This episode couldn't have come at a better time for me. I'm in my late 40s, and I'm the only one in my various friend groups who hasn't done Botox. (The Katie Sturino thing was a gut-punch. Et tu, Katie?!?)
I do my best to withhold judgement (like, I get why you feel incredible pressure to do that) and at the same time, I feel judged--like what does it say about the well-earned lines on my face if you find those lines unacceptable on yourself? Similar to talking about dieting or hating your body size when you're with people larger than you. Like, "my worst fear is looking like you, and I'll torture myself to try to avoid it."
I get really angry about the way girls and women have been socialized to go through this faux bonding ritual of criticizing our appearance, complimenting our friends, comparing ourselves, rejecting their compliments, sharing diet and beauty "tips." Ugh. It's exhausting and boring and leaves us feeling less connected.
Thanks for introducing me to Jessica's writing--I'll be seeking it out now!
This was a real concern to me when I was thinking about doing something to my neck. How will my mom and the other women in my life feel about their necks (and my opinion of their necks) if mine is unacceptable to me?
My mom used to say something similar about cosmetic surgery on noses - that she didn't understand how people could change their own noses when they were likely to have kids with that same nose.
To expand my comment~I’m 59 and recently I’ve been feeling like I need to “fix” my neck. I made some inquiries and it could cost more than $3000. There’s no way I can justify that. If it was $300 would I do it? Sadly, I might. It sucks that I’ve been conditioned to believe that my perfectly normal 59 year old neck is a problem.
Also, I went to a plastic surgeon-y ENT to have a spot removed from under my eye. Unasked, he offered to fix the bags under my eyes. For $5000. The ones I’ve had since I was a kid. The ones I inherited from my dad.
The PRICE TAGS on these things are truly insane. But you're right, the really insane part is thinking of all of these aspects of ourselves as problems to fix.
Lol. Now I’m on a roll. I recently saw a YouTube video by a cosmetic dermatologist discussing what procedures she does on herself. The list was LONG and she’s 32 years old. I can’t even.
I loved this episode so much. I'm going to be 35 in December and ALL of the messaging I'm getting is like, TIME FOR EYE CREAM, better take care of your skin so you don't wrinkle and look older. I've always looked younger than my age (at least, younger than people think I'm supposed to look!) and I'm a grad student, so I'm in an environment where nobody expects me to be the age I am, and people are constantly congratulating me for looking the way I do at 35. I do literally nothing to make that happen, it's just my skin. I really appreciated what you and Jessica said about how aging and wrinkles are not health concerns. I'm at the point where I wear sunscreen and that's it. I have no skincare routine and every so often I'm like...I could really use a skincare routine, maybe? I enjoy makeup but for every day I'm down to a little concealer and eyebrow gel (because I also stopped doing much of anything about my brows and they are POWERFUL).
Anyway, thank you so much for this content! I feel very seen.
Divesting from an elaborate skincare routine is something I did semi-accidentally when I started working from home, and it's honestly been the best. And YES POWERFUL BROWS.
When my 30-something husband went to his last skin cancer screening, the dermatologist suggested--totally unprompted--a drug for hair loss. Certainly, there is a lot more pressure on women to appear “beautiful” and “ageless” AND it doesn’t stop there! Consumerism knows no bounds 🙃
Another great episode! Every person has skin - it’s not fancy (expensive) beauty creams & potions that make one person’s face “better” than another. The beauty industry is so full of tricks, false promises and lies; I’m glad Jessica and her newsletter are here to debunk the information! 💕
Skin care is just a perfect example of yet another aspect of beauty culture / diet culture / femininity that has always felt inaccessible / incomprehensible to me so I just ... haven't bothered much? As someone who's always been fat with wide feet, fashion (clothing and shoes) was never really available to me. Now that there are finally a lot more options, I'm old enough (51) that I've settled into a pretty comfortable personal style and understand that I'm just not one to follow fashion trends and that's totally cool! But it did hurt as a younger person to not even really be able to follow trends; I had to make do with what fit.
I tried, oh, I tried, with makeup for many years, but never quite got the hang of doing it myself, so it just became another part of performing womanhood that I let go (and let go 100% during the pandemic; pre-pandemic I'd put on a little powder, blush, and mascara if I was going to the office or out socially, but I just stopped altogether and don't really see myself going back).
And then skin care is wrapped up in all of that. I care for my skin to the extent that I put on anti-itch cream if I get hives or some other allergic / immune reaction, and I keep a close eye out for anything that could be cancerous, as that is definitely in my family history. I sometimes remember to put on moisturizer, but I use the same stuff on my face as everywhere else on my body. I wash my face with water, that's it. I remember one time telling a friend I used Lubriderm on my face and she was horrified, and I just shrugged because I didn't 1) know it was supposed to be "bad" and 2) wasn't having any issues with my skin, so why wouldn't I stick with what worked? I would say the only thing that I have "done" to get the skin I have is something I have NOT done, which is smoke. Everything else - genetics and luck.
I'm 51 and maybe look my age, maybe look younger, who knows, probably depends on the light and how much sleep I've gotten, and how people perceive what a 51 year old "should" look like. I plan to just let my body age as it will age.
This episode couldn't have come at a better time for me. I'm in my late 40s, and I'm the only one in my various friend groups who hasn't done Botox. (The Katie Sturino thing was a gut-punch. Et tu, Katie?!?)
