Just noting that I realized after publishing that this piece doesn't include much discussion of the research on sugar and specific health risks (diabetes, etc). Chapter 7 of FAT TALK has more on this, but we're also planning a future guide that looks at sugar and adults — and I'll get more into long-term health questions then.
The bottom line for kids is: No matter what the science says about long-term health risks of sugar, kids are at a far higher risk for eating disorders than diabetes and heart disease — so figuring out how to help them have a non-fraught relationship with sugar NOW protects their current health and, I'd argue, sets the stage for better long-term health too.
One thing that is so helpful for me in your framing is that just because kids have ample access to sugar, it doesn’t mean they won’t still *love sugar.* Like sometimes I think I’m doing DoR wrong because sugary foods are still beloved in my kids’ eyes. I am definitely doing some of DoR wrong, fwiw, but I also think sometimes the culture of DoR tells us if you’re doing it right, your child will love broccoli and M&Ms with equal gusto. But there are so many factors influencing how our children view sugar--not just what happens in our homes--and almost all of those messages scream both SUGAR IS BAD and also SUGAR IS SPECIAL AND YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT! My kids DO in fact like both broccoli and M&Ms, but they’ll choose M&Ms over veggies any day, and it isn’t because they don’t have access to sugar in our home. They just like the damn M&Ms. They’re humans, after all; I too would rather have a milkshake than a salad, nine times out of 10.
As a mom to an 18 y/o, how I wish I had understood this years ago! I absolutely subscribed to the notion of sugar being the root of all evil and keeping my kid (and myself) far away from it. You do such a phenomenal job explaining things in a clear, compelling way. We’re now both in eating disorder recovery and your work has helped so much in unlearning all the crap diet culture taught me. I’m so grateful for you!
Thank you for this thorough guide! I feel ok about sugar in our house but I get overwhelmed by the amount of Halloween events now, it seems like we have at least 5 planned. Our experience with habituation is usually with Oreos, we now have lemon Oreos that have been unopened for 2 months after my kids liked them in late July! I also don’t like them, I prefer a regular double stuffed! We have regular access to ice cream at my in-laws house bc they have a deep freezer and getting ice cream at Grannys either after school or after dinner has been consistent for the past 4 years (they live across the street from us). Side note: we are adopting kittens from a sibling group where one was named Double Stuffed and I think that’s the cutest name for a black and white cat.
This is so helpful! I wonder if you have any thoughts on how this attitude toward food can translate to an attitude toward screen time.
The idea that "restriction breeds fixation" helped convince me to try getting rid of my screen time limits and letting the kids play Switch and watch TV all they want (still limiting to 1 YouTube video a day, because algorithms and I don't want to watch with them all day). The caveat is that if we need them to do something or want to do something else with them and it's been awhile, we can tell them to stop. Because, like with food, they can always have more later.
I have a fear that they will lose the creativity and self-direction that being bored can bring, but so far, it's been working pretty well, and the older one, at least, is a lot more willing to help with stuff around the house.
I know that games have addictive properties that food doesn't, though I do still wonder about the addictive properties of preservatives, etc. big brands are putting in their snacks. But I think remembering that a little guidance is ok with both foods and screens could go a long way toward helping us avoid the addiction trap.
FWIW, I love this advice for adults too! I think my boomer mom could get a lot out of a dinner where the after-dinner sweets were served with the savory parts of dinner!
This is great and I have a question! We had a no restrictions on sugar snacks in our house but had to start putting limits on it because our 7yo will only eat the snack food (cookies/candy/chips/gummies) and then not touch their meal. If this happened occasionally we wouldn’t mind but they just do not eat *any* of the food we prepare them because they fill up on the snacks every day. This isn’t something that they wore themselves out of, either, it went on for over a year before we placed some limits. Do you have any thoughts on this? Could it be because they are very very restricted at their dad’s house and are using mine as a place to counterbalance that?
