Incredible resource here! Bookmarking it to share with others who are just ditching Noom or letting themselves bask in the glory of guilt free cracker snacking. 🫶
I’d also love to toss some love to anyone who’s neurodiverse (or perhaps doesn’t know it) and who assumes they’re just lazy or not disciplined enough. I grew up in a home where my parents’ special interests are religion and dieting. Like a lot of what Virginia points out above, the weight never stayed off. And it perpetuated massive levels of shame piled onto all the masking habits I carried socially and relationally. I have read in a lot of “literature” that Autistic people are lazy or exercise resistant and it’s wholly cast as yet another deficiency or human failure. (And I believed this for many years!)
Here’s the thing though: If you’re neurodiverse, many things about the world are intrinsically confusing and I’d argue, even unavoidably traumatizing. How exercise feels to others, could feel like walking into a war zone for your body. If you’re still masking 8-9 hours a day at a desk job that your body dreads every morning, good luck having any energy to find food that tastes good and satisfies you, let alone, at the end of the day to get any sort of movement in. (My days in a 9-to-5 were drenched in inner chaos I had to hide from others, sneaking food or Starbucks runs and then starving myself later.) Here’s what I didn’t have language to describe, though: I lived in burnout as a default, and then on top of it, I was cast as a problematic person or just plain lazy if I was not also thin from d*eting all the time.
It took a lot of trial and error to realize my body *was* on my side when I try to run (and it starts dropping into a panic attack from sweat and elevated heart rate)—running intrinsically sets off lots of alarm bells in my system. And it doesn’t mean you or I are lazy because we don’t “just push through” the panic attack. (Jfc just typing that sentence makes me angry!) Eating yummy food (when I was off my d*et) was literally the only time in my day where I wasn’t masking and could feel OKish for 8-10 minutes of my day.
TLDR: If you’re neurodiverse and learning how to unmask, or only mask in ways that serve you, there’s room for you to feel good inside your body just as you are. This isn’t another social rule you just can’t seem to get the hang of. You’re doing fine, things can feel better, and we want you here. 🫶
Thank you for saying this so beautifully! I really relate to this and also appreciate you put into words how “laziness” is burnout that I never had before, even after reading Devon Price’s works that touch on this.
I used to think it was “just” dealing with weight stigma that made it difficult for me to feel in my body or connected to my peers, but now I can see how much of that was also the constant masking (and the repercussions from allistic people when I didn’t). I have some privilege now in that I work from home and have friendships with people who I can be myself with, which makes it easier for me to shrug off less frequent negative experiences with people due to their anti-fatness or from neurotypical folks finding something off about me.
Oh wow, thank you for this. I'm just beginning to understand my own neurodiversity and how masking has damaged and saved me, but I hadn't even considered the body part of all of that. WOW wow wow, this is going to be something for me to unpack and I'm so grateful to you for sharing this.
The tremendously wonderful news is that you’re in this space, which is intrinsically designed to not ask you to mask. My general experience has been that folks here 100% trust that your body knows what it needs, and everyone respects what rises up for you around food, movement, being in the world.
Even without knowing I was Autistic, intuitive eating laid the groundwork for me to eventually walk into being diagnosed, asking for accommodations (in the broader world) and not feeling like everything I do, how I react is “wrong.”
I've been doing anti-diet work for almost 10 years, so the fact that I DIDN'T connect my recent autism realization to my body/diet stuff is really a head-scratcher, lol. Believe me, you gave me plenty, though. I have my therapist for the rest.
Thanks so much for this Virginia. Even though these ideas are familiar to me, it’s really great to know this information is here in one place if I ever need a resource to defend my position.
Thank you for these guides- amazing to have a resource to send to folks when the “what abouts” start coming up.
I would love to see a guide on all the sugar/hyperactivity/obsession stuff. Just visited some friends with a toddler who have a huge blind spot for restricting sugar even though they’re on board with a lot of other anti-diet concepts, and I wanted to just put on the MP episode about it in the car, haha! Appreciate your labor compiling all this for us!
Comment on Guide: thank you! Fabulous resource. So appreciate this new effort on yalls part. It’s helping me synthesize and apply my knowledge and newly articulated beliefs. Application is essential because of the level of suffering around this issue. It’s everywhere.
