"Because especially for women, this is how we’re conditioned, to always assume our bodies will be somewhat objectified and to self-objectify our bodies."
My two kids are in college, and my spouse travels semi-regularly so on these nights when I am alone in my home, I sleep nude. I have never in my life felt free enough to do so, even though I am really bothered by the sensation of my pajamas riding up or bunching and the discomfort can keep me awake. These nights I don't have to think about how I will be wanted or needed by anyone else so I can exist in my body free from objectification and sink into feeling completely unencumbered. It's been a very healing practice as well as a delicious experience I enjoy all for myself and this sense of abandon is starting to seep into other corners of my life as well. Butter!
I loved how you answered the question about how to bring in our loved ones into the conversation. You said it as kind of a joke but I realized I have actually said to my mom something along the lines of "oh you're experiencing the crushing weight of capitalism/diet culture/ etc" and unsurprisingly it didn't go over very well. What I wanted to get across to her was how this thing she was dealing with wasn't her fault or some failure and that she wasn't alone but I completely alienated her in that moment. So anyway, thank you for that reminder and also an example of what to do instead.
There were times when I was reading Fat Talk that I had to put it down and give myself some space to absorb the stories and information. So much reminded me of my upbringing and reinforced why I have been dealing with my own emotions and struggles - as the mother of 2 girls, ages 5 and 8, I really wanted to examine my own relationship with food and my body. The unexpected result is, between this book/community and Aubrey Gordon’s work (particularly the film), I have gained so much more compassion for my mother and her struggles. She lives with us and while it can be exhausting having to redirect conversations and educate her, I also see the work she tried to do to not put the same expectations on me and my sister. She didn’t do a great job but she did try. While this healing and education process may be life long, it makes me feel very encouraged to see some progress.
Also, I’ve already been able to use the resources at the end of the book with my kids’ pediatrician. It was very helpful in making me feel confident in starting the conversation!
I really enjoyed this interview. Great to hear both of you laughing AND making all the connections among diet culture, capitalism, patriarchy, and white supremacy.
What a delight. I paused partway through reading to text a friend about planning a friend date next week, and the "I hate that society makes us feel bad about eating" is primed and ready for the next time I'm with my boomer sister who is literally half my size and who says things that tear us both down without even realizing it.
Jan 18·edited Jan 19Liked by Angela Garbes, Virginia Sole-Smith
The two things that excited me most about this interview were 11 months sober - YAY!! I'm three years and cheering you to bits, Angela. And yea, ice cream... The other thing that I love is the new way you experience yourself alone in your home sans the male gaze and how freeing that is. Glad you have that, Virginia. You two make me feel so good today! Brava you!
Thanks very much for this conversation! I'd love for you to explore more the stress-not eating-stop eating thing that can happen (among women mostly I would say). My mother went through an acutely stressful experience about ten years ago and she was almost physically not able to eat in the days/weeks around this time. Like could not swallow. It was terrible, she ended up sipping protein shakes to ensure she had some sustenance. I'm sure there are many manifestations of this issue but it not something I've ever really seen any deep dive into.
Thank you for this lovely conversation. It made me laugh (& cry)… which is exactly what I needed today.
I am so grateful to have this venue to listen to genuine conversation that matches what’s been swirling in my head for years. I only wish I could also find like minded friends like the ones you spoke of today. If weight stigma, diet culture comes up in conversation with my friends and colleagues, I feel I skirt toward alienating, even though I always speak in terms of “we are all swimming in this, it’s not your fault”. I applaud anyone who continues up this hill toward change.
PSA: Virginia's Target dress is back! I saw it yesterday in store (and almost bought it; now that I see it here I most certainly will)! Here it is online stocked in all sizes up to 2X in the denim, and 4X in black and green:
"Because especially for women, this is how we’re conditioned, to always assume our bodies will be somewhat objectified and to self-objectify our bodies."
