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Apr 21, 2023Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith

For the last couple of years I go ahead and try everything in my closet on when the season changes - if it's definitely too small or if it's a bit small and I don't love it then I put it straight in the "get rid of" pile, and if it's just tight but theoretically wearable and I absolutely love it I move it into the "storage" part of the closet as I kind of intermediate step. It has been an absolute game-changer for me having only clothes in my closet that I know will fit me comfortably, and makes getting dressed a 1000 times better experience.

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Apr 21, 2023·edited Apr 21, 2023Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith

Thank you SO much for the shout-out! It means the world to me, coming from you. Recently, when I've gained weight and clothes don't fit, I try to clearly separate the annoyance at having to spend the time and effort and money to reinvest in clothing from the lingering internalized fatphobia that might be affecting my thinking by asking myself, would I feel different if I needed to buy new clothing because I had (unintentionally) lost weight? If yes, it shows me I have work to do--and more importantly, makes me angry enough at fatphobia and diet culture to spur me into action directed outward, not inward. Obviously that doesn't take into account all the complexities here (the privilege of having the means to buy new clothes, and the privilege of having clothes available in a new size, just for starters). But posting it here just in case it's helpful to anyone else! Also: stretch fabric is MAGIC.

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Apr 21, 2023Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith

I just invested in a lot of new clothes because of my changing body and it definitely brought up lots of things ~ sadness about not being able to wear my very favorite pants anymore (they were magical!) that are no longer sold, stress over the cost of purchasing, and guilt over consumption since I try very very hard not to buy very many clothes. It’s funny because I just counseled my teen about how all of this is okay and then when I it came to myself I needed my own advice! It’s amazing how much can be wrapped up in a purchase, isn’t it? I realize the privilege of being able to afford sizing up and get panicky at the thought of ever not being able to in the future - the messiness of money and size being tied together is a LOT.

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Apr 21, 2023Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith

Everyone has a small bin in their closet for clothes that don't fit / suit us anymore. When the bins fill, i bag them up and schedule for a Green Drop pick up. This started for the kids as they quickly out grew things. But now that we're solidly into the big kid sizes and things are supposed to last longer it's also about the itchy, stiff, or "I don't like it anymore" stuff too. For the grown ups it's less about "whelp this doesn't fit anymore" and - at least for me - "why did I buy this?" (I'm looking at your, TWO different oatmeal colored shirts) or "what happened in the wash?" (ahem, everything from costco). In general, I've tried really hard to reframe around "this doesn't work for me anymore" and not "I don't fit in this". Clothes work for me and not the other way around. I've also been trying to be mindful about buying new clothes that are more forgiving with lots of spandex for changing bodies to change.

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Apr 21, 2023Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith

I changed sizes dramatically after pregnancy, and realized after about a year that I was never going back to my old size. My boobs were just permanently bigger, for one thing! I had a whole wardrobe of business and business casual stuff that I loved to give away. I posted photos on our local Everything Free group. A woman in need came to my house and tried things on. Ultimately, she took it all. It felt sad to give away clothes I had loved, and great to see them go to someone who would use them. This is what I do now - give the bags away, and move on to what works for my current body.

I’m still changing sizes because I learned recently that I had endometriosis, adenomyosis, and SIBO. They were causing so much bloating (and more!) Honestly I don’t know yet if I my body has settled to a new normal (for now) yet after treatment and surgery. Buying the Universal Standard ponte pants that work in two sizes has helped with the frustration of buying pants that won’t fit over the bloat.

I also think this chapter of pregnancy and health challenges has made me realize that my body will always be changing. Perhaps the fact that I was a consistent size for ten years in my twenties and thirties was a fluke or lucky long stretch. I need to get used to getting new clothes for my ever-changing body. I have experimented with Poshmark, ThredUp, Quince and Universal Standard as I have tried to find good sources of quality and sustainable (on a budget) clothes. Spending the money feels hard, but it’s such a confidence boost to have stuff that fits.

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Apr 21, 2023Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith

My one coping mechanism is more a clothing purchasing strategy. I’m neurodivergent and it’s difficult to find fabrics that I can tolerate so I bought a bunch of tank tops that I liked (after trying the first one) in a form fitting size and a looser size, and I wear them all year with sweaters of various types depending on the weather and season. This means I have something that looks different and isn’t a nightmare for my skin and if I don’t fit in the form fitting version at some point then I still have the looser versions.

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Apr 21, 2023Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith

I feel so much less alone after reading all these comments! One related issue I'm annoyed by lately is how much faster clothes seem to wear out when I'm trying to only buy/wear a few things. Feels like this is another one of the overlooked drawbacks of the capsule wardrobe: My clothes wear out and I have to go through the work again to replace them.

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A few months ago, I went on a cleaning purge and got rid of a seven garbage bags of clothing, five of which were things from before I had my daughter that didn't fit anymore. I admit that I kept a few favorites, but almost everything went. It was both hard and exhilarating. Some of it went to people in my buy nothing group, and others went to asylum seekers in my area. The problem I have is that I had built an amazing wardrobe I loved over many years, and my style hasn't changed, but the fashion trends have, and now my go-to places have stuff I really am not into. (For example--size privilege--Boden was my go-to for years, and now all their stuff is so weird with giant sleeves and super deep necklines.) So I'm having trouble building a new wardrobe that I love, beyond all of the challenges I have in general with how my body has changed.

Beyond that, yesterday I tried on two dresses--one that was too big, and one two sizes bigger that was too small. WT actual F? This is why we have issues!

