(tw: I talk about medical trauma related to ED stuff below)
This piece was a difficult, necessary read for me. I developed anorexia as an "obese" thirteen year old, and it took me experiencing now-permanent physical damage and becoming severely underweight at fifteen to be taken seriously enough for institutionalization as treatment (which is, of course, abusive and carceral in and of itself). It was so difficult to be a teenager and recognize the profound violence of systemic antifatness –– that the medical industry would, it seemed, rather have me actively dying than fat, and was ready to trivialize my struggles right up until the point of heart failure, only because at that moment, I happened to be thin enough to count.
I know this is a post that's mostly about dating, but I think that the politics of desirability go so far beyond that, and perhaps my first encounter with their persuasive power was when I realized that if I practiced slow death in the right way, I could make myself appealing enough to be cared for. This grim knowledge radicalized me (though I wouldn't have called it at the time) and continues to animate my accompliceship to fat people as a formerly fat anorexic who now benefits from thin privilege. Desirability is a death machine.
I wasn’t familiar with Bri so really enjoyed this. Did a dive into her IG and found so much helpful info in her posts. Especially regarding photos and hating the way you look in photos and hot to respond to that. I struggle with that and often feel great then see a photo of my self and beat myself up over how I look then get mad at myself for being upset by the photo. She has a lot of great info on how to reframe that and deal with it. Thanks for sharing this and introducing me to her work!
I had to take some deep breaths when Bri shared the story about what happened while working at the ED treatment program. I've seen that issue come up a few times with families and treatment providers, and I've seen it go a few different ways.
I love this conversation and Bri’s work so much. I feel like I still go through those grieving periods but this group and these conversations keep me feeling rooted so those insane expectations and constantly moving goal posts don’t affect me in the same way. I’m grateful.
This was phenomenal. Everything – everything! – resonated so much. I too have had to deal with letting go of performing 'good fat' for my doctor. I too have been prescribed Wellbutrin – in my case after brutal withdrawal in the last tapering step off Zoloft. The two of you have given me a bit of courage and playful possibility to maybe, one day, try dating again. Seeing a dating coach is inspired!
(tw: I talk about medical trauma related to ED stuff below)
This piece was a difficult, necessary read for me. I developed anorexia as an "obese" thirteen year old, and it took me experiencing now-permanent physical damage and becoming severely underweight at fifteen to be taken seriously enough for institutionalization as treatment (which is, of course, abusive and carceral in and of itself). It was so difficult to be a teenager and recognize the profound violence of systemic antifatness –– that the medical industry would, it seemed, rather have me actively dying than fat, and was ready to trivialize my struggles right up until the point of heart failure, only because at that moment, I happened to be thin enough to count.
I know this is a post that's mostly about dating, but I think that the politics of desirability go so far beyond that, and perhaps my first encounter with their persuasive power was when I realized that if I practiced slow death in the right way, I could make myself appealing enough to be cared for. This grim knowledge radicalized me (though I wouldn't have called it at the time) and continues to animate my accompliceship to fat people as a formerly fat anorexic who now benefits from thin privilege. Desirability is a death machine.
I wasn’t familiar with Bri so really enjoyed this. Did a dive into her IG and found so much helpful info in her posts. Especially regarding photos and hating the way you look in photos and hot to respond to that. I struggle with that and often feel great then see a photo of my self and beat myself up over how I look then get mad at myself for being upset by the photo. She has a lot of great info on how to reframe that and deal with it. Thanks for sharing this and introducing me to her work!
I had to take some deep breaths when Bri shared the story about what happened while working at the ED treatment program. I've seen that issue come up a few times with families and treatment providers, and I've seen it go a few different ways.
Another incredible conversation! I never tire of hearing these incredible voices in the body liberation space. Thank you!
This whole conversation is a joy! So much to learn here for anyone who has a body, of any shape or size. Thanks to both of you.
I love you both!!! ❤️
I’m late to the game, but yay for this episode! Bri is such a gem!! This was a joy to listen to.
So good! I’m going to use the bless and release for many other things in my life now. Feels like a multi-use tool.❤️
I love this conversation and Bri’s work so much. I feel like I still go through those grieving periods but this group and these conversations keep me feeling rooted so those insane expectations and constantly moving goal posts don’t affect me in the same way. I’m grateful.
This was phenomenal. Everything – everything! – resonated so much. I too have had to deal with letting go of performing 'good fat' for my doctor. I too have been prescribed Wellbutrin – in my case after brutal withdrawal in the last tapering step off Zoloft. The two of you have given me a bit of courage and playful possibility to maybe, one day, try dating again. Seeing a dating coach is inspired!
Playful possibility might be my new favorite phrase 💕
I loved this so very much! Thank you both!!
Bri is so lovely! What a gift! Thank you both
OH sweet friend. She doesn't need to be forgiven. She did the best she could to survive. You are SEEN and loved. xo