My two kids are in college, and my spouse travels semi-regularly so on these nights when I am alone in my home, I sleep nude. I have never in my life felt free enough to do so, even though I am really bothered by the sensation of my pajamas riding up or bunching and the discomfort can keep me awake. These nights I don't have to think about how I will be wanted or needed by anyone else so I can exist in my body free from objectification and sink into feeling completely unencumbered. It's been a very healing practice as well as a delicious experience I enjoy all for myself and this sense of abandon is starting to seep into other corners of my life as well. Butter!
I loved how you answered the question about how to bring in our loved ones into the conversation. You said it as kind of a joke but I realized I have actually said to my mom something along the lines of "oh you're experiencing the crushing weight of capitalism/diet culture/ etc" and unsurprisingly it didn't go over very well. What I wanted to get across to her was how this thing she was dealing with wasn't her fault or some failure and that she wasn't alone but I completely alienated her in that moment. So anyway, thank you for that reminder and also an example of what to do instead.
There were times when I was reading Fat Talk that I had to put it down and give myself some space to absorb the stories and information. So much reminded me of my upbringing and reinforced why I have been dealing with my own emotions and struggles - as the mother of 2 girls, ages 5 and 8, I really wanted to examine my own relationship with food and my body. The unexpected result is, between this book/community and Aubrey Gordon’s work (particularly the film), I have gained so much more compassion for my mother and her struggles. She lives with us and while it can be exhausting having to redirect conversations and educate her, I also see the work she tried to do to not put the same expectations on me and my sister. She didn’t do a great job but she did try. While this healing and education process may be life long, it makes me feel very encouraged to see some progress.
Also, I’ve already been able to use the resources at the end of the book with my kids’ pediatrician. It was very helpful in making me feel confident in starting the conversation!
I really enjoyed this interview. Great to hear both of you laughing AND making all the connections among diet culture, capitalism, patriarchy, and white supremacy.
What a delight. I paused partway through reading to text a friend about planning a friend date next week, and the "I hate that society makes us feel bad about eating" is primed and ready for the next time I'm with my boomer sister who is literally half my size and who says things that tear us both down without even realizing it.
The two things that excited me most about this interview were 11 months sober - YAY!! I'm three years and cheering you to bits, Angela. And yea, ice cream... The other thing that I love is the new way you experience yourself alone in your home sans the male gaze and how freeing that is. Glad you have that, Virginia. You two make me feel so good today! Brava you!
Thanks very much for this conversation! I'd love for you to explore more the stress-not eating-stop eating thing that can happen (among women mostly I would say). My mother went through an acutely stressful experience about ten years ago and she was almost physically not able to eat in the days/weeks around this time. Like could not swallow. It was terrible, she ended up sipping protein shakes to ensure she had some sustenance. I'm sure there are many manifestations of this issue but it not something I've ever really seen any deep dive into.
Thank you for this lovely conversation. It made me laugh (& cry)… which is exactly what I needed today.
I am so grateful to have this venue to listen to genuine conversation that matches what’s been swirling in my head for years. I only wish I could also find like minded friends like the ones you spoke of today. If weight stigma, diet culture comes up in conversation with my friends and colleagues, I feel I skirt toward alienating, even though I always speak in terms of “we are all swimming in this, it’s not your fault”. I applaud anyone who continues up this hill toward change.
PSA: Virginia's Target dress is back! I saw it yesterday in store (and almost bought it; now that I see it here I most certainly will)! Here it is online stocked in all sizes up to 2X in the denim, and 4X in black and green:
https://www.target.com/p/women-39-s-long-sleeve-mini-shirtdress-universal-thread-8482-indigo-l/-/A-89809378?preselect=89809363#lnk=sametab
Fellow stress organizer here, and a season of rest sounds amazing!!!
your answer to the WGN guy was on point! you never blame the parents and that is such a relief to hear. thank you thank you!
I thought the Q&A was so thoughtful. That’s not always true with Q&A but this was one of my faves
It was so cool to be there and get both of your books signed!
This was really fun! So many great thought-provoking ideas here.
Just wonderful!
Hell yeah, girl!