This episode couldn't have come at a better time for me. I'm in my late 40s, and I'm the only one in my various friend groups who hasn't done Botox. (The Katie Sturino thing was a gut-punch. Et tu, Katie?!?)
I do my best to withhold judgement (like, I get why you feel incredible pressure to do that) and at the same time, I feel judged--like what does it say about the well-earned lines on my face if you find those lines unacceptable on yourself? Similar to talking about dieting or hating your body size when you're with people larger than you. Like, "my worst fear is looking like you, and I'll torture myself to try to avoid it."
I get really angry about the way girls and women have been socialized to go through this faux bonding ritual of criticizing our appearance, complimenting our friends, comparing ourselves, rejecting their compliments, sharing diet and beauty "tips." Ugh. It's exhausting and boring and leaves us feeling less connected.
Thanks for introducing me to Jessica's writing--I'll be seeking it out now!
I loved this episode so much. I'm going to be 35 in December and ALL of the messaging I'm getting is like, TIME FOR EYE CREAM, better take care of your skin so you don't wrinkle and look older. I've always looked younger than my age (at least, younger than people think I'm supposed to look!) and I'm a grad student, so I'm in an environment where nobody expects me to be the age I am, and people are constantly congratulating me for looking the way I do at 35. I do literally nothing to make that happen, it's just my skin. I really appreciated what you and Jessica said about how aging and wrinkles are not health concerns. I'm at the point where I wear sunscreen and that's it. I have no skincare routine and every so often I'm like...I could really use a skincare routine, maybe? I enjoy makeup but for every day I'm down to a little concealer and eyebrow gel (because I also stopped doing much of anything about my brows and they are POWERFUL).
Anyway, thank you so much for this content! I feel very seen.
When my 30-something husband went to his last skin cancer screening, the dermatologist suggested--totally unprompted--a drug for hair loss. Certainly, there is a lot more pressure on women to appear “beautiful” and “ageless” AND it doesn’t stop there! Consumerism knows no bounds 🙃
Another great episode! Every person has skin - it’s not fancy (expensive) beauty creams & potions that make one person’s face “better” than another. The beauty industry is so full of tricks, false promises and lies; I’m glad Jessica and her newsletter are here to debunk the information! 💕
Skin care is just a perfect example of yet another aspect of beauty culture / diet culture / femininity that has always felt inaccessible / incomprehensible to me so I just ... haven't bothered much? As someone who's always been fat with wide feet, fashion (clothing and shoes) was never really available to me. Now that there are finally a lot more options, I'm old enough (51) that I've settled into a pretty comfortable personal style and understand that I'm just not one to follow fashion trends and that's totally cool! But it did hurt as a younger person to not even really be able to follow trends; I had to make do with what fit.
I tried, oh, I tried, with makeup for many years, but never quite got the hang of doing it myself, so it just became another part of performing womanhood that I let go (and let go 100% during the pandemic; pre-pandemic I'd put on a little powder, blush, and mascara if I was going to the office or out socially, but I just stopped altogether and don't really see myself going back).
And then skin care is wrapped up in all of that. I care for my skin to the extent that I put on anti-itch cream if I get hives or some other allergic / immune reaction, and I keep a close eye out for anything that could be cancerous, as that is definitely in my family history. I sometimes remember to put on moisturizer, but I use the same stuff on my face as everywhere else on my body. I wash my face with water, that's it. I remember one time telling a friend I used Lubriderm on my face and she was horrified, and I just shrugged because I didn't 1) know it was supposed to be "bad" and 2) wasn't having any issues with my skin, so why wouldn't I stick with what worked? I would say the only thing that I have "done" to get the skin I have is something I have NOT done, which is smoke. Everything else - genetics and luck.
I'm 51 and maybe look my age, maybe look younger, who knows, probably depends on the light and how much sleep I've gotten, and how people perceive what a 51 year old "should" look like. I plan to just let my body age as it will age.
Oh also wanted to add that when I finally went to the dentist again after years of avoiding it due to covid, I needed a mirror to get gunk from the teeth grinding molds out of my mouth. The mirror had a spectrum of tooth shades at the bottom and encouragement to get whiteners.
I loved this episode - I recently discovered the unpublishable (I feel like through a butter for your burnt toast? Am I right?) and it feels SO COUNTERINTUITIVE to all of the messaging I get all of the time.
For me, though, I feel like the fear around getting older isn’t about death. It’s the ableist/ageist ideas of how will I be cared for? Will I have to go into a nursing home? Will I just be trapped and miserable and eating sad things? Will I never breathe outside air? (I am 30yo and presumably far away from this, but it’s already such a fear). And obviously, “looking younger” will absolutely not change this. But somehow we believe it will.
This episode couldn't have come at a better time for me. I'm in my late 40s, and I'm the only one in my various friend groups who hasn't done Botox. (The Katie Sturino thing was a gut-punch. Et tu, Katie?!?)
