to the before times make me so, so angry.
Honestly, we have leaned all the way into screens for the whole pandemic. All the way. My kid is an intensely social screen-user -- he definitely wants an adult responding to whatever is going on in his game/on his show, wants to show us what he's doing, talk through his theories about what comes next. The first thing he does when a grandmother comes on the scene is sit her down and show her what he's been playing. So it's for sure not depriving him of interaction. The funny thing is, for this coming snowy weekend he has a very long list of non-screen activities he wants to do (indoor paper "snowball" fight, dance party, making paper snowflakes, making cornbread, it goes on).
Thanks for sharing your Covid story here. Such good reminders of how hard and disruptive “mild” illness can be, how fortunate we are to have vaccines, and how various forms of privilege affect the experience. Glad you and your family are on the mend.
I appreciate the comparison between screens and sugar. That theory has been bouncing around in my head for a while as I’ve leaned hard into pandemic-survival-via-screens. I really try to avoid any negative or judgmental comments about my kid’s screen usage and instead ask check-in questions like, “How’s your body feeling? Do you feel hungry/thirsty or like you need to stretch or do some jumps?” And I’ve discovered there is a self-imposed limit at which he’ll get hungry or bored and just turn it off and move on.
First time commenting but my family experienced covid on almost the exact same timeline. I woke up on MLK day with a sore throat but it was two days later before the faintest positive on a home test. I made it back to work for the first time yesterday — it was rough. Today was better but I do feel pretty wiped out. 10 year old (who was probably the source) did have symptoms (low fever and cough) but bounced back very quickly and really had the time of his life with unlimited screen time over the course of our isolation period. (Oh and fwiw I’m boosted and kid is fully vaccinated too)
This was FASCINATING. Thank you so much for sharing! Also I misread your description of your husband as “ridiculously physically ATTRACTIVE” and was like dang we need a picture of this Greek god (you know, for science)😁
Thank you for sharing all this. I am so glad that you're all on the upswing. Over the holidays, where I was Covid police, telling most of my 12 extended family members that NO, you cannot do X, Y, Z, and repeatedly attacking them with the rapid tests we had started stockpiling in October, I realized that my mind had shifted. From worrying acutely about health to just the nightmare our lives would become with 2 weeks of not working, the ripple effect, the crushing guilt and anxiety about underperforming. So YES to all of the above about asking too much of people. And also yes to letting the screen time anxiety go because that makes them want it even more...
Also, we're a Marmite toast family ourselves (my hubs is English; it was even our cat's favorite food)! Marmite is very, very important.
Re: Harry Potter. We started reading it to our 5-year old (I was one of those grown ups who got a copy at midnight back in the early aughts and read them all in a day!). We'd read/do the audiobooks-in-car. Then we watched ALL 8 movies with my extended family in NY after Christmas. It was an achievement. And brought up a lot of JK conversations alongside. My favorite was the 14-year-old: "Oh yeah, we (the youths) cancelled her. I don't know why, I just read something on Twitter." AND yet she still loves the books so much she couldn't bring herself to pass her book set on to us. Looking forward to your take on it, but yes, sad it can't just be a book series any more.
Thanks for this essay. I’m dreading my husband getting even a “mild” case. BTW I’m commenting so late because substack had me locked out first thing this morning, saying I needed to be a subscriber to comment. Obviously this has been fixed but I’m mentioned it just in case you didn’t know 😊
Your sharing your Omicron COVID experience is so valuable, thank you!!
Being a hero must run in your family. Also, spraining your ankle on your own icy driveway is the worst. I once took a comical, feet-up-in-the-air, bag-of-groceries-scattered fall on my neighbors sidewalk but then I at least had someone else to blame. ;)
Thank you for this, Virginia. It scares me and I find it helpful at the same time.
Thanks so much for this essay. I hope you all continue to improve.
Oh Virginia, so much empathy!! We started Jan with norovirus, then my 4yo preschooler got Covid at school too. We really lucked out in that the rest of us didn’t get it, but we leaned ALL THE WAY in to screens too (I was solo at home due to husband’s medical stuff). I hope you and your “carved from marble” 😂 husband feel better soon!
Get better soon!!