This thread goes lives at 12pm. Full disclosure, I scheduled that before I realized we have kindergarten orientation at the same time! So discuss amongst yourselves and I will hop on around 2pm when we’re back from dropping off crayons and practicing the bus ride.
I was going to feel guilty about double booking this but if there is one thing I have learned from Angela and her work it is that we need to MAKE CARE WORK VISIBLE. And getting a not-quite-5-year-old ready for kindergarten is a huge, huge deal. So I know you’ll all get it that I’m focusing on that today… while also very much here to discuss Angela’s brilliance and how we continue to elevate care work in our conversations and consciousness.
Feel free to also share:
Any care work you need to make visible right now — even if people in your life aren’t seeing it, WE SEE YOU.
Suggestions for what we should read next!
And here’s the other Book Club intel you may want/need:
Who is invited? While we test out the whole book club concept over the summer, I’m making these threads open to everyone! Come September, this will be a perk for paid subscribers. (So hey, subscribe now and you’ll be on that list!)
Will there be spoilers? Probably yes but at least it’s non-fiction this time?
I tried to read it. I kept falling asleep. Not because it was boring. But because I’m exhausted. My kids all started back to school a few weeks ago. And the week after their first full week, I started back to school. (I’m going back to get college level music classes in part to tell my inner child that she really is good enough for this no matter what anyone says, and partly because I want to start a music program at the elementary school my kids are at.) Plus BTSN for both middle school and high school, band night, band uniform fitting night (those were separate) and my inbox suddenly filled with something like 45 emails a day from each school! (That’s probably an exaggeration but the amount of school and district emails I get is WAY out of hand!) And I’m toast. I want so bad to read it! I haven’t made it past the introduction but I’m going to keep plugging along with it. I guess it’s just going to take me longer. I was hoping the book club would give me motivation to get it done and not put off reading it. Alas, motivation created by having a deadline can’t give me more time or make me less tired!
Oh! I didn’t realize the chat was going to be live!! I thought it was like the Friday threads and we’d just comment as we could. Sorry to have missed it this time. I loved the book and the part about sex and pleasure made me think a lot about how little I’ve talked to my daughters (7 and 11) about pleasure. Putting that on my radar so I can find opportunities to talk more about it. And the way she talked about food made me feel even more committed to raising anti diet children!
I read Essential Labor when it came out! I haven’t reread it yet, though I am confident I will. When I read it at the time, I felt so incredibly bolstered and validated by what she wrote about the importance of caregiving and the work of raising children.
I’ve been struggling a lot, personally, with feeling fulfilled by the choices I’ve made, because of how society views those choices and how my own family does. There’s just a constant cacophony of opinions that are so hard to tune out. The choices I’m referring to (as a white person partnered with a white man who has a job in the tech world, with all the privilege that we have as a result to make such choices) are for me not to pursue employment for compensation, and instead to care for my kids uncompensated, as well as all that goes along with that.
I believe so deeply in the importance and dignity of maintenance work and maintenance workers. And I want for there to be some kind of societal recognition of this (in the form of capital, since that’s the way our society communicates worth). It felt so crushing to me to read “to ask capitalism to pay for care is to call for an end to capitalism” (p.45) because I cannot imagine the fall of American capitalism (and because I desperately want the cacophony to be silenced). And thus, I cannot see a future that truly values and celebrates maintenance work for the life-sustaining work that it is. The US, where I live, is built on stolen land, using stolen bodies and stolen labor. Of course the system as it is isn’t going to pay the price of its existence, because it could not continue to exist as it currently does.
It is challenging to think about parenting children who I truly do hope “know their own worth with such conviction that colonial and capitalist systems crumble in the face of their joyful and whole existence” (p.18) while advocating for a more just reality in a fundamentally unjust system. I really try and ground myself is this optimism, this conviction that by being with them as I choose to be, raising them as I do, I am chipping away in my own little corner at a present reality that denies the worth of this work while depending on it. But building the future through changing diapers, lessons in kindness and responsibility, and granting dignity to the beautiful nonsense of childhood is so slow as to sometimes make me forget it is just that.