I think it’s really important to separate how we feel about sugar from behaviors around foods with sugar. I stopped restricting sugar treats years ago and it took a couple years! for my feelings around sugar treats to normalize and not feel like I want a ton of it all the time. But behaviorally to many people especially those invested in diet culture there isn’t a noticeable difference in my consumption between my early non-restrictive sugar treat eating and my eating now. I have sugar treats both before and after meals. I don’t consider serving sizes. I eat sugar treats multiple times a day. And I’m fine with this. It feels enjoyable and good for me. If the goal is to get to some behavior that looks like restriction (or “moderation”), that’s still diet culture.
Thank you so much for this guide - I feel like I just need to re-read this once a week or something. This is the hardest aspect of diet culture for me to completely let go of. I keep treats around the house and also serve dessert at most meals, but I still have an internal struggle with wanting to control how much is the right amount.
I rarely feel bad for eating whatever amount I want these days, but haven't worked out how to relax about the kids, at least partly because they're still little (my youngest is 2). Is age a legit concern or just an extension of "don't give your kid sugar in the first year"-type advice?? Have you always taken the same approach of kids helping themselves to how much they want?
Growing up we had a lot of like, diet soda and low calorie foods and snacks and tbh I guess I like those things now because I grew up on them. But I still eat sugary cereal and Taco Bell and fruit rolls up when I feel like it cause I’m an adult and I like it. My mom does feel bad she modeled bad eating behavior around us growing up, especially now that she sees the way my brother models it for his kids. Him and his wife are very much into keto, intermittent fasting, having shakes for meals, avoiding sugar type people. They let the kids eat “kid foods” but I bet the kids see what their parents are doing and how they keep losing weight and getting smaller and smaller. (My parents and I joke that when we visit my brother we have to order Uber eats because he has no food in the house that isn’t like, kid portions of yogurt and pb&j, which is actually true since they skip breakfast & lunch and just make dinner for us adults). I’m trying my best to model healthy behaviors with eating and my body when I see my niblings but I don’t see them much.
I really appreciate what you said here about the word "treats". I got a little in my head about the word and it's implications a few weeks ago when I realized I'd been describing cookies/candy to my 2 year old that way and he started asked for treats, but you're exactly right-- they are a treat! And it's ok to recognize that, and it doesn't have to breed the same reverence/terror of sugar that it could in different circumstances.
i am so thankful that i divested from diet culture before the kids were born (actually losing weight in pregnancy and after delivery because i was VERY sick and being HAPPY about it officially got me thinking straight) - but of course....sugar and kids!
We have twins, which is always a great experiment in nature vs nurture. One guy is totally regulated and habituated when it comes to treats, but my dopamine seeker? ALWAYS wanting EVERYTHING, and MORE! So we have gone back and forth on restricting and now are once again in a weird place of arbitrarily saying yes or no and i hate it.
I do think that we still worry he will only eat treats (which isn't true, and we are always helping him build plates that include protein and other nutrients) but also he will eat all of our good stuff. We started hiding our stash and buying a little less (we all love treats) and maybe that is the answer? Like this kid is 10 and will still eat a tablespoon of sugar while baking, after having doused his cinnamon toast brunch in chocolate syrup, and then beg to go get slurpees (and he will want to two fist the biggest ones because it is FUN lol).
We also have trouble with pop because they (both) never seemed to habituate to that and would drink it all, fast. they now get two tickets a week to "spend" on a can of pop whenever they want, and that has actually slowed them way down, they sometimes won't even use both coupons in the week and have a stash.
anyway, thanks for letting me journal in your comments lol. Thank you for this, and the boost to read your book which i bought on pre-sale and is in my TBR :)
Just noting that I realized after publishing that this piece doesn't include much discussion of the research on sugar and specific health risks (diabetes, etc). Chapter 7 of FAT TALK has more on this, but we're also planning a future guide that looks at sugar and adults — and I'll get more into long-term health questions then.
The bottom line for kids is: No matter what the science says about long-term health risks of sugar, kids are at a far higher risk for eating disorders than diabetes and heart disease — so figuring out how to help them have a non-fraught relationship with sugar NOW protects their current health and, I'd argue, sets the stage for better long-term health too.