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Oh my gosh, this is huge for me right now, not with shoulder season, but with work clothes! I have been remote since 2020, but will need to go into the office almost full-time this summer. None of my work clothes fit me anymore! So not only do I need to buy a ton of new clothes, which I anticipate will be very expensive, but they also need to be hot weather appropriate! I have been spending weeks mentally preparing for this effort of purchasing an entirely new seasonal work wardrobe. Also, I can’t believe what I used to wear to work! After three years of comfy pants paired with a work shirt on zoom, pencil skirts seem like torture to me now!! Would also love to know where folks buy nice work clothes that aren’t like $300 per pair of pants and are also comfortable if that even exists haha

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The comments on The Cut piece are a reminder of how necessary your work is, but -- sheesh. I'm almost embarrassed for some of the commenters, although it's hard to feel empathy for people so lacking in it.

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Apr 23, 2023Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith

I love our neighborhood Buy Nothing group so much for both ends of this dilemma: giving and receiving. People will give away whole bags of clothing and the recipient regifts what doesn't work for them. Specific asks don't always turn up what's needed but the sheer generosity on display every day makes me go read posts just to feel like the world is a good place. Absolutely zero body judgment-- people state what they have or what they need and it is what it is. Anyone who snarked would be kicked out of the group in a heartbeat and I've never seen it happen.

The personal connection adds value for me. I had a beautiful emerald green silky jacket I adored that didn't fit any more and posted that and some shoes. The woman who picked up both works for the local symphony. She later messaged me to say she'd worn them and had gotten lots of compliments. I loved that jacket and it made me feel good about setting it free to live in the world again, since in my closet it wasn't being appreciated. I gave it new life through someone else.

This post and comments are motivating me to get real about passing along a suit that cost way more than I usually spend on clothes and quit kidding myself that I can put up with the discomfort because of the money. The money is long gone, the discomfort is here and real.

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Apr 21, 2023Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith

Sorry for the length, I’ve just been going through this process and I have a lot of thoughts!

My life/body have changed so many ways over the last 20 years and I have a lot of feelings /ideas about clothes. Seasonal change brings it all to the fore. I was pretty stable, size wise I t’il the pandemic, and now things are changing again, and it’s frustrating because I accept that this is a thing that happens, I gave up being too stressed about numbers sone time ago, but...it’s such a hassle and it doesn’t feel like fun.

I’m fortunate that I have the time & money to spend, but I’m afraid that I’d stil be a bit obsessive about it even if it wasn’t something I could afford. When I give clothes away(usually one ‘tall’ garbage bags a season) I donate to a charity that asks for clothes. I don’t know what happens then. I do know that there’s not many plus sized clothing in vintage/second hand /Goodwill stores, so I feel like if my clothes get there that’s not so bad. (I know , it’s unlikely that that happens but I haven’t been given a viable alternative yet)

My clothing preoccupations are around if they work together(colour, proportion, fabric weight) , and if I will regret wearing them 15 min after I leave the house. A lot of clothes are fine when I’m standing around but stop being comfortable as soon as I start walking around outside or spend time sitting down- waists/crotches drop leading to thigh rub, tops crawl up, plackets stretch out, skirts twist around... Anyway, these are issues I’ve always had regardless of size.

My major gripe is that because retailers don’t keep larger sizes in their physical stores, and because plus sized stores are few and far between up here in the Great White North, I have to order everything online and it’s really wasteful and time consuming. I have to return so many things that I’d never have bought if I’d been able to try them on in a store, so a process that might take a weekend for a straight sized person will stretch to over 2 weeks for me.

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Apr 21, 2023Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith

I just went through a major clothing purge. At first, it sucked; I just kept raking myself over the coals of shame guilt, worth l, and identity. Finally, my therapist suggested I just put all of the clothes into trash bags and take them to the local donation center.

So I did.

My mistake was trying to be perfect about letting them go, like “okay, yes, I have gained weight in the past few years, BUT I can redeem myself by making the exact right decision about how to get rid of my wardrobe, and then it will be okay and I’ll still be a good girl.” This is totally fucked up, and full of internalized fatphobia and perfectionism, and I spent a lot of time crying in my closet. It was really messy of me to just donate all the stuff in one go, but that’s what I needed. And that part did not suck at all. The truth is that I am messy, life is messy, and while my current wardrobe is mostly made of leftover sweatpants and chambray shirts, I have given myself so much space to find suitable replacements.

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Apr 21, 2023Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith

This isn't exactly about my experience with this BUT. I cannot stop thinking about how so many kids' pants these days have adjustable waistbands — those little hidden elastic band things that you can loosen or tighten as needed. WHY AREN'T ALL PANTS LIKE THAT!

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Apr 21, 2023Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith

This is so, so timely. I just had a conversation with my therapist about my clothes not fitting and the combination of physical discomfort and stress around shopping for new stuff. For me, it’s really hard to buy new pieces when I think about them not fitting in another year, since this has been the trend over the past few years after a decade of being the same size.

I don’t know how to use a sewing machine, but I do a lot of embroidery. I’m planning to alter a midi denim skirt that I LIVED in a few summers ago. Apparently patched denim in different washes is in right now? So I’m going to use denim from a dark wash pair of jeans that no longer fit to create panels for this light wash denim skirt. And then embroider them together with pink thread. Obviously this will take time and skills that not everyone has, but it’s a way to use the stuff I have to make something new.

Meanwhile I also ordered some new underwear and bras from some of the places that were rec’d here recently!

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Love that article and the picture Virginia! As for clothes that no longer fit: I don’t know... I put on a striped t-shirt this week for the first time this year--I love stripey shirts, they’re my summer staple! But it was just a tad short 🙄 I told myself that it must’ve shrunk in the wash 😅 But I don’t have any coping mechanisms other than mild self-delusion and getting rid of the too-small item asap. Am interested in what other people do for sure!

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