Dec 8, 2022Liked by Corinne Fay, Virginia Sole-Smith
Long haul travel with kid! This is my expert subject! (These hints also apply to adults, by the way.) Backpack so they can carry their own stuff, and can get into it while seated, nothing overhead. Comfiest clothing - soft shirt, leggings, fuzzy socks, easy to remove shoes, bring a layer because airplane temps can vary wildly, kid size neck pillow. When my daughter was little, I would get her a new set of crayons/pencils and a blank notebook to draw and write in (or a new book to read -- the novelty is part of the fun; in this case, maybe a book or a language guide to get them excited about your destination). The seatback entertainment is your best friend (you can check what's showing on the airline's website prior to your trip); if not available then whatever device loaded with favorite shows/movies, gaming device if you use those, also comfy headphones for sound and helping with droning plane noise on a long flight. SNACKS! SNACKS! Airline food is barely palatable to adults, I don't know that I've ever gotten my kid to eat a full meal on a plane. Whatever they love that you can get through security, and even maybe an overpriced thing you find at the airport store for fun. Planes are dry and smelly, so I bring my favorite gently scented lip balm/hand cream/hand sanitizer. (I also use it as an opportunity to apply all the greasy skin care that I don't need at home in Florida, so bring your samples!) Wet wipes/clothing change/ziploc bag/kid medicine, in case of motion sickness. Look at airport maps and find the bathrooms! Jet lag is real and horrible, so plan your first couple days accordingly. Give yourself lots of extra time to get anywhere (especially through the airport, kid legs are short and concourses are loooooooooooong). Basically, like my favorite epidemiologist Dr William Hanage (this is 2022, we all have one now, right?) said on NPR before the pandemic: Don't panic, do prepare.
Seconding the rec for the subreddit A Bra That Fits, though with the cautionary note that it is VERY easy to get deep in the weeds with jargon and measurements when you’re just looking for a place to start trying on new brands (plus pricey). One of my friends has actually started making her own bras after years of being fed up with bras that sort of fit but didn’t really and I’m amazed at her whenever she posts pictures of them.
Re: picky eating comments, my brother is really good at expressing solidarity with his niece when people comment on her eating habits, which she’s now old enough to basically thank him for. Usually it’s just something simple like, yeah I’m picky too (which is true-ish) or I didn’t like to try new things either. Poor kid had severe allergies as a baby/toddler that she’s grown out of, but her early experiences of food were so limited and laced with fear, it’s no wonder she’s dubious about food.
Dec 8, 2022Liked by Corinne Fay, Virginia Sole-Smith
I just got myself the Kanda coat from Universal Standard when it was 40% off, and it is the most amazing coat ever. It's like a wrap configuration with a long tie that is SO much easier to manage when wearing thick gloves, and it offers a lot of flexible sizing for if I am wearing more or fewer layers on a given day. And it has a plush, cozy shawl collar. It is the coat of my dreams, and I can't stop singing its praises. I have had to wear bad, ugly winter coats for so long, but no more!
OMG winter coats. Virginia, your original post led me to try the J Crew coat myself and it was not right for me (didn't fit me quite right at 3X and I also wanted something with a hood). Then I went on a tear and ordered 3 coats from Eddie Bauer, 3 from Columbia Sportswear, and 1 from Athleta. I ended up keeping the Whisper Featherless Parka from Athleta and the Powder Lite Hybrid Hooded Jacket from Columbia. I think those were the only two that fit, maybe one other but I didn't like the style. Coats will fit everywhere else and be too tight across the belly. And it seems like though I wear a 2x/22-24 in everything else, I have to get a 3X in coats and they still often don't fit.
I feel fortunate that I have the means and patience to front the cost of all these coats and the costs of the returns (which, when I thought about it, with gas prices these days, $6 or $7 for return shipping is about the same as the cost to drive to the mall, even if the mall did have my size).
For those looking for lightweight packable non-down, I ADORE my LL Bean Primaloft Packaway Hooded Jacket but it no longer fits my current body. It is available in Petite, Regular, and Plus 1X-3X.