One thing that is so helpful for me in your framing is that just because kids have ample access to sugar, it doesn’t mean they won’t still *love sugar.* Like sometimes I think I’m doing DoR wrong because sugary foods are still beloved in my kids’ eyes. I am definitely doing some of DoR wrong, fwiw, but I also think sometimes the culture of DoR tells us if you’re doing it right, your child will love broccoli and M&Ms with equal gusto. But there are so many factors influencing how our children view sugar--not just what happens in our homes--and almost all of those messages scream both SUGAR IS BAD and also SUGAR IS SPECIAL AND YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT! My kids DO in fact like both broccoli and M&Ms, but they’ll choose M&Ms over veggies any day, and it isn’t because they don’t have access to sugar in our home. They just like the damn M&Ms. They’re humans, after all; I too would rather have a milkshake than a salad, nine times out of 10.
As a mom to an 18 y/o, how I wish I had understood this years ago! I absolutely subscribed to the notion of sugar being the root of all evil and keeping my kid (and myself) far away from it. You do such a phenomenal job explaining things in a clear, compelling way. We’re now both in eating disorder recovery and your work has helped so much in unlearning all the crap diet culture taught me. I’m so grateful for you!
Thank you for this thorough guide! I feel ok about sugar in our house but I get overwhelmed by the amount of Halloween events now, it seems like we have at least 5 planned. Our experience with habituation is usually with Oreos, we now have lemon Oreos that have been unopened for 2 months after my kids liked them in late July! I also don’t like them, I prefer a regular double stuffed! We have regular access to ice cream at my in-laws house bc they have a deep freezer and getting ice cream at Grannys either after school or after dinner has been consistent for the past 4 years (they live across the street from us). Side note: we are adopting kittens from a sibling group where one was named Double Stuffed and I think that’s the cutest name for a black and white cat.
This is so helpful! I wonder if you have any thoughts on how this attitude toward food can translate to an attitude toward screen time.
The idea that "restriction breeds fixation" helped convince me to try getting rid of my screen time limits and letting the kids play Switch and watch TV all they want (still limiting to 1 YouTube video a day, because algorithms and I don't want to watch with them all day). The caveat is that if we need them to do something or want to do something else with them and it's been awhile, we can tell them to stop. Because, like with food, they can always have more later.
I have a fear that they will lose the creativity and self-direction that being bored can bring, but so far, it's been working pretty well, and the older one, at least, is a lot more willing to help with stuff around the house.
I know that games have addictive properties that food doesn't, though I do still wonder about the addictive properties of preservatives, etc. big brands are putting in their snacks. But I think remembering that a little guidance is ok with both foods and screens could go a long way toward helping us avoid the addiction trap.
On a completely different subject, have you (or anyone else) heard about the new book ULTRA-PROCESSED PEOPLE: THE SCIENCE BEHIND FOOD THAT ISN'T FOOD by Chris van Tulleken? I heard him on WBUR's OnPoint recently and had lots of thoughts. I'd love to hear yours! Here's the episode: https://www.wbur.org/onpoint/2023/10/02/what-the-rise-of-ultra-processed-foods-means-for-our-health-and-our-society
FWIW, I love this advice for adults too! I think my boomer mom could get a lot out of a dinner where the after-dinner sweets were served with the savory parts of dinner!
This is great and I have a question! We had a no restrictions on sugar snacks in our house but had to start putting limits on it because our 7yo will only eat the snack food (cookies/candy/chips/gummies) and then not touch their meal. If this happened occasionally we wouldn’t mind but they just do not eat *any* of the food we prepare them because they fill up on the snacks every day. This isn’t something that they wore themselves out of, either, it went on for over a year before we placed some limits. Do you have any thoughts on this? Could it be because they are very very restricted at their dad’s house and are using mine as a place to counterbalance that?