Comment on comments: as the wife and mother of Neurodiverse men, I so appreciate the input from Amanda. 🙏♥️
Jun 27, 2023·edited Jun 27, 2023Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith
This is great, and I can't wait for more guides! Thank you so much!
For future guides, I'm wondering if you might address (you probably have) the chemicals food companies put in food, especially in the U.S., to trick our brains into thinking we're not full. My brother (who is also an intermittent faster, so this could all be off and I'd love your thoughts) keeps asking me about this. It's his "what about"?
This is a wonderful resource. Though I consider myself pretty well versed in these topics, I still find it helpful to read how others present these topics, and, frankly, don't always have the energy to tackle unpacking it all, so I'll definitely be saving this to share with folks who need a guide just like this. Thank you!
Jun 27, 2023Liked by Virginia Sole-Smith, Corinne Fay
So appreciate this addition! I came this fairly early (I think “Fat! So?” was my introduction) but I haven’t really actively engaged in a long time. And I sometimes struggle with how to introduce the concepts when I’m trying to explain my position to others. This came up just recently because one of my best friends has started Wegovy (because her doctor says she’s pre-pre-diabetic -- not a typo) and wants to talk about it endlessly. I had to have a tough frank conversation with her about what I will and won’t engage in with her for my own mental health. I realized before that she has a lot of morality based assumptions about weight and weight loss and I can see we’ll probably end up engaging in some 101 discussions -- this will be a very helpful resource.
OG here. The Guides are a brilliant idea, and this first one is fantastic. This will be a go to resource (like Ragen) when I am talking with newbies. And as I am a therapist, that tends to happen a lot.
need a guide on resources for Men and boys. In particular I need go-to's for newbies from different generations. Trying to introduce this work to a 60 y/o encounters a different set of preconceptions or generational biases than a 35 y/o or a 17 y/o, etc. For starters they all have different enculturation about gender roles.
Incredible resource here! Bookmarking it to share with others who are just ditching Noom or letting themselves bask in the glory of guilt free cracker snacking. 🫶
I’d also love to toss some love to anyone who’s neurodiverse (or perhaps doesn’t know it) and who assumes they’re just lazy or not disciplined enough. I grew up in a home where my parents’ special interests are religion and dieting. Like a lot of what Virginia points out above, the weight never stayed off. And it perpetuated massive levels of shame piled onto all the masking habits I carried socially and relationally. I have read in a lot of “literature” that Autistic people are lazy or exercise resistant and it’s wholly cast as yet another deficiency or human failure. (And I believed this for many years!)
Here’s the thing though: If you’re neurodiverse, many things about the world are intrinsically confusing and I’d argue, even unavoidably traumatizing. How exercise feels to others, could feel like walking into a war zone for your body. If you’re still masking 8-9 hours a day at a desk job that your body dreads every morning, good luck having any energy to find food that tastes good and satisfies you, let alone, at the end of the day to get any sort of movement in. (My days in a 9-to-5 were drenched in inner chaos I had to hide from others, sneaking food or Starbucks runs and then starving myself later.) Here’s what I didn’t have language to describe, though: I lived in burnout as a default, and then on top of it, I was cast as a problematic person or just plain lazy if I was not also thin from d*eting all the time.
It took a lot of trial and error to realize my body *was* on my side when I try to run (and it starts dropping into a panic attack from sweat and elevated heart rate)—running intrinsically sets off lots of alarm bells in my system. And it doesn’t mean you or I are lazy because we don’t “just push through” the panic attack. (Jfc just typing that sentence makes me angry!) Eating yummy food (when I was off my d*et) was literally the only time in my day where I wasn’t masking and could feel OKish for 8-10 minutes of my day.
TLDR: If you’re neurodiverse and learning how to unmask, or only mask in ways that serve you, there’s room for you to feel good inside your body just as you are. This isn’t another social rule you just can’t seem to get the hang of. You’re doing fine, things can feel better, and we want you here. 🫶
SO appreciate all of this!
Thank you for saying this so beautifully! I really relate to this and also appreciate you put into words how “laziness” is burnout that I never had before, even after reading Devon Price’s works that touch on this.
I used to think it was “just” dealing with weight stigma that made it difficult for me to feel in my body or connected to my peers, but now I can see how much of that was also the constant masking (and the repercussions from allistic people when I didn’t). I have some privilege now in that I work from home and have friendships with people who I can be myself with, which makes it easier for me to shrug off less frequent negative experiences with people due to their anti-fatness or from neurotypical folks finding something off about me.