Dec 8, 2022Liked by Corinne Fay, Virginia Sole-Smith
I was raised vegetarian (and I’m still a vegetarian) for purely ethical/philosophical reasons. For anyone unacquainted, the battle between “health” vegetarians and philosophical/religious vegetarians can be fierce! I have deep nostalgia feelings for certain fake meat foods. Morning Star sausage--the best!! I share the apathy to new fake meat products (although I honestly prefer vegan butter to real butter because it’s what I grew up with). Also, the smell of 80’s/90’s “health food” stores relaxes me in an instant 😂
Dec 8, 2022Liked by Corinne Fay, Virginia Sole-Smith
Re: crowd sourcing bra science
I did my part for wireless bras. I copied and pasted my comments below from a previous discussion on Burnt Toast (with an addition).
Davy Piper makes several styles of wireless bras that are both comfortable and provide support, and at a reasonable price point. I have a couple of the ‘Nellie’ and ‘Grace’ styles. Their styles are offered in regular and ‘busty’ sizes, helpful for those of us in the small band, large cup sizes.
I’ve also found MINDD bras to be pretty comfy, and a bit cuter, but they’re much more expensive. Same with Cosabella; their ‘Never Say Never’ Ultra busty bralettes are very pretty (lots of lace) and probably the most supportive bralette I’ve worn. They’re also kind of expensive, so watch for sales at Bare Necessities and/or discontinued colors at Cosabella’s site. I have three of these, all purchased at discount. (I don’t care much about color.) I just recently bought a couple more MINDD bras, with coupon code and discounts on certain colors.
Evelyn & Bobbie bras are also very supportive. I’ve only worn the Defy style (pullover) because I prefer to minimize potential skin irritants like closures. The first few wearings will be tight, to the point you’ll think maybe you need a bigger size, then it seems to stretch or warm up or something and fit well. E&B are especially good for wearing with T-shirts because of the support and because the straps are so wide they show with many other styles. They’re expensive, though, and rarely go on sale.
I’ve also found a couple of the bras at TomboyX to work well for me, and they’re the best bargain. TomboyX styles vary, and some just don’t work for my size range. Their bras are all between $25 and $40, if memory serves, so maybe worth trying. They’ve been good about returns.
I haven’t worn an underwire bra in several years, and I measure out as 34J, so I’ve tried a lot of brands and styles!
These long haul tips are great. One that I found helpful, especially for younger kids, is to go to the dollar store and buy a bunch of tiny toys, and then once you're on the flight, unveil a new one every 30 minutes or so. (Obviously not for the entire flight, but for When You Need It, between movies/meals/hopeful sleep.) This saved us on an international flight with a 3 year old.
Dec 8, 2022Liked by Corinne Fay, Virginia Sole-Smith
iPhones have a setting now where you can tell it to remove certain photos from “features” and it won’t show you those jarring photos you don’t need or want to see anymore. It’s been really helpful for me!
UGH COATS. I need to vent about this exact subject. I’m trying to find one of those very lightweight “packable” ones that doesn’t feel so bulky, I recently got my son one from Lands End, but for women the options seem to have disappeared. I’m allergic to feathers, so that adds another layer of impossibility to this search, because all the lightweight women’s coats on Lands End are down. I seem to need a bigger size in coats than in most other garments because they’re so bulky and restrictive. So yesterday I had an experience at Kohl’s that made me so angry. They had a whole rack of lightweight jackets from some cheap brand in a whole range of colors, that went up to 3x, and with a sweater on I found the 1x a bit tight and the 2x a bit too big, but the big sign at the top of the rack said “$29.99” and I hadn’t found any other viable options so I was about to buy two of them. But then they ring up as $49.99 each. So the checkout girl reluctantly summons a store manager to investigate, and the manager and I go back to the rack and it turns out there’s a smaller sign that I didn’t see, that says the VEST is $29.99. There were no vests on this rack, just jackets. The vest was apparently sold out. So then the jacket in straight sizes is $39.99, and the plus ones are $49.99. Nnnnrrgghhh! Meanwhile I have a standing beef with Kohl’s based on their standard approach to pricing, which is so insulting and tiresome, where everything is always “on sale” and the tag says some absurdly jacked-up price that no one in history has ever paid for the item. So on top of that they’re being deceptive about what actually costs $29.99, AND to add further insult to injury, the plus size one costs more. So I just walked out of there without buying anything. I may decide never to darken their doorway again. And it’s back to square one. I REALLY want to shop in person for coats. I can’t tell whether a coat will work for me unless I try it on. So I’m steeling myself for a lot of time spent at the post office very soon (right in time for Christmas, wheee.)