I do my best to withhold judgement (like, I get why you feel incredible pressure to do that) and at the same time, I feel judged--like what does it say about the well-earned lines on my face if you find those lines unacceptable on yourself? Similar to talking about dieting or hating your body size when you're with people larger than you. Like, "my worst fear is looking like you, and I'll torture myself to try to avoid it."
I get really angry about the way girls and women have been socialized to go through this faux bonding ritual of criticizing our appearance, complimenting our friends, comparing ourselves, rejecting their compliments, sharing diet and beauty "tips." Ugh. It's exhausting and boring and leaves us feeling less connected.
Thanks for introducing me to Jessica's writing--I'll be seeking it out now!
YES. You're so right about that parallel around how criticism of our own appearance becomes judgment of others.
This was a real concern to me when I was thinking about doing something to my neck. How will my mom and the other women in my life feel about their necks (and my opinion of their necks) if mine is unacceptable to me?
My mom used to say something similar about cosmetic surgery on noses - that she didn't understand how people could change their own noses when they were likely to have kids with that same nose.
Thanks for the shout out! Ageism, diet culture and beauty culture are all aimed at not letting us be ourselves and at taking our money. Love M
So true. Love you! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY, hooray for getting older!
“Beauty standards have always been physical manifestations of systems of oppression” Damn!
I really needed this newsletter today. This is why I’m a paid subscriber. Thank you both so much.
To expand my comment~I’m 59 and recently I’ve been feeling like I need to “fix” my neck. I made some inquiries and it could cost more than $3000. There’s no way I can justify that. If it was $300 would I do it? Sadly, I might. It sucks that I’ve been conditioned to believe that my perfectly normal 59 year old neck is a problem.
Also, I went to a plastic surgeon-y ENT to have a spot removed from under my eye. Unasked, he offered to fix the bags under my eyes. For $5000. The ones I’ve had since I was a kid. The ones I inherited from my dad.
The PRICE TAGS on these things are truly insane. But you're right, the really insane part is thinking of all of these aspects of ourselves as problems to fix.
Lol. Now I’m on a roll. I recently saw a YouTube video by a cosmetic dermatologist discussing what procedures she does on herself. The list was LONG and she’s 32 years old. I can’t even.
Oh yes, it's a whole rabbit hole.
I LOVE that line so much.
I loved this episode so much. I'm going to be 35 in December and ALL of the messaging I'm getting is like, TIME FOR EYE CREAM, better take care of your skin so you don't wrinkle and look older. I've always looked younger than my age (at least, younger than people think I'm supposed to look!) and I'm a grad student, so I'm in an environment where nobody expects me to be the age I am, and people are constantly congratulating me for looking the way I do at 35. I do literally nothing to make that happen, it's just my skin. I really appreciated what you and Jessica said about how aging and wrinkles are not health concerns. I'm at the point where I wear sunscreen and that's it. I have no skincare routine and every so often I'm like...I could really use a skincare routine, maybe? I enjoy makeup but for every day I'm down to a little concealer and eyebrow gel (because I also stopped doing much of anything about my brows and they are POWERFUL).
Anyway, thank you so much for this content! I feel very seen.
Divesting from an elaborate skincare routine is something I did semi-accidentally when I started working from home, and it's honestly been the best. And YES POWERFUL BROWS.
Pure fire from beginning to end (as usual) 🔥🔥🔥🔥
THANK YOU Sarah!
Pure. Fire.
When my 30-something husband went to his last skin cancer screening, the dermatologist suggested--totally unprompted--a drug for hair loss. Certainly, there is a lot more pressure on women to appear “beautiful” and “ageless” AND it doesn’t stop there! Consumerism knows no bounds 🙃
Ughhh!
This was so good and gave me, as usual, lots to think about. Huge fans of you both.
Thank you so much!
Another great episode! Every person has skin - it’s not fancy (expensive) beauty creams & potions that make one person’s face “better” than another. The beauty industry is so full of tricks, false promises and lies; I’m glad Jessica and her newsletter are here to debunk the information! 💕
Skin care is just a perfect example of yet another aspect of beauty culture / diet culture / femininity that has always felt inaccessible / incomprehensible to me so I just ... haven't bothered much? As someone who's always been fat with wide feet, fashion (clothing and shoes) was never really available to me. Now that there are finally a lot more options, I'm old enough (51) that I've settled into a pretty comfortable personal style and understand that I'm just not one to follow fashion trends and that's totally cool! But it did hurt as a younger person to not even really be able to follow trends; I had to make do with what fit.
I tried, oh, I tried, with makeup for many years, but never quite got the hang of doing it myself, so it just became another part of performing womanhood that I let go (and let go 100% during the pandemic; pre-pandemic I'd put on a little powder, blush, and mascara if I was going to the office or out socially, but I just stopped altogether and don't really see myself going back).
And then skin care is wrapped up in all of that. I care for my skin to the extent that I put on anti-itch cream if I get hives or some other allergic / immune reaction, and I keep a close eye out for anything that could be cancerous, as that is definitely in my family history. I sometimes remember to put on moisturizer, but I use the same stuff on my face as everywhere else on my body. I wash my face with water, that's it. I remember one time telling a friend I used Lubriderm on my face and she was horrified, and I just shrugged because I didn't 1) know it was supposed to be "bad" and 2) wasn't having any issues with my skin, so why wouldn't I stick with what worked? I would say the only thing that I have "done" to get the skin I have is something I have NOT done, which is smoke. Everything else - genetics and luck.
I'm 51 and maybe look my age, maybe look younger, who knows, probably depends on the light and how much sleep I've gotten, and how people perceive what a 51 year old "should" look like. I plan to just let my body age as it will age.