I fear much of this is not nearly as organized nor coherent as I want it to be. But I suppose I am writing it while nursing the little one back to sleep. Caregiving is messy and does not lend to well-composed articulation. So thanks for bearing with me, as you have.
I realize I’m super late at this point. I just want to comment on the irony of having been super excited to finish this book and participate in the discussion only to do neither because my one year old is having A Week and has needed me nonstop for days.
Another quote from the chapter I referenced in my previous comment:
“Believing in the inherent value of your body—and yourself—is a tricky act in modern America, where we are expected to work a paid job in order to “earn a living.””
Whew! This is profound. I don’t think most of us in the U.S. understand how deeply and thoroughly this is embedded in our institutions, especially with respect to disability. It is purposely very difficult to qualify for government assistance on the basis of disability. The assessment is less about the extent of your disability than about your capacity for work.
Only about 1 of every 5 applicants is allowed. According to an SSDI examiner on Reddit, theprocess goes like this:
1. Are you making $980 a month or more? If so, you aren't disabled. If no, then go to 2.
2. Do you have a severe impairment? (Severe = limits in a significant way, even if just "claimant shouldn't be around unprotected heights.") If no, then you aren't disabled. If yes, go to 3.
3. Do you meet a listing? (Listings are existing categories of disability defined by the government.) If so, you are disabled. If not, then go to 4.
4. Do you have the capacity to do work you did in the past? If so, you are not disabled. If no, then go to 5.
5. Do you have the capacity to do other work? (If you are under 50, you will only be disabled at this point if you cannot do completely unskilled desk jobs.)
As you can imagine, it is very difficult to be so impaired you cannot do a completely unskilled desk job. But jobs like that exist.
Beatrice Adler-Bolton gives an excellent, if thoroughly enraging, explanation in her essay, “Fighting for disability benefits”, about her experience. It’s worth a read.
Essential Labor was on my To-Read list, and I moved it up so I could participate in this discussion. I’m not quite finished but I’ve read enough to talk about it.
I realized very quickly that I am not the target audience for this book. As a professor of Gender, Women’s, and Sexuality Studies, the ideas in this book are familiar to me. I’ve read much of the research Garbes cites. That it is NOT saying I don’t like or recommend the book. If I were still teaching, I’d assign it (or parts of it) in classes.
That said, the chapter on the intersections and overlap of aging and disability resonated most for me. (I am not a mother.) Some of the bits I highlighted:
“DISABILITY AND AGING HAVE A similar effect on us: they create bodies with varying capabilities, new limitations and possibilities.”
As a woman in her fifties with an acquired mobility disability, I have been feeling those limitations intensely. It’s been 3 years since I’ve ridden my bicycle and I miss it. (May tune it up and try some short rides when the temperature drops – we’ll see.) But this quote made me think about possibilities of my new lifestyle, something I had not considered. Earlier this year I picked up some crafty hobbies I had done in the past but neglected for years, if not decades. I’ve done a bit of crochet and have some plans on a back burner, and this spring I’ve gotten really into sewing again. I haven’t made clothing since my twenties; my sewing machine has been used only for alterations, mending, and masks. I’m finding I’m really enjoying the sewing, and learning new techniques to make my garments more sophisticated (French seams, anyone? New to me and loving it.) I’m also learning a lot about fitting clothing and adapting things to my body, which is one of the best moves I’ve ever made toward body liberation and self-love. I also have more patience for the whole endeavor these days.
Is all of this because of mobility limitations? Certainly not. Taking early retirement a year ago and having disposable income are arguably bigger factors. But it’s still useful for me to find ways to think about my disabilities beyond grief and loss.
I am reading Essential Labor now, so great timing.
Care Work I need affirmed more: breastfeeding a 15 month old, emotional labor of 1 toddler and 1 teenager(both of whom are sick w/ summer colds right now), and the countless hours of invisible admin labor I do- this week - researching vaccination schedules, which we got behind on, recipes for all the veggies I don't exactly adore in our weekly CSA box, social engagement scheduling, etc.