Oh wow, thank you for this. I'm just beginning to understand my own neurodiversity and how masking has damaged and saved me, but I hadn't even considered the body part of all of that. WOW wow wow, this is going to be something for me to unpack and I'm so grateful to you for sharing this.
The tremendously wonderful news is that you’re in this space, which is intrinsically designed to not ask you to mask. My general experience has been that folks here 100% trust that your body knows what it needs, and everyone respects what rises up for you around food, movement, being in the world.
Even without knowing I was Autistic, intuitive eating laid the groundwork for me to eventually walk into being diagnosed, asking for accommodations (in the broader world) and not feeling like everything I do, how I react is “wrong.”
Big hugs to you. I wish I had more to give you! 🫶
I've been doing anti-diet work for almost 10 years, so the fact that I DIDN'T connect my recent autism realization to my body/diet stuff is really a head-scratcher, lol. Believe me, you gave me plenty, though. I have my therapist for the rest.
Thank you so much for sharing!
Thanks so much for this Virginia. Even though these ideas are familiar to me, it’s really great to know this information is here in one place if I ever need a resource to defend my position.
yessss - that is exactly my hope for it!
Thank you for these guides- amazing to have a resource to send to folks when the “what abouts” start coming up.
I would love to see a guide on all the sugar/hyperactivity/obsession stuff. Just visited some friends with a toddler who have a huge blind spot for restricting sugar even though they’re on board with a lot of other anti-diet concepts, and I wanted to just put on the MP episode about it in the car, haha! Appreciate your labor compiling all this for us!
YES. Sugar is for sure on the list.
Comment on Guide: thank you! Fabulous resource. So appreciate this new effort on yalls part. It’s helping me synthesize and apply my knowledge and newly articulated beliefs. Application is essential because of the level of suffering around this issue. It’s everywhere.
Comment on comments: as the wife and mother of Neurodiverse men, I so appreciate the input from Amanda. 🙏♥️
This is great, and I can't wait for more guides! Thank you so much!
For future guides, I'm wondering if you might address (you probably have) the chemicals food companies put in food, especially in the U.S., to trick our brains into thinking we're not full. My brother (who is also an intermittent faster, so this could all be off and I'd love your thoughts) keeps asking me about this. It's his "what about"?
Absolutely --and I actually have a great two-parter podcast episode slated for next week that will get into some of this.
This is a wonderful resource. Though I consider myself pretty well versed in these topics, I still find it helpful to read how others present these topics, and, frankly, don't always have the energy to tackle unpacking it all, so I'll definitely be saving this to share with folks who need a guide just like this. Thank you!
Yes! It’s so much energy to unpack with folks. Love if this saves you (and all of us) some of that labor.
So appreciate this addition! I came this fairly early (I think “Fat! So?” was my introduction) but I haven’t really actively engaged in a long time. And I sometimes struggle with how to introduce the concepts when I’m trying to explain my position to others. This came up just recently because one of my best friends has started Wegovy (because her doctor says she’s pre-pre-diabetic -- not a typo) and wants to talk about it endlessly. I had to have a tough frank conversation with her about what I will and won’t engage in with her for my own mental health. I realized before that she has a lot of morality based assumptions about weight and weight loss and I can see we’ll probably end up engaging in some 101 discussions -- this will be a very helpful resource.
Whew, that’s a lot of labor for your friendship. Glad this can help.
I'm not an OG but also not a total noob, and this is an incredibly helpful resource to have all in one place!
Yay!
OG here. The Guides are a brilliant idea, and this first one is fantastic. This will be a go to resource (like Ragen) when I am talking with newbies. And as I am a therapist, that tends to happen a lot.
Yay! Thank you!
This is an awesome resource. Thanks so much!
Such a handy guide! Thanks for putting all these resources together in one place.
need a guide on resources for Men and boys. In particular I need go-to's for newbies from different generations. Trying to introduce this work to a 60 y/o encounters a different set of preconceptions or generational biases than a 35 y/o or a 17 y/o, etc. For starters they all have different enculturation about gender roles.
Can someone point me to the book club discussion guide? I’m hosting on Saturday and can’t find the guide anywhere
It’s in this post! https://virginiasolesmith.substack.com/p/a-perpetually-evolving-list-of-fat
Thanks!
Love this guide. Thank you!