When Do You Call Yourself Fat?
When Do You Call Yourself Fat?
Let's talk about body language. Plus links and recs!
As I’ve been pondering Midsize Queens and the weaponization of body size by healthcare this week, I’ve been thinking again about two questions that come up here periodically: Who gets to call themselves fat? And what if you “just” don’t want to be fat?
I’ve written responses to both of those questions but I’d love to have a bigger conversation about them today. Here are some prompts to consider (feel free to run with one, some, all, or none of these!):
How do you identify or describe your body? What do these words mean to you?
What’s your first memory of calling yourself fat or being called fat?
If you’ve reclaimed fat for yourself, when and how did that happen?
If you’re working on reclaiming it, what does that work look like for you? Where does it feel hardest?
For folks with thin privilege (small fats, this includes us): How do you show allyship in the language you use around bodies? (This could be when describing yourself, when talking to your kids, etc, etc.)
How does it feel when a person with evident thin privilege describes themselves as fat (or midsize in a clear effort to avoid association with fatness)?
I want us all to be clear that this is a tricky conversation to have safely, even here, because we are are a community with a lot of body size diversity and body experiences. Please review the Thread Ground Rules if you aren’t sure about whether a comment might pose harm. Also, just be kind to each other! I’m on a plane today and will be catching up on this conversation when I can over the long weekend, so I’ve asked Corinne to babysit the thread but let’s not make her Friday hard. I believe in us!
We’re going to build the next community episode around some of the themes that emerge here, so we’d also love for you to record your response as a voice memo and email it to us at virginiasolesmith.assistant@gmail.com. (Here’s how to do it whether you have an iPhone or an Android.)
PS. Corinne and I are also recording your March AMA episode next week. Send us all your questions here. (We’re especially good at fat clothing recs, but we love to talk about food, houseplants, books, pop culture, advocacy, you name it…)
Friday Links & Recs
I was so super thrilled to chat with Katherine Goldstein for The Double Shift. Here’s a little snippet from our discussion of motherhood, perfectionism, and diet culture in a society that gives us only expectations and anxieties and zero support:
Katherine Goldstein: The totally savage image that's coming to my mind is, “I can't control whether my children are gonna get shot at school, but I'm gonna make a bento box that's really beautiful.” It makes me feel sick saying it.
Virginia Sole-Smith: Absolutely. The terror that I feel on a daily basis, sending my kids off to school is real. I think that shows up in how I pack their snacks a lot of days, right?
Read the rest of our conversation here.
What to do about fatphobic grandparents is a perennial question around here.