I do my best to withhold judgement (like, I get why you feel incredible pressure to do that) and at the same time, I feel judged--like what does it say about the well-earned lines on my face if you find those lines unacceptable on yourself? Similar to talking about dieting or hating your body size when you're with people larger than you. Like, "my worst fear is looking like you, and I'll torture myself to try to avoid it."
I get really angry about the way girls and women have been socialized to go through this faux bonding ritual of criticizing our appearance, complimenting our friends, comparing ourselves, rejecting their compliments, sharing diet and beauty "tips." Ugh. It's exhausting and boring and leaves us feeling less connected.
Thanks for introducing me to Jessica's writing--I'll be seeking it out now!
Thanks for the shout out! Ageism, diet culture and beauty culture are all aimed at not letting us be ourselves and at taking our money. Love M
“Beauty standards have always been physical manifestations of systems of oppression” Damn!
I really needed this newsletter today. This is why I’m a paid subscriber. Thank you both so much.
I loved this episode so much. I'm going to be 35 in December and ALL of the messaging I'm getting is like, TIME FOR EYE CREAM, better take care of your skin so you don't wrinkle and look older. I've always looked younger than my age (at least, younger than people think I'm supposed to look!) and I'm a grad student, so I'm in an environment where nobody expects me to be the age I am, and people are constantly congratulating me for looking the way I do at 35. I do literally nothing to make that happen, it's just my skin. I really appreciated what you and Jessica said about how aging and wrinkles are not health concerns. I'm at the point where I wear sunscreen and that's it. I have no skincare routine and every so often I'm like...I could really use a skincare routine, maybe? I enjoy makeup but for every day I'm down to a little concealer and eyebrow gel (because I also stopped doing much of anything about my brows and they are POWERFUL).
Anyway, thank you so much for this content! I feel very seen.
Pure fire from beginning to end (as usual) 🔥🔥🔥🔥
When my 30-something husband went to his last skin cancer screening, the dermatologist suggested--totally unprompted--a drug for hair loss. Certainly, there is a lot more pressure on women to appear “beautiful” and “ageless” AND it doesn’t stop there! Consumerism knows no bounds 🙃
This was so good and gave me, as usual, lots to think about. Huge fans of you both.
Another great episode! Every person has skin - it’s not fancy (expensive) beauty creams & potions that make one person’s face “better” than another. The beauty industry is so full of tricks, false promises and lies; I’m glad Jessica and her newsletter are here to debunk the information! 💕
Skin care is just a perfect example of yet another aspect of beauty culture / diet culture / femininity that has always felt inaccessible / incomprehensible to me so I just ... haven't bothered much? As someone who's always been fat with wide feet, fashion (clothing and shoes) was never really available to me. Now that there are finally a lot more options, I'm old enough (51) that I've settled into a pretty comfortable personal style and understand that I'm just not one to follow fashion trends and that's totally cool! But it did hurt as a younger person to not even really be able to follow trends; I had to make do with what fit.
I tried, oh, I tried, with makeup for many years, but never quite got the hang of doing it myself, so it just became another part of performing womanhood that I let go (and let go 100% during the pandemic; pre-pandemic I'd put on a little powder, blush, and mascara if I was going to the office or out socially, but I just stopped altogether and don't really see myself going back).
And then skin care is wrapped up in all of that. I care for my skin to the extent that I put on anti-itch cream if I get hives or some other allergic / immune reaction, and I keep a close eye out for anything that could be cancerous, as that is definitely in my family history. I sometimes remember to put on moisturizer, but I use the same stuff on my face as everywhere else on my body. I wash my face with water, that's it. I remember one time telling a friend I used Lubriderm on my face and she was horrified, and I just shrugged because I didn't 1) know it was supposed to be "bad" and 2) wasn't having any issues with my skin, so why wouldn't I stick with what worked? I would say the only thing that I have "done" to get the skin I have is something I have NOT done, which is smoke. Everything else - genetics and luck.
I'm 51 and maybe look my age, maybe look younger, who knows, probably depends on the light and how much sleep I've gotten, and how people perceive what a 51 year old "should" look like. I plan to just let my body age as it will age.
Oh also wanted to add that when I finally went to the dentist again after years of avoiding it due to covid, I needed a mirror to get gunk from the teeth grinding molds out of my mouth. The mirror had a spectrum of tooth shades at the bottom and encouragement to get whiteners.
I loved this episode - I recently discovered the unpublishable (I feel like through a butter for your burnt toast? Am I right?) and it feels SO COUNTERINTUITIVE to all of the messaging I get all of the time.
For me, though, I feel like the fear around getting older isn’t about death. It’s the ableist/ageist ideas of how will I be cared for? Will I have to go into a nursing home? Will I just be trapped and miserable and eating sad things? Will I never breathe outside air? (I am 30yo and presumably far away from this, but it’s already such a fear). And obviously, “looking younger” will absolutely not change this. But somehow we believe it will.