Book I'd love to read together:
Caliban and the Witch by Silvia Federici
The Dawn of Everything by David Graeber
Killing the Black Body by Dorothy Roberts
Sand Talk by Tyson Yunkaporta
Boys and Sex by Peggy Orenstein as well as her Girls and Sex book
I am so excited! I recently started hosting a yoga book club at a local studio and this is our read for September. Looking forward to how the conversation unfolds here. Thank you, Virginia!
I tried to read it. I kept falling asleep. Not because it was boring. But because I’m exhausted. My kids all started back to school a few weeks ago. And the week after their first full week, I started back to school. (I’m going back to get college level music classes in part to tell my inner child that she really is good enough for this no matter what anyone says, and partly because I want to start a music program at the elementary school my kids are at.) Plus BTSN for both middle school and high school, band night, band uniform fitting night (those were separate) and my inbox suddenly filled with something like 45 emails a day from each school! (That’s probably an exaggeration but the amount of school and district emails I get is WAY out of hand!) And I’m toast. I want so bad to read it! I haven’t made it past the introduction but I’m going to keep plugging along with it. I guess it’s just going to take me longer. I was hoping the book club would give me motivation to get it done and not put off reading it. Alas, motivation created by having a deadline can’t give me more time or make me less tired!
Oh! I didn’t realize the chat was going to be live!! I thought it was like the Friday threads and we’d just comment as we could. Sorry to have missed it this time. I loved the book and the part about sex and pleasure made me think a lot about how little I’ve talked to my daughters (7 and 11) about pleasure. Putting that on my radar so I can find opportunities to talk more about it. And the way she talked about food made me feel even more committed to raising anti diet children!
I read Essential Labor when it came out! I haven’t reread it yet, though I am confident I will. When I read it at the time, I felt so incredibly bolstered and validated by what she wrote about the importance of caregiving and the work of raising children.
I’ve been struggling a lot, personally, with feeling fulfilled by the choices I’ve made, because of how society views those choices and how my own family does. There’s just a constant cacophony of opinions that are so hard to tune out. The choices I’m referring to (as a white person partnered with a white man who has a job in the tech world, with all the privilege that we have as a result to make such choices) are for me not to pursue employment for compensation, and instead to care for my kids uncompensated, as well as all that goes along with that.
I believe so deeply in the importance and dignity of maintenance work and maintenance workers. And I want for there to be some kind of societal recognition of this (in the form of capital, since that’s the way our society communicates worth). It felt so crushing to me to read “to ask capitalism to pay for care is to call for an end to capitalism” (p.45) because I cannot imagine the fall of American capitalism (and because I desperately want the cacophony to be silenced). And thus, I cannot see a future that truly values and celebrates maintenance work for the life-sustaining work that it is. The US, where I live, is built on stolen land, using stolen bodies and stolen labor. Of course the system as it is isn’t going to pay the price of its existence, because it could not continue to exist as it currently does.
It is challenging to think about parenting children who I truly do hope “know their own worth with such conviction that colonial and capitalist systems crumble in the face of their joyful and whole existence” (p.18) while advocating for a more just reality in a fundamentally unjust system. I really try and ground myself is this optimism, this conviction that by being with them as I choose to be, raising them as I do, I am chipping away in my own little corner at a present reality that denies the worth of this work while depending on it. But building the future through changing diapers, lessons in kindness and responsibility, and granting dignity to the beautiful nonsense of childhood is so slow as to sometimes make me forget it is just that.
I fear much of this is not nearly as organized nor coherent as I want it to be. But I suppose I am writing it while nursing the little one back to sleep. Caregiving is messy and does not lend to well-composed articulation. So thanks for bearing with me, as you have.
I realize I’m super late at this point. I just want to comment on the irony of having been super excited to finish this book and participate in the discussion only to do neither because my one year old is having A Week and has needed me nonstop for days.
Another quote from the chapter I referenced in my previous comment:
“Believing in the inherent value of your body—and yourself—is a tricky act in modern America, where we are expected to work a paid job in order to “earn a living.””
