Aug 24, 2022·edited Aug 24, 2022Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith
Hello,
I am new to this group and am grateful for the opportunity to learn more. My 7 year old daughter is fat (even writing that feels like a betrayal so I definitely have some work to do on my mindset) and her younger sister, my husband and I are all thin. She has started to notice her compared to her friends which I was prepared for, but she’s started to comment on how thin I am compared to her. She’s also started “working out” and pointing out how she thinks she’s “lost weight” after working out.
I don’t talk about weight and don’t diet. My husband has discussed his weight because he was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and so had to change his diet. I am trying to not make a big deal or have a big reaction to these comments but am concerned I’m doing more harm than good. How do I reinforce body positivity when my daughter is comparing herself to the rest of the family? Being comfortable in my skin won’t help her here unfortunately.
Virginia, this is so helpful, but I was left with a similar question as Amy. This came up just last week, when I was watching my daughter's soccer practice with my 6-year-old son. He said, "Who is the fat girl in the green shirt?" His description was accurate and a reasonable way to differentiate the girl from the people around her, and from what you're describing in this newsletter, it sounds like it was appropriate. (And I did follow my answer to his question with a comment about how she was handling the ball really well.) But I would be embarrassed if the girl (or her parents) heard him describe her as a "fat girl," because I don't know how comfortable they are with this descriptor. How would you respond?
Hello and question for you! If we start using fat as a descriptor but then our kid says fat to someone else who views it as hurtful, what then? It seems like it's still incredibly tricky if not everyone we ever speak to is on board with this approach...I understand all of the reasons to still do it and explain the nuances of other people's relationship to the word to our kids, but when they are out in the world without us, it just seems...difficult.
Hello,
I am new to this group and am grateful for the opportunity to learn more. My 7 year old daughter is fat (even writing that feels like a betrayal so I definitely have some work to do on my mindset) and her younger sister, my husband and I are all thin. She has started to notice her compared to her friends which I was prepared for, but she’s started to comment on how thin I am compared to her. She’s also started “working out” and pointing out how she thinks she’s “lost weight” after working out.
I don’t talk about weight and don’t diet. My husband has discussed his weight because he was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and so had to change his diet. I am trying to not make a big deal or have a big reaction to these comments but am concerned I’m doing more harm than good. How do I reinforce body positivity when my daughter is comparing herself to the rest of the family? Being comfortable in my skin won’t help her here unfortunately.
Virginia, this is so helpful, but I was left with a similar question as Amy. This came up just last week, when I was watching my daughter's soccer practice with my 6-year-old son. He said, "Who is the fat girl in the green shirt?" His description was accurate and a reasonable way to differentiate the girl from the people around her, and from what you're describing in this newsletter, it sounds like it was appropriate. (And I did follow my answer to his question with a comment about how she was handling the ball really well.) But I would be embarrassed if the girl (or her parents) heard him describe her as a "fat girl," because I don't know how comfortable they are with this descriptor. How would you respond?
Hello and question for you! If we start using fat as a descriptor but then our kid says fat to someone else who views it as hurtful, what then? It seems like it's still incredibly tricky if not everyone we ever speak to is on board with this approach...I understand all of the reasons to still do it and explain the nuances of other people's relationship to the word to our kids, but when they are out in the world without us, it just seems...difficult.