Dec 8, 2022Liked by Corinne Fay, Virginia Sole-Smith
For the person who asked about the office food thing - a different angle on that is if you actually don't want to eat the food, for whatever reason.
In my office days (I'm fully WFH now), there was like this insane pressure to eat whatever was in the kitchen. Like people running down the hallway and saying "there's sandwiches in the kitchen" and then standing over my desk expectantly until I got up. But you know what? I didn't always want the sandwich. Not because of a diet or whatever, but just listening to my body wasn't hungry or was really looking forward to the lunch I already had planned or whatever it was.
No response I ever came up with was good enough for the food pushers. "Thanks, I'm not hungry" or "Thanks, I just ate" would sometimes work, but it's like they couldn't understand that I wouldn't want the free food.
So I think it's also important to just not feel that pressure to eat what you don't want to eat, and then also to allow yourself to eat what you do and not feel the pressure of someone watching you eat your third cookie if that's what your body wants. It seems so weird that our coworkers are policing our food in this way.
2. This year I bought some coats at Ulla Popken (online) that I have been pretty happy with. I wear a 5X and live in the PNW so winter = cold rain. Water-resistant doesn't cut it and the classic outdoor coat brands (Columbia, LL Bean, Eddie Bauer, Patagonia, etc.) cut off at a 3X for women. Alder Apparel had a great raincoat briefly but they don't make it anymore and I think their larger sizes run small anyway. Ulla Popken has some great coat options, some of which are waterproof.
Not able to read through and see if anyone else commented this. But I had an “eek!!” moment to “ban fake butter.” I know it’s not a serious takedown of fake butter, and that fake meat is flawed in many ways. But I really love having both available in my life. My current nuclear family keeps a strictly kosher home, and we get to live vicariously by having margarine (hello pie crust with meat inside) or fake meat (allows us to eat umami protein with a greater frequency, and is also much more affordable). They’re also *super* helpful to have around as a way to meet in the middle with family who don’t keep kosher but with whom we want to share a meal without needing to have meat (also, hello separate set of cookware), assuming we could source kosher meat wherever we are which isn’t a given, or without making them go *so* far out of their comfort zone.
Anyways, sharing this little bit about how significant it was in American Jewish history to have an engineered non-animal based fat (one Rabbi reportedly said that Jews had been waiting for Crisco 4,000 years): https://mjhnyc.org/blog/crisco-and-the-jewish-american-cook/
Oh I’m so curious which brand your friend sent you! It seems like Fashion Brand Company is truly size inclusive but I can’t tell for sure.
Travel tip: leave room in a bag to bring back all of the snacks you buy at 7-Eleven. They obviously have stuff not readily available in the US and it makes great souvenirs. I recommend milk tablets, malt tablets, and all the Kit Kat flavors. Also I hope you like Christmas lights and music because Thailand goes NUTS for that stuff at Christmas.
Travel to Asia - not kid related (as I'm not a mom) but plus size related if you've never been - it's important to not forget anything when you pack because it is basically impossible to get anything plus size when you're there. And I'm the queen of forgetting that one thing. I've never been to Thailand but to Vietnam, Korea, China, and Japan and I had forgotten a sweater or wanted more underwear or anything I would have been out of luck as a size 18. And you have relatives there who probably passed this on, but I also basically traveled with a CVS because OTC drugs and toiletries are also a different world. (Although getting toiletries there is fun!)