Whew! This is profound. I don’t think most of us in the U.S. understand how deeply and thoroughly this is embedded in our institutions, especially with respect to disability. It is purposely very difficult to qualify for government assistance on the basis of disability. The assessment is less about the extent of your disability than about your capacity for work.
Only about 1 of every 5 applicants is allowed. According to an SSDI examiner on Reddit, theprocess goes like this:
1. Are you making $980 a month or more? If so, you aren't disabled. If no, then go to 2.
2. Do you have a severe impairment? (Severe = limits in a significant way, even if just "claimant shouldn't be around unprotected heights.") If no, then you aren't disabled. If yes, go to 3.
3. Do you meet a listing? (Listings are existing categories of disability defined by the government.) If so, you are disabled. If not, then go to 4.
4. Do you have the capacity to do work you did in the past? If so, you are not disabled. If no, then go to 5.
5. Do you have the capacity to do other work? (If you are under 50, you will only be disabled at this point if you cannot do completely unskilled desk jobs.)
As you can imagine, it is very difficult to be so impaired you cannot do a completely unskilled desk job. But jobs like that exist.
Beatrice Adler-Bolton gives an excellent, if thoroughly enraging, explanation in her essay, “Fighting for disability benefits”, about her experience. It’s worth a read.
https://www.sicknote.co/p/guest-post-fighting-for-disability
Back from kindergarten orientation nobody (related to me) cried! Here for more chatting whenever it works for folks.
Essential Labor was on my To-Read list, and I moved it up so I could participate in this discussion. I’m not quite finished but I’ve read enough to talk about it.
I realized very quickly that I am not the target audience for this book. As a professor of Gender, Women’s, and Sexuality Studies, the ideas in this book are familiar to me. I’ve read much of the research Garbes cites. That it is NOT saying I don’t like or recommend the book. If I were still teaching, I’d assign it (or parts of it) in classes.
That said, the chapter on the intersections and overlap of aging and disability resonated most for me. (I am not a mother.) Some of the bits I highlighted:
“DISABILITY AND AGING HAVE A similar effect on us: they create bodies with varying capabilities, new limitations and possibilities.”
As a woman in her fifties with an acquired mobility disability, I have been feeling those limitations intensely. It’s been 3 years since I’ve ridden my bicycle and I miss it. (May tune it up and try some short rides when the temperature drops – we’ll see.) But this quote made me think about possibilities of my new lifestyle, something I had not considered. Earlier this year I picked up some crafty hobbies I had done in the past but neglected for years, if not decades. I’ve done a bit of crochet and have some plans on a back burner, and this spring I’ve gotten really into sewing again. I haven’t made clothing since my twenties; my sewing machine has been used only for alterations, mending, and masks. I’m finding I’m really enjoying the sewing, and learning new techniques to make my garments more sophisticated (French seams, anyone? New to me and loving it.) I’m also learning a lot about fitting clothing and adapting things to my body, which is one of the best moves I’ve ever made toward body liberation and self-love. I also have more patience for the whole endeavor these days.
Is all of this because of mobility limitations? Certainly not. Taking early retirement a year ago and having disposable income are arguably bigger factors. But it’s still useful for me to find ways to think about my disabilities beyond grief and loss.
Synchronicity! This is my Society of Feminist Mothers' book club read this month.
I am reading Essential Labor now, so great timing.
Care Work I need affirmed more: breastfeeding a 15 month old, emotional labor of 1 toddler and 1 teenager(both of whom are sick w/ summer colds right now), and the countless hours of invisible admin labor I do- this week - researching vaccination schedules, which we got behind on, recipes for all the veggies I don't exactly adore in our weekly CSA box, social engagement scheduling, etc.
Book I'd love to read together:
Caliban and the Witch by Silvia Federici
The Dawn of Everything by David Graeber
Killing the Black Body by Dorothy Roberts
Sand Talk by Tyson Yunkaporta
Boys and Sex by Peggy Orenstein as well as her Girls and Sex book
Come as You Are- Emily Nagoski
I am so excited! I recently started hosting a yoga book club at a local studio and this is our read for September. Looking forward to how the conversation unfolds here. Thank you, Virginia!