Jul 18Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith, Anita Bhagwandas
I love the idea of asking, who created this need I have to… Who benefits? Where did this requirement come from and why? Does it even align with what I believe?
I have a cluster of chin hairs and for years I plucked them. Eventually I got suckered into one of those rotating mini-epilators, then a friend gave me some little mini-razors that she bought but didn't like. At that point I had the lightbulb moment that if I was shaving them anyway, I could just shave them in the shower with my regular razor and make my life a whole lot easier.
I've bought into way more beauty marketing than I'd like to admit, but I also spent the first 51 years of my life with undiagnosed ADHD, and my mom probably has it too. Fashion, hair and makeup regimens are not second nature to either of us most of the time, unless it's a temporary hyperfocus. When I'd feel bad about my lack of ability to maintain any hair or makeup routine, I would remind myself that anything beyond what a typical man with decent hygiene does is just optional. Bathe, brush hair, brush teeth, and wear clean clothes appropriate to the situation.
FWIW I'm a fat conventionally attractive white woman with a lot of privilege, and my makeup skills are rudimentary at best. Even so, the difference in how I'm treated when I do get all made-up/dressed up is surprising.
Jul 18Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith, Anita Bhagwandas
I loved this episode and I love Ugly. Learning about the colonial roots of different bits of body distress has been so powerful and helped me to better connect with other women.
I think a lot of these old colonial / racist norms have filtered/ evolved into the British class system. Which can make it harder to see them for what they are.
I have always struggled to be good at applying makeup (my mom was never much of a makeup person so I didn't have her to teach me), like I just didn't know how to not look like a child let loose with mom's cosmetics. And since I came of age as a teen in the 80s, I didn't have YouTube makeup tutorials or anything, so in my adulthood I had gotten down to a very minimalist mascara/blush/powder/lipstick if I was going out in the world. That was pre-Covid and then I just stopped going out in the world at all, and stopped wearing makeup. Then once we did start venturing out, it got to the point where I would've had to replace everything anyway and I just didn't do that! I did put on some lip color for an event a couple months ago and it felt nice and festive but also so rare that it didn't feel at all burdensome.
Great talk, I can’t wait to read this book, and give copies to friends!
I have family in SE Asia so it’s interesting how the tanned class narrative there is still the original British empire version: paler = wealthier/leisure class, tanned/darker skin = outdoor work/labouring class. It’s confusing being stuck between competing beauty culture standards when I visit, there’s no winning either way.
I will say that I don't feel like 'me' without eye makeup and lip gloss on. Even on my day off, just running errands. Hair, though, I will wet in the shower and not care if it doesn't look great on a day off.
Somehow, I manage to forget about the two random chin hairs I get because they are under my jawline and don't see them growing, until I catch them in the car mirror (I remember reading in some magazine a 'hint' to keep tweezers in the car just for this reason. Maybe it's the angle? Or the light is better?) Like SURPRISE, I'M BACK, it's been 6 weeks. I may have been influenced to buy one of those cheap mini hair removers that look like a highlighter, but I should have known I couldn't be bothered. Who knows where it is.
For those times when you know you are being tempted by some thing on line... And maybe don't really need... Take a screen shot! Then tell yourself you can come back to find it tomorrow, if really necessary! You just saved money as well of lots of self esteem. Brava!
Photos. Three weeks ago I used an online service to make three photo albums for family of our family's 6 month old twins. The first shots are when they were an hour old through every stage to six months. Last week I presented them. They were a hit! I agree, we must get those pictures out of our cameras in hard copy.
I love the idea of asking, who created this need I have to… Who benefits? Where did this requirement come from and why? Does it even align with what I believe?
It's SUCH a useful framework.
I have a cluster of chin hairs and for years I plucked them. Eventually I got suckered into one of those rotating mini-epilators, then a friend gave me some little mini-razors that she bought but didn't like. At that point I had the lightbulb moment that if I was shaving them anyway, I could just shave them in the shower with my regular razor and make my life a whole lot easier.
I've bought into way more beauty marketing than I'd like to admit, but I also spent the first 51 years of my life with undiagnosed ADHD, and my mom probably has it too. Fashion, hair and makeup regimens are not second nature to either of us most of the time, unless it's a temporary hyperfocus. When I'd feel bad about my lack of ability to maintain any hair or makeup routine, I would remind myself that anything beyond what a typical man with decent hygiene does is just optional. Bathe, brush hair, brush teeth, and wear clean clothes appropriate to the situation.
FWIW I'm a fat conventionally attractive white woman with a lot of privilege, and my makeup skills are rudimentary at best. Even so, the difference in how I'm treated when I do get all made-up/dressed up is surprising.
I loved this episode and I love Ugly. Learning about the colonial roots of different bits of body distress has been so powerful and helped me to better connect with other women.
I think a lot of these old colonial / racist norms have filtered/ evolved into the British class system. Which can make it harder to see them for what they are.
Absolutely agree. It's embedded everywhere.
This was great! I wish I thought it was more likely that my teen would have the patience to read “Ugly” but *I* am going to read it and we shall see!
It’s a very accessible book and Anita is so cool!! So worth leaving around…
I also just followed Anita on social and reels are currently our best lingua franca, so you never know 😝
As someone who has spent an inordinate amount of time and money managing my (thick, very dark, very copious) chin hairs, reading this was so healing
I have always struggled to be good at applying makeup (my mom was never much of a makeup person so I didn't have her to teach me), like I just didn't know how to not look like a child let loose with mom's cosmetics. And since I came of age as a teen in the 80s, I didn't have YouTube makeup tutorials or anything, so in my adulthood I had gotten down to a very minimalist mascara/blush/powder/lipstick if I was going out in the world. That was pre-Covid and then I just stopped going out in the world at all, and stopped wearing makeup. Then once we did start venturing out, it got to the point where I would've had to replace everything anyway and I just didn't do that! I did put on some lip color for an event a couple months ago and it felt nice and festive but also so rare that it didn't feel at all burdensome.
Great talk, I can’t wait to read this book, and give copies to friends!
I have family in SE Asia so it’s interesting how the tanned class narrative there is still the original British empire version: paler = wealthier/leisure class, tanned/darker skin = outdoor work/labouring class. It’s confusing being stuck between competing beauty culture standards when I visit, there’s no winning either way.
I will say that I don't feel like 'me' without eye makeup and lip gloss on. Even on my day off, just running errands. Hair, though, I will wet in the shower and not care if it doesn't look great on a day off.
Somehow, I manage to forget about the two random chin hairs I get because they are under my jawline and don't see them growing, until I catch them in the car mirror (I remember reading in some magazine a 'hint' to keep tweezers in the car just for this reason. Maybe it's the angle? Or the light is better?) Like SURPRISE, I'M BACK, it's been 6 weeks. I may have been influenced to buy one of those cheap mini hair removers that look like a highlighter, but I should have known I couldn't be bothered. Who knows where it is.
For those times when you know you are being tempted by some thing on line... And maybe don't really need... Take a screen shot! Then tell yourself you can come back to find it tomorrow, if really necessary! You just saved money as well of lots of self esteem. Brava!
Photos. Three weeks ago I used an online service to make three photo albums for family of our family's 6 month old twins. The first shots are when they were an hour old through every stage to six months. Last week I presented them. They were a hit! I agree, we must get those pictures out of our cameras in hard copy.