Bras - I submitted that Q! Thanks for addressing it. A Bra That Fits changed my life this summer with its measuring technique but oof, it's not easy to navigate and it's often confusing. And I will put in a plug for the Tomboy X wireless bras as someone who has never successfully worn wireless bras. Dreamy.
Long haul travel with kid! This is my expert subject! (These hints also apply to adults, by the way.) Backpack so they can carry their own stuff, and can get into it while seated, nothing overhead. Comfiest clothing - soft shirt, leggings, fuzzy socks, easy to remove shoes, bring a layer because airplane temps can vary wildly, kid size neck pillow. When my daughter was little, I would get her a new set of crayons/pencils and a blank notebook to draw and write in (or a new book to read -- the novelty is part of the fun; in this case, maybe a book or a language guide to get them excited about your destination). The seatback entertainment is your best friend (you can check what's showing on the airline's website prior to your trip); if not available then whatever device loaded with favorite shows/movies, gaming device if you use those, also comfy headphones for sound and helping with droning plane noise on a long flight. SNACKS! SNACKS! Airline food is barely palatable to adults, I don't know that I've ever gotten my kid to eat a full meal on a plane. Whatever they love that you can get through security, and even maybe an overpriced thing you find at the airport store for fun. Planes are dry and smelly, so I bring my favorite gently scented lip balm/hand cream/hand sanitizer. (I also use it as an opportunity to apply all the greasy skin care that I don't need at home in Florida, so bring your samples!) Wet wipes/clothing change/ziploc bag/kid medicine, in case of motion sickness. Look at airport maps and find the bathrooms! Jet lag is real and horrible, so plan your first couple days accordingly. Give yourself lots of extra time to get anywhere (especially through the airport, kid legs are short and concourses are loooooooooooong). Basically, like my favorite epidemiologist Dr William Hanage (this is 2022, we all have one now, right?) said on NPR before the pandemic: Don't panic, do prepare.
Seconding the rec for the subreddit A Bra That Fits, though with the cautionary note that it is VERY easy to get deep in the weeds with jargon and measurements when you’re just looking for a place to start trying on new brands (plus pricey). One of my friends has actually started making her own bras after years of being fed up with bras that sort of fit but didn’t really and I’m amazed at her whenever she posts pictures of them.
Re: picky eating comments, my brother is really good at expressing solidarity with his niece when people comment on her eating habits, which she’s now old enough to basically thank him for. Usually it’s just something simple like, yeah I’m picky too (which is true-ish) or I didn’t like to try new things either. Poor kid had severe allergies as a baby/toddler that she’s grown out of, but her early experiences of food were so limited and laced with fear, it’s no wonder she’s dubious about food.
This Time Tomorrow was SO GOOD!!!!!
I just got myself the Kanda coat from Universal Standard when it was 40% off, and it is the most amazing coat ever. It's like a wrap configuration with a long tie that is SO much easier to manage when wearing thick gloves, and it offers a lot of flexible sizing for if I am wearing more or fewer layers on a given day. And it has a plush, cozy shawl collar. It is the coat of my dreams, and I can't stop singing its praises. I have had to wear bad, ugly winter coats for so long, but no more!
OMG winter coats. Virginia, your original post led me to try the J Crew coat myself and it was not right for me (didn't fit me quite right at 3X and I also wanted something with a hood). Then I went on a tear and ordered 3 coats from Eddie Bauer, 3 from Columbia Sportswear, and 1 from Athleta. I ended up keeping the Whisper Featherless Parka from Athleta and the Powder Lite Hybrid Hooded Jacket from Columbia. I think those were the only two that fit, maybe one other but I didn't like the style. Coats will fit everywhere else and be too tight across the belly. And it seems like though I wear a 2x/22-24 in everything else, I have to get a 3X in coats and they still often don't fit.
I feel fortunate that I have the means and patience to front the cost of all these coats and the costs of the returns (which, when I thought about it, with gas prices these days, $6 or $7 for return shipping is about the same as the cost to drive to the mall, even if the mall did have my size).
For those looking for lightweight packable non-down, I ADORE my LL Bean Primaloft Packaway Hooded Jacket but it no longer fits my current body. It is available in Petite, Regular, and Plus 1X-3X.