I think it’s really important to separate how we feel about sugar from behaviors around foods with sugar. I stopped restricting sugar treats years ago and it took a couple years! for my feelings around sugar treats to normalize and not feel like I want a ton of it all the time. But behaviorally to many people especially those invested in diet culture there isn’t a noticeable difference in my consumption between my early non-restrictive sugar treat eating and my eating now. I have sugar treats both before and after meals. I don’t consider serving sizes. I eat sugar treats multiple times a day. And I’m fine with this. It feels enjoyable and good for me. If the goal is to get to some behavior that looks like restriction (or “moderation”), that’s still diet culture.
This made me realize I need to go buy a jar of M&Ms! I like to mix the peanut and regular ones.
Also, as a non-parent preparing for Halloween, what are the candies I should get that will make me the ~*cool*~ house?
I’m just here to say that we too are a chocolate chip pancakes on the weekend family :)
Wait...5-9 Oreos isn’t a serving? :D
Thank you so much for this guide - I feel like I just need to re-read this once a week or something. This is the hardest aspect of diet culture for me to completely let go of. I keep treats around the house and also serve dessert at most meals, but I still have an internal struggle with wanting to control how much is the right amount.
I rarely feel bad for eating whatever amount I want these days, but haven't worked out how to relax about the kids, at least partly because they're still little (my youngest is 2). Is age a legit concern or just an extension of "don't give your kid sugar in the first year"-type advice?? Have you always taken the same approach of kids helping themselves to how much they want?
Growing up we had a lot of like, diet soda and low calorie foods and snacks and tbh I guess I like those things now because I grew up on them. But I still eat sugary cereal and Taco Bell and fruit rolls up when I feel like it cause I’m an adult and I like it. My mom does feel bad she modeled bad eating behavior around us growing up, especially now that she sees the way my brother models it for his kids. Him and his wife are very much into keto, intermittent fasting, having shakes for meals, avoiding sugar type people. They let the kids eat “kid foods” but I bet the kids see what their parents are doing and how they keep losing weight and getting smaller and smaller. (My parents and I joke that when we visit my brother we have to order Uber eats because he has no food in the house that isn’t like, kid portions of yogurt and pb&j, which is actually true since they skip breakfast & lunch and just make dinner for us adults). I’m trying my best to model healthy behaviors with eating and my body when I see my niblings but I don’t see them much.
I really appreciate what you said here about the word "treats". I got a little in my head about the word and it's implications a few weeks ago when I realized I'd been describing cookies/candy to my 2 year old that way and he started asked for treats, but you're exactly right-- they are a treat! And it's ok to recognize that, and it doesn't have to breed the same reverence/terror of sugar that it could in different circumstances.
THANK YOU!!
i am so thankful that i divested from diet culture before the kids were born (actually losing weight in pregnancy and after delivery because i was VERY sick and being HAPPY about it officially got me thinking straight) - but of course....sugar and kids!
We have twins, which is always a great experiment in nature vs nurture. One guy is totally regulated and habituated when it comes to treats, but my dopamine seeker? ALWAYS wanting EVERYTHING, and MORE! So we have gone back and forth on restricting and now are once again in a weird place of arbitrarily saying yes or no and i hate it.
I do think that we still worry he will only eat treats (which isn't true, and we are always helping him build plates that include protein and other nutrients) but also he will eat all of our good stuff. We started hiding our stash and buying a little less (we all love treats) and maybe that is the answer? Like this kid is 10 and will still eat a tablespoon of sugar while baking, after having doused his cinnamon toast brunch in chocolate syrup, and then beg to go get slurpees (and he will want to two fist the biggest ones because it is FUN lol).
We also have trouble with pop because they (both) never seemed to habituate to that and would drink it all, fast. they now get two tickets a week to "spend" on a can of pop whenever they want, and that has actually slowed them way down, they sometimes won't even use both coupons in the week and have a stash.
anyway, thanks for letting me journal in your comments lol. Thank you for this, and the boost to read your book which i bought on pre-sale and is in my TBR :)