I was raised vegetarian (and I’m still a vegetarian) for purely ethical/philosophical reasons. For anyone unacquainted, the battle between “health” vegetarians and philosophical/religious vegetarians can be fierce! I have deep nostalgia feelings for certain fake meat foods. Morning Star sausage--the best!! I share the apathy to new fake meat products (although I honestly prefer vegan butter to real butter because it’s what I grew up with). Also, the smell of 80’s/90’s “health food” stores relaxes me in an instant 😂
Re: crowd sourcing bra science
I did my part for wireless bras. I copied and pasted my comments below from a previous discussion on Burnt Toast (with an addition).
Davy Piper makes several styles of wireless bras that are both comfortable and provide support, and at a reasonable price point. I have a couple of the ‘Nellie’ and ‘Grace’ styles. Their styles are offered in regular and ‘busty’ sizes, helpful for those of us in the small band, large cup sizes.
I’ve also found MINDD bras to be pretty comfy, and a bit cuter, but they’re much more expensive. Same with Cosabella; their ‘Never Say Never’ Ultra busty bralettes are very pretty (lots of lace) and probably the most supportive bralette I’ve worn. They’re also kind of expensive, so watch for sales at Bare Necessities and/or discontinued colors at Cosabella’s site. I have three of these, all purchased at discount. (I don’t care much about color.) I just recently bought a couple more MINDD bras, with coupon code and discounts on certain colors.
Evelyn & Bobbie bras are also very supportive. I’ve only worn the Defy style (pullover) because I prefer to minimize potential skin irritants like closures. The first few wearings will be tight, to the point you’ll think maybe you need a bigger size, then it seems to stretch or warm up or something and fit well. E&B are especially good for wearing with T-shirts because of the support and because the straps are so wide they show with many other styles. They’re expensive, though, and rarely go on sale.
I’ve also found a couple of the bras at TomboyX to work well for me, and they’re the best bargain. TomboyX styles vary, and some just don’t work for my size range. Their bras are all between $25 and $40, if memory serves, so maybe worth trying. They’ve been good about returns.
I haven’t worn an underwire bra in several years, and I measure out as 34J, so I’ve tried a lot of brands and styles!
These long haul tips are great. One that I found helpful, especially for younger kids, is to go to the dollar store and buy a bunch of tiny toys, and then once you're on the flight, unveil a new one every 30 minutes or so. (Obviously not for the entire flight, but for When You Need It, between movies/meals/hopeful sleep.) This saved us on an international flight with a 3 year old.
iPhones have a setting now where you can tell it to remove certain photos from “features” and it won’t show you those jarring photos you don’t need or want to see anymore. It’s been really helpful for me!
UGH COATS. I need to vent about this exact subject. I’m trying to find one of those very lightweight “packable” ones that doesn’t feel so bulky, I recently got my son one from Lands End, but for women the options seem to have disappeared. I’m allergic to feathers, so that adds another layer of impossibility to this search, because all the lightweight women’s coats on Lands End are down. I seem to need a bigger size in coats than in most other garments because they’re so bulky and restrictive. So yesterday I had an experience at Kohl’s that made me so angry. They had a whole rack of lightweight jackets from some cheap brand in a whole range of colors, that went up to 3x, and with a sweater on I found the 1x a bit tight and the 2x a bit too big, but the big sign at the top of the rack said “$29.99” and I hadn’t found any other viable options so I was about to buy two of them. But then they ring up as $49.99 each. So the checkout girl reluctantly summons a store manager to investigate, and the manager and I go back to the rack and it turns out there’s a smaller sign that I didn’t see, that says the VEST is $29.99. There were no vests on this rack, just jackets. The vest was apparently sold out. So then the jacket in straight sizes is $39.99, and the plus ones are $49.99. Nnnnrrgghhh! Meanwhile I have a standing beef with Kohl’s based on their standard approach to pricing, which is so insulting and tiresome, where everything is always “on sale” and the tag says some absurdly jacked-up price that no one in history has ever paid for the item. So on top of that they’re being deceptive about what actually costs $29.99, AND to add further insult to injury, the plus size one costs more. So I just walked out of there without buying anything. I may decide never to darken their doorway again. And it’s back to square one. I REALLY want to shop in person for coats. I can’t tell whether a coat will work for me unless I try it on. So I’m steeling myself for a lot of time spent at the post office very soon (right in time for Christmas, wheee.)
For the person who asked about the office food thing - a different angle on that is if you actually don't want to eat the food, for whatever reason.
In my office days (I'm fully WFH now), there was like this insane pressure to eat whatever was in the kitchen. Like people running down the hallway and saying "there's sandwiches in the kitchen" and then standing over my desk expectantly until I got up. But you know what? I didn't always want the sandwich. Not because of a diet or whatever, but just listening to my body wasn't hungry or was really looking forward to the lunch I already had planned or whatever it was.
No response I ever came up with was good enough for the food pushers. "Thanks, I'm not hungry" or "Thanks, I just ate" would sometimes work, but it's like they couldn't understand that I wouldn't want the free food.
So I think it's also important to just not feel that pressure to eat what you don't want to eat, and then also to allow yourself to eat what you do and not feel the pressure of someone watching you eat your third cookie if that's what your body wants. It seems so weird that our coworkers are policing our food in this way.
1. Derry Girls is fantastic!
2. This year I bought some coats at Ulla Popken (online) that I have been pretty happy with. I wear a 5X and live in the PNW so winter = cold rain. Water-resistant doesn't cut it and the classic outdoor coat brands (Columbia, LL Bean, Eddie Bauer, Patagonia, etc.) cut off at a 3X for women. Alder Apparel had a great raincoat briefly but they don't make it anymore and I think their larger sizes run small anyway. Ulla Popken has some great coat options, some of which are waterproof.
The Old Navy fleece-lined leggings are great! I have three pairs. Let me get a link, brb
Not able to read through and see if anyone else commented this. But I had an “eek!!” moment to “ban fake butter.” I know it’s not a serious takedown of fake butter, and that fake meat is flawed in many ways. But I really love having both available in my life. My current nuclear family keeps a strictly kosher home, and we get to live vicariously by having margarine (hello pie crust with meat inside) or fake meat (allows us to eat umami protein with a greater frequency, and is also much more affordable). They’re also *super* helpful to have around as a way to meet in the middle with family who don’t keep kosher but with whom we want to share a meal without needing to have meat (also, hello separate set of cookware), assuming we could source kosher meat wherever we are which isn’t a given, or without making them go *so* far out of their comfort zone.
Anyways, sharing this little bit about how significant it was in American Jewish history to have an engineered non-animal based fat (one Rabbi reportedly said that Jews had been waiting for Crisco 4,000 years): https://mjhnyc.org/blog/crisco-and-the-jewish-american-cook/
Thanks for coming to my shpiel.
Oh I’m so curious which brand your friend sent you! It seems like Fashion Brand Company is truly size inclusive but I can’t tell for sure.
Travel tip: leave room in a bag to bring back all of the snacks you buy at 7-Eleven. They obviously have stuff not readily available in the US and it makes great souvenirs. I recommend milk tablets, malt tablets, and all the Kit Kat flavors. Also I hope you like Christmas lights and music because Thailand goes NUTS for that stuff at Christmas.
Travel to Asia - not kid related (as I'm not a mom) but plus size related if you've never been - it's important to not forget anything when you pack because it is basically impossible to get anything plus size when you're there. And I'm the queen of forgetting that one thing. I've never been to Thailand but to Vietnam, Korea, China, and Japan and I had forgotten a sweater or wanted more underwear or anything I would have been out of luck as a size 18. And you have relatives there who probably passed this on, but I also basically traveled with a CVS because OTC drugs and toiletries are also a different world. (Although getting toiletries there is fun!)
Bras - I submitted that Q! Thanks for addressing it. A Bra That Fits changed my life this summer with its measuring technique but oof, it's not easy to navigate and it's often confusing. And I will put in a plug for the Tomboy X wireless bras as someone who has never successfully worn wireless bras